good times, good times

2009-12-31T13:27:00.000-08:00

This blog in its entirety is moving to http://meljamc.blogspot.com. Update links and bookmarks accordingly!

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2009-09-17T19:34:00.001-07:00

We're getting married tomorrow! It's going to be a fantastic day that flies by in the blink of an eye. K and I are ready to just focus on each other and celebrate our love by promising we'll be together forever. We are so happy our families will be there as witnesses and also that we can all have an excellent meal together. It's just going to be great!

I'm starting a new blog in the next few days. I'll be emailing it out along with my new email address. If you have stumbled across this one and would like to keep up with us, just leave your email in the comments and I'll be sure to let you know the new URL.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

wedding question

2009-09-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

So here is maybe a dumb question... Does everyone have some sort of family drama unfold as they are about to get married?

feels like I'm born again...

2009-09-05T20:55:00.001-07:00

Usually when KLOVE plays the crap out of a song, I roll my eyes nearly every time it comes on. However, the new one by Third Day is one I cannot get enough of. The harmonies that come in after the first verse are AMAZING and the whole song is just well written. It's constantly stuck in my head and not in a bad way at all. I do have to say that KLOVE needs more Need To Breathe though because I heard another of their songs on Air 1 (LOVE having the apps on my iPhone!) and it was truly fantastic as well. Man, I wish more Christian music just hit the spot like those two songs!

It was raining this evening. It was like a good California rain. Texas rain usually means the sky opens up and pours everything down and empties itself out in 20 minutes or less. Tonight, it rained steadily but not crazy hard, for several hours. I miss that. I love listening to the rain. I like it when the air cools down and you can crack open a window or even sit outside and just soak it all in. The smells, the sounds, the feeling... I have come to enjoy the thunder and lightening, but sometimes I still long for those days where it would just rain all day long.

Strangely when I find myself in a new situation, I also find myself missing Riverside. I think it's that I chose to live there and I got to know sections of it pretty well and when I'm faced with something especially challenging, I just want to be back where I knew everything. It's not accurate at all. If I had loved it so much, I wouldn't have picked up and moved as suddenly as I did. And I would be back there now instead of having lived here in San Antonio for closer to four years now than three. Occasionally I'll be frustrated and I'll think to myself that if I were in Riverside, I would go get some hot and sour soup from this place or I'd go claim a couch at that coffee shop and journal the night away or I could be in Newport Beach in an hour or less. I'll think about the smell of orange blossoms in the spring or the lack of humidity. But when it comes down to it, I'm glad I live in San Antonio.

I had a very rough day yesterday. I think I basically handled everything okay but it's left me a little rattled and for that reason I don't want to go into a lot of details. I am officially that lady who says "What's your name, I'm going to write a strongly worded letter!" but you know what, if it works it works! At the end of the day, the thing I wanted the most and just needed was to be with my family. Because I live in San Antonio, all it took was a quick phone call and a twenty minute drive. I got to be spoiled with a good dinner and laugh with my niece and nephew and have my mom and dad remind me that they love me very much. I'm 29, but there are times when I just want my mom...

Tonight, I went to K's mom's house for dinner. She showed me how to make one of my favorite dishes that K and his family had introduced to me. His two sisters and niece were all there and we had an amazing dinner and then talked for HOURS in the living room. We laughed so hard there were tears. And I told them about my day and suddenly realized that along with my lovely mother-in-law, I now have two big sisters and a fairly fearless niece. I don't have to do anything alone if I don't want to. I have this huge group of strong people who love me that I can call on for help and I know that someone will always come through.

Between my two evenings spent with family, I feel like I can relax. I don't have to be superwoman, I can draw on the strength of all these great people around me who love me and would kick anyone's ass that needed to be taught a lesson without hesitation.

I think I've finally learned to let K take care of me and be able to tell him what I need. He's amazing and I can't imagine putting together anyone else more perfect to go through the rest of my life with. I just hadn't stopped to acknowledge that he's not the only one. I forget sometimes that my parents would fight tirelessly given any cause involving me. My two soon to be sisters and niece were talking about different scenarios regarding protecting me or standing up for me and I really almost started crying because it was such a fantastic relief! I hadn't really thought about it, but of course I would absolutely do the same for any of them.

As much as I would like to live in a spot that didn't give me crazy allergies and maybe had four seasons or at the very least milder summers, I think I'll be staying in San Antonio for quite some time. I would be crazy to give up this proximity to my family. My sister will always be available for late night texting, but I wouldn't be able to get a hug on a regular basis if I was in a different time zone.

I am a girl who is full of joy and love because of my two amazing families. Who could ask for more?

privacy

2009-08-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

I know this is going to sound weird since I do have my own blog, but I would say I'm basically a private person. I will pretty much answer any question you have, but I don't necessarily volunteer all of my information to everyone. I've always been this way. It's been the root of countless fights with my mom. Her process is to talk to my grandmother and my aunt (her sister) about most everything and it drove me crazy as a pre-teen and beyond. I wasn't one of those girls dying for her period so when that day came and my grandmother ambushed me with a proud hug, I was mortified.

I have a blog because I have had such a random life that has taken me to so many places that it's easier to post updates about what I really want to share with whoever wants to read it and let them peruse my thoughts as they have time. Once upon a time I used to send out an email update. I suppose all of this is kind of egocentric, but somehow satisfying and seemingly wanted by at least a small group of people.

The other thing I know about myself is I don't really like it when people decide things for me. Sometimes it's okay, but I like to take part in the decision making. If K were to plan an evening out or a weekend trip, that would be fine. But if he were to tell me how I should get ready in the morning or decide how we were doing all of the holidays with our families without really talking to me about it, I wouldn't be very happy. I don't think it's that I need to be in control of everything all the time, but I like to take part in decision making. I am a strong woman and need my voice to be heard. If I'm deciding with a group of friends where we are going to eat and we don't go to my first choice, that's fine as long as I got to take part in the discussion. I hope this makes sense. And also that it's accurate. Heh.

I've been thinking about these things lately because I've noticed I've definitely entered a new phase in my life. When K and I decided to get married, I apparently opened a door to my life that somehow invites everyone and anyone to give me instructions on what to do, how to do it, and when it needs to be done. Some of it is actually helpful. I am learning how to accept nuggets and then decide whether they are nuggets of wisdom or just nuggets of words. It's hard sometimes. Just about everything is done with wedding plans and we are pretty much just crossing days off the calendar at this point. But this hasn't stopped anyone from interjecting their two cents.

This is very difficult for me when it's in situations like work. Friends and family who offer unsolicited advice often have my personality and wishes in mind and are genuinely trying to help. People from work barely know me and therefore have no clue what really would be fantastic to me or to me and my hubby to be. Expressions of mild disdain for such a quick and small wedding and not having a sparkly engagement ring just annoy me because they have no idea who I am at my core or how perfect September 18th will be for me and K.

I kind of figure this is only the beginning. K and I are entering into a phase where random people will helpfully decide when we should have kids and how we should raise them. I am so glad I'm moving into this along side K and that I'm 29. I can handle situations that are not pleasant to me with a lot more grace now than I could a few years ago. I'll always be learning and battling my instinct that I know what I'm doing and couldn't possibly glean anything from a person I barely know. Hopefully it will get easier.

I'll continue blogging... And don't shy away from telling me what you think, but understand if I try a different way sometimes that's just my own stubbornness shining through. I'm not to proud to admit that my way is not always the best way and I'll go through the catalog of my mind and pull out that piece of wisdom you shared. I just might not say anything about it right away. :)

the munchkins and the baby

2009-06-21T21:03:00.001-07:00

Today was a really lovely day with my family. K had to work so that was a bummer but he'll be around everyone again soon I'm sure. He really likes my family which is awesome because it definitely makes things pretty easy. I like his family very much as well. That's how I always pictured falling in love with someone... Building a relationship with them plus getting a bonus family to participate in and enjoy. I'm a very lucky girl to have stumbled upon it all.

Usually I refer to my sister's kids as "the babies" but since there is a brand new one, I felt like I needed a new nickname. I asked them if it was alright, so the kid approved terminology is that the two oldest are now "the munchkins" and the baby is "the baby." The munchkins and I had a terrific day of playing all sorts of games. I got to hold the baby for a little bit, but I didn't want to hog her, especially on Father's Day. She needed some Papa time.

We played outside on this tire swing my parents have and invented a new game that is probably terrifying to both my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. But there's a strict rule. If at any time they feel nervous or just need to stop, they just say "Auntie Auntie" and I step right in. We practice each time before it starts really going. See this swing was much higher above the ground until my parents saw my oldest niece "doing tricks" and realized if she were to fall she would most assuredly break something. It's a lot lower now but that means I can't push her as high up in the air as she would like to go. So instead, I twirl her around and around until the rope gets wound up pretty tightly and then give her a mighty push in the opposite direction and let the rope take over. My niece LOVES this. We must have done it 4 times in a row and then she hopped off and ran right up the porch stairs back inside to get water. Later my nephew wanted to try, and after one time around, I helped him get back on the ground where he promptly fell over from being so dizzy. I think that's more typical reaction to something like that.

Later, we played hide and seek. During spring break when I took care of them, we played and I stayed hidden until I heard one of them suggest I had gone outside and then I'd either sneak up behind them or burst out of my hiding spot to make sure everyone was in the same place at the same time. My niece hid first today. She ran into a room and slammed the door behind her. Then when I was still giving her some time (who knows, maybe she'd get under the bed or something...), it was apparently too much time because she kept opening the door to check to see if I was coming. When it was my turn to hide, I ran down the hallway and hid behind a door that was already slightly open. I heard the two kids running down the hallway looking for me, and they even came into the room where I was but didn't see me. They ran back down the hallway, and then when they came back again, I heard one of them say "Her is MAGIC." When they ran back into the living room, my dad told them which direction I had gone. By then I had snuck out to the edge of the hallway and just waited for their heads to poke around the corner and said "Boo!" as soon as they did. Much screaming happened and then even more laughter.

My niece has hands down the best laugh. She's very girly and tries to be as refined as a five year old girl can be sometimes. She prefers wearing her hair down and loves to show me her shoes and other things about her outfit. Her laugh is raucous and it makes me laugh every single time. It's this huge explosion from such a little girl and definitely not dainty or polished like she wants to be. I hope it never changes. It makes me laugh just thinking about hearing it.

I love playing with my nephew because he has a bit of hesitant nature when it comes to trying all the dare devil things my niece comes up with. We are definitely kindred spirits in that regard. I like to make sure he knows that he can have as much time as he wants to decide if he wants to try jumping off the steps or twirling around like a mad man in the swing. Plus that kid can relate any activity to something the Transformers would do and how can you not love that?

The baby is a teeny tiny baby that is completely adorable and I am thrilled to get to build this kind of relationship with at some point probably after she's able to hold her head up on her own. Or maybe even just keeps her eyes more open than closed. She wasn't even due to be born until next Sunday but she's just fantastic and even came with fingernails. Babies are completely amazing. I could hold her all day long and not get tired of it. Of course I'm not nursing her or being woken up at odd hours of the night. I'll still stick with my thinking that she is completely beautiful and I can't wait to play hide and seek with her too.

All in all, it was a truly great day. Now for some laundry folding and bed time!

mmm, popcorn

2009-06-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

This week was pretty nice. K and I had four days off together and although we meant to do something fun and out of the ordinary like go to Fredricksburg for the day or just hang out downtown, we didn't. The closest we got was going to eat Japanese food at our favorite place.

Today I had to work an 8 hour shift and it seriously flew by. I don't know if that was because I felt like I had a vacation or because I'm used to the 13 hour shifts, or what. Oh and a coworker that caused a lot of problems was let go today and it was refreshing to know that my managers actually knew what was going on and were really doing something about. I don't have any personal problems with this particular coworker at all, it just basically came down to wishing there was someone that had more of a teamwork kind of ethic. I have no idea what this will mean for my work schedule, but I do know that even though things are never perfect at work, the 13 hour days will seem a lot shorter.

I think I was going to try to be more interesting, but my popcorn is done and I am really excited about getting in bed and watching my tape of Friends.

makeup

2009-06-17T20:43:00.000-07:00

My makeup was too good tonight to just be sitting at home, but alas, that's where I'm at.

It's not actually that big of a deal. K and I went out to dinner and I tried a new eyeshadow combination that I really liked. I tried to do a few different things but nothing really panned out. So I'm playing on Facebook and going to go check on my little patio garden in a little bit.

As I've gotten more into my Mary Kay stuff, the more I've enjoyed playing with makeup. I haven't ever really been into it because no one had ever really shown me how to do anything. I read everything I can get my hands on with Mary Kay and it has really helped me feel a lot more confident about color combinations and how to apply it in a flattering way. I am really excited about doing color consultations for people!

I know it sounds like a big ol' ad for myself, but really, I'm just trying to blog more and this is what happens to be on my mind at the moment.

K and I are so boring these days that although our favorite waitress at our favorite Japanese place wanted to stand and talk with us, we really had nothing to tell her about. Everything is pretty mundane around here... That's definitely not a bad thing, only when you're trying to catch up with someone and you both realize there are no big stories to share.

Eh, what're you gonna do? :)

i love me some pepsi

2009-06-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

This week is so weird.

I worked on Sunday and don't go in again until Friday. I kind of don't know what to do with myself! I have been working on Mary Kay things which is cool and fun, but I'm at the point where I need NEW customers to help build my business. I have some ideas that I'll be working on in the next couple of days...

K is also off until Friday. Today he wasn't feeling well for part of the day. He kills me though because I always know when he's feeling better because he starts to get whiny. I poured his soda and got bland foods for him to eat and since he's out with some friends right now, I think he's made a full recovery. I'm glad when he gets sick it doesn't last for long and it's also pretty rare. No more chili dogs at 1:30 am!

I think we're going to try to go on a day trip someplace or even just hang out downtown for an afternoon. The biggest wrench in the plan at the moment is that it is so ridiculously hot! It's hot and sticky and gross outside. I think it's going to be a long summer... Hopefully both of my jobs will just keep me hopping and I won't have too much time to swelter.

At least I have cute sunglasses!

ugh

2009-06-15T15:34:00.000-07:00

It is so hot.

San Antonio is not a bad place to live, but the summers are very icky. Hot AND humid means being outside is miserable. Getting into a car that's been sitting in the parking lot for a little bit is suffocating.

But it's still not a bad place to live. I always miss California the most in the summertime though.

family family family

2009-06-14T21:31:00.000-07:00

My sister has three kids now. That's kind of pleasantly insane to me. Auntie and Baby Z Days just got a lot more intense, but also cuter which I didn't really think was possible.

My latest niece was born on Tuesday night and she is adorable! She is about three weeks early and she is super tiny. But she came with fingernails and eyelashes and everything! I've heard from a few family members that she reminds them of me when I was first born. I had my mom take a picture of us face by face for comparison.

I adore my nieces and nephew and have tremendous fun doing things like baking cupcakes and knowing that after I hop them up on sugar they're just going home. I'm thrilled to think of things to do with three kids now. Well, in a few years anyway. In the meantime, I owe my nephew a trip to the movies and I think my oldest niece would like to go swimming or at the very least a long trip to some sort of playground.

The part where people seem kind of troubled by the fact the big things in my life right now are working in food service, building my Mary Kay business, and waiting for college acceptance for the fall and that's it is a little hard. The part where people feel the need to comfort me that I'm not the one having kids is a little hard. I'm okay with that.I am dating someone I love deeply and we are just not in a big rush for all the next steps ahead of us. We will get there and it will be beautiful and amazing. Maybe at some point I'll be in the hospital in labor and someone will message my sister and have no regard for what she's doing or where she's at and only ask questions about me. You never know. In the meantime, asking when it is I'm going to have kids or finally get married or whether or not it's weird that my younger sister has kids and I don't isn't really helpful.

I'm 28 and not where I thought I'd be when I was 28. But it's been a good journey to get to this point and for the most part I'm pretty happy. The other thing is that I have made all the decisions I've made up to this point only with the exact information I had at the time. Maybe if I knew then what I know now some choices would have been different, but I cannot apologize for that now nor can I go back and change anything. It doesn't make any sense for me to be hard on myself, only to keep my eyes open and use all the things I've learned to benefit me as I make decisions now.

So, since I have a few days off this week and my sister is alright with it, I'm going to go hang out with all three of the kids who made me an Auntie. I plan on marveling over the teeniest baby's delicate features and squeaks and grunts, watching Transformers and building cars and trucks out of legos and ridiculous numbers of wheels with my nephew, and dancing with my oldest niece and talking about princesses and whether or not she's old enough to buy her own pink sparkle lip gloss.

And taking pictures. Lots of pictures. :)

music

2009-06-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

K decided sometime around January that we were going to see Coldplay when they came to town. He told me he wasn't telling me how much it was because I would try to talk him out of it and we deserved to do something fun and out of the ordinary (at least for us). He took care of getting the tickets and I marked the date on my calendar. When I recently got hired, one of the first things I did was make sure it was alright for me to have that day off so I could spend the whole day getting ready for and then enjoying Coldplay.

The first song I ever heard by them was "Yellow." It is such a lovely song and I was impressed by this band I'd never heard of before. I have every album, including that first one and have consistently listened to all of them. I loved when Starbucks decided to make them a featured artist and we could listen to at least the album XY while working.

Now, let me talk about seeing live music. Nothing else makes my heart come alive quite like seeing a live show. For some reason, I've forgotten this over the past couple of years and haven't been to many shows. But for awhile, I was going to every show I could figure out how to get myself to. I've seen big shows and little ones, bands I knew very well, and bands I never heard of but instantly became a devoted fan of. I've driven pretty good distances and I've gone down the street. I used to have a handful of friends that not only would happily accompany me, but would seek out artists and shows themselves.

My favorite band to see live for a long time has been Dave Matthews Band. They are phenomenal anyway, but live, there's an extra flair. They are thoroughly about the music and that is my number one qualifier for loving a band. I like how they play songs from their entire catalog and they put together songs that you would never think could segue into each other but do seamlessly somehow. They don't do big sets, they aren't showy, they aren't pretentious.

My second favorite show that I've ever been to was Jars of Clay at Spirit West Coast Del Mar the first year that festival showed up in Southern California. They sang their hearts out and debuted an album that had solid bluegrass roots and it was seriously amazing. My dad and I shivered as the sea breeze rolled in, but the music kept us warm enough to be enthralled and disappointed when the set was over.

And thirdly, The Benjamin Gate. This random Christian band that came out of South Africa with one of the most amazing sounds I've heard from ANY band. It is so refreshing to me to hear a Christian band that is also musically innovative because it is kind of rare. Jars of Clay fits in that category and that's one of the reasons why I love them. Anyway, the lead singer had bright orange hair, one of the guitar players had these insane sunglasses that wrapped over the top of his head, and the bass player was all over the stage which is highly unusual for a bass player. The music was fantastic and the band seemed so pleasantly surprised to have a crowd watching and to be enjoying seeing California for the first time. I refused to like Jeremy Camp for a long time because when he and the lead singer of The Benjamin Gate, Adrienne, got married, the band split up. Luckily for him, and me, she recorded a solo album a little bit ago. :)

I've seen concerts where the pyrotechnics and lights and set design seemed way more important than anything else. Or lead singers who really felt the audience should be worshipping them as they sang. Both of these things really annoy me. I'm a music snob. I want people who create music to be doing it for the love of the music, not the love of fame. Everyone should be so lucky to be able to earn money doing something they truly love. The best concerts are given by bands who love what they do, are good at it, and appreciate the audience being there. Anything else is gravy.

Let me tell you, Coldplay brought the gravy.

I really had no idea that a band could combine amazing light effects, fun sets, crazy stunts, AND amazing soul quenching music. They played songs from every album and really rocked out the stadium. This was the first time they'd been to San Antonio, and I do believe they'll be back.

"Yellow" was played as a fast song as giant yellow balloons filled with confetti were tossed through the audience. There were these things that looked kind of like giant lightbulbs that lowered at points and had art, words, or just live footage of the band on them. So cool! During the song "42", there was a live feed of the band that looked kind of like a music video or one of those behind the scenes kind of deals, but it was live feed. I never saw where the cameras where! That's impressive to me, because so often the cameras are obtrusive. Chris Martin played guitar and piano at different points and danced all over the stage.

There was a point where the band suddenly walked off the stage into the crowd. They were walking with a purpose and a specific location in mind but I was still surprised when they walked to a part of the ATT Center that already had instruments for them. There was just enough room for all four members to stand and sing/play guitar. The drummer sang a song, they did the band introductions, and led us in the first known cell phone wave at the AT&T Center.

Song after song... It was truly fantastic. Then at the end, they told us about the other two bands that had played and mentioned that on the way out, they had a little thank you note for us. We each got a cd! It was a recording of part of a show they did on this tour so it's kind of like a little piece of the show right in my truck right now.

And speaking of the other bands, let me tell you that Snow Patrol totally kicks ass. I've liked them for awhile, but I really enjoyed them live as well. And the first band was Howling Bells and they hail from Australia. Please do yourself a favor and check them out! You won't be disappointed. Especially if you like the aforementioned The Benjamin Gate. :)

Basically I feel lucky to have a boyfriend who brought live music back into my life in such a fantastic and over the top way. We had awesome seats and such a fabulous evening. I hope we can make live music a much bigger part of our date nights and whatnot. I have some ideas on how to do that... I'll try to keep you posted!

it's been awhile

2009-04-24T18:57:00.001-07:00

I've been busy being very stressed by my job and the task of trying to find a new one discreetly while also going to school. That's the crux of it. Also, there's been a lot of things going on that I've been quite content to talk to K about rather than sort them out through writing. I think that's pretty cool and I'm glad we have such a relationship where I let all my crazy hang right out in the open, but it does kind of turn into a bummer for those who are staying on top of my life by reading my blog.

I have quit the one job and have a job offer someplace else which I am very excited about. Today I baby-sat for a dear friend and I have to say that I love little babies. I wasn't always this woman who enjoyed the little tiny ones. I got bogged down in not really knowing what to do with them. My sister having babies was what mostly broke me of that. And I learned some important things like when they are that little, they pretty much have to scream their heads off for a portion of the day in order to increase lung capacity and just holding a baby and talking to them about whatever pops into your head is simply fantastic. I love that sweet baby smell and little hands wrapping themselves around my fingers. And yes, I do want babies of my own. I have for awhile but there is no sense in rushing things. I figure, quite frankly, that I will just spend most of my 30s pregnant and that plan seems pretty great to me. I hope K and I have babies with full heads of crazy curls. And maybe just one of them can have some of the lighter hair because I know my mom would really love just one grandbaby with blonde hair and blue eyes. :)

K and I are in a very good spot. So good in fact that it seems to make people around us desperate for a wedding date. I just say that we'll set that as soon as he asks me to marry him and in the meantime we're happy. We'll get there. Who knows what it will look like, but I imagine there will be a portion of it that basically everyone we know is invited to and it will be absolutely beautiful.

Very recently, K's mom and I have been spending time together that is mostly just the two of us. One evening we drank beers and cooked up a bunch of treats and more recently we went out to dinner together. I don't know how or when exactly it happened, but it's like we have the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I genuinely love her and it seems the feeling is mutual and it's just really nice. I always imagined falling in love and essentially multiplying my family by two by adding his to it. I've watched people around me have those kind of results and also not have exactly those kind of results and I'm happy that I feel like I'm a part of the family he grew up with and that they seem to enjoy that as well.

In other news, Mary Kay is going really well for me. I expected to make a little extra money and mostly just get to have a discount. That has been typical of a lot of jobs I've had. :) I wasn't expecting to have so much fun and completely enjoy doing facials and skin care classes for women. It's been fantastic to meet new ladies and hear how they approach their businesses. I didn't realize it would be so easy for me to grow and expand. I wish I had some money that I could buy inventory with and really keep things on hand, but I figure that will come with a little more time. I get a little extra almost each order to build that up slowly. The other night I was sitting waiting for someone and I got a phone call asking to be able to place an order. Not only was I happy to do that, I realized I had everything she wanted at home and I loved being able to take it to her right that night. I opened up my little California branch with some family and am on target to gain the ability to have the company mail orders directly to people at the end of the quarter. I have a bunch of samples and would be more than happy to share them with you if you're interested! And let me tell you, K has started using a few things and likes them so much he told me that I could tell whoever I wanted to tell because maybe that way they'll give them a try as well.

School is good! I'm right at the end of the semester. I've applied to go to UTSA in the fall and am excited about that prospect. I'm plugging along on my path and I will get there at some point. It'll be a very sweet celebration when I do graduate. My aim is for a Bachelor degree in Psychology and a teaching certificate so I can teach while I get a Masters in Psychology and then either becoming a counselor or teach at the college level. There are going to be a lot of twists and turns in the road but I figure by choosing this particular path, I've set myself up for several different kinds of success. In the meantime, I think this new job will serve me well and my Mary Kay business will continue to grow.

And finally, for now at least, do you guys know about pandora.com? Maybe one of the coolest web sites ever if not just the best. That and Google Reader are my two favorite Internet inventions I think. You put in an artist or song you like and it creates a radio station for you of a bunch of music similar to what you've chosen. You can put in twenty artists or just one and I promise you will be delighted. I have loved hearing what comes up and have discovered new (to me) music and feel like I'm part of the music scene again. Check it out!

25 things. Again

2009-03-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

1. I ate a lot of vegetables last week and I felt the effects within a matter of days. Good ones I mean. I just FEEL better.
2. The little cans of V8 juice are the way to go. You can chug it (only if it's cold, think of it like beer--no way am I drinking either one warm) and then casually drink a giant glass of water and be good to go. The soda can size of V8 will make you feel gross and then you'll feel bloated after the glass of water.
3. People in Texas like to power wash things. Sidewalks, roofs, cars, whatever.
4. Bart's fish fry events somehow induce the best conversations, a very small percentage of which are appropriate to then relate to your mom the next day.
5. I think I might delete my MySpace and just go with Facebook.
6. The thing keeping me from deleting my MySpace is the ease with which I can find new music.
7. I need some more candles for the apartment.
8. Tomorrow I am going to see the Spurs play and hopefully narrow down my choice for favorite player.
9. Sunday nights I cannot fall asleep at a decent hour. Ever.
10. My bedroom is always my favorite place to be wherever I live.
11. I can read blogs all day on my computer or sit and type for hours at a time, but forget about watching a tv show or playing with You Tube. I lose interest after about five minutes.
12. It's been a good year since Starbucks discontinued almond syrup and I still haven't found a proper replacement as my favorite drink.
13. I don't like being one of those people who gets the same drink (coffee or alcoholic) every time.
14. Even so, my adult beverage of choice usually involves vodka and my jags of getting the same thing can run for a good amount of time.
15. I need a job. I don't know where to look any more. I know something is out there, but this is a very frustrating process.
16. I would really like to write a book some day, about my life.
17. K, his sister, and I are seeing Coldplay in June!
18. There is currently a big pot of chicken on the stove so I can make some chicken and dumplings before it gets too hot around here to even want to eat it.
19. My next cooking adventure involves tofu. I want to cook it in some tasty manner to add to a salad.
20. I'm growing out my hair.
21. My sister's kids are not good at taking naps. There is just way too much stuff they NEED to do.
22. I love my cell phone.
23. Rearranging your living room can make a huge difference.
24. K gives very sweet back rubs.
25. It has been way too long since my last bubble bath.

nephew break

2009-03-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

And for a break from the serious:

My nephew went into my sister's room last night saying he couldn't sleep because Jesus was talking too much. She sent him back to bed and when he crawled back into bed, she heard his prayer bear say "Now I lay me down to sleep..." He threw his hands in the air and said "SEE?!" Jesus kept talking to him because he kept rolling over onto the prayer bear. My sister moved the bear to the dresser so all should be okay.

Little kid logic and explanations are the best, especially when you let them tell you the entire story and answer all your questions.

health, weight, exercise, blechh

2009-03-18T22:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I feel strangely accomplished tonight. I went to the grocery store instead of driving thru someplace and ended up with a really fantastic salad. The dark green and red lettuce mix, baby shrimp, green apples, avocado, dried cranberries, and balsamic vinegarette I have some food for tomorrow which is nice and a variety of V8 products. I'm starting a new diet that focuses on grains, fruits, and vegetables. It will be an adjustment as quite frankly I just like stuff that's fried and otherwise high caloric, but I really need to do this.

I feel like I've posted entries like this before where I talk about all the reasons why I need to eat better, exercise more, and lose weight and then I say this time is for real. So let me just say that this time I feel a lot more determined than the last time I started Weight Watchers and I am more focused on making more permanent changes to my diet and exercise habits.

So, I'm rearranging my living room and dining room. I'm basically flipping it. The little nook by the kitchen where you put your kitchen table is going to have the tv and futon and maybe a book shelf. The bigger part, the living room, is going to have the desk, the kitchen table, and the big huge book shelves that are already in there because I would like to avoid moving those if I can. But the ultimate goal is to have more room to put an exercise dvd in and be able to actually move around. I think the side bonus is going to be taking some time to really put stuff in places it can actually belong. My living room has been a mess lately because there's a lot of little things that just get put here and there because it just happens to fit there for the time being. I would like to have more defined spots for stuff.

The other side affect, hopefully, will be an apartment that is once again easy to invite people over to at a moment's notice. I think just sitting and watching tv will be a little more comfortable since there is now a ceiling fan above the futon so that will be nice this summer. But since the main part of the non-bedroom part of the apartment will be all nice and open, that will encourage me to take advantage of that rather than flopping on the couch.

I'm concerned about my blood pressure and cholesterol. Quite honestly, I am also concerned about how I look. Last weekend my mom really graciously bought me some new clothes and they are really cute and perfect for job interviews or doing Mary Kay parties or anything else I need to look professional and all put together for. The way it used to be, I'd buy clothes that had bigger sizes than I wanted to admit I needed to wear but I'd look in the mirror and think I was doing pretty good with what I had. These clothes are fantastic, but when I look in the mirror, now I honestly just see a fat girl with really cute clothes. I would like to look in the mirror and see cute clothes and a girl who is healthy. I can't see my blood pressure or cholesterol, but by making the changes with this diet (it's called the DASH diet and it's really reasonable and not some kind of fad thing--Weight Watchers is awesome but I just can't afford it right now for the record) I know they will be in much better shape.

So that's where I'm at this week. Might as well be doing something productive while I'm waiting to hear back on the kajillion job applications I've turned in. :)

yellow

2009-03-16T14:45:00.000-07:00

I love Coldplay. I have all their albums and have been a fan from the first time I heard the song "Yellow." It was just very sweet and simple to me which is always the best kind of love song. Even though Chris Martin recently admitted he has no idea what that song is about, I still adore it. It just makes me happy.

I remember when it came out talking with my friend August and telling her how I wish I had a boyfriend and he'd pick that song to be our song and it would just be deliciously romantic and cheesy but great. She said it could be our song. And from August, that wasn't weird or anything. One time she goosed me when she came to visit me at work and my first thought was "I hope that's August" not "Why the hell is someone grabbing my butt cheek like that?!" Which I guess doesn't really explain much why it's okay... I don't know.

Anyway, K just got a new cell phone. He's all kinds of excited about it and is slowly getting used to all the new features it has. He showed me that he gave me my own ringtone. It's "Yellow" by Coldplay.

I don't even care if he remembered me telling that story or not. I think I'm a lucky girl to have such a sweet boyfriend.

super auntie!

2009-03-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

This week I am watching the babies. I will always refer to them as "the babies" even though they are now five and four and would be indignant to hear themselves referred to as anything besides "kids" or basically not babies.

I am used to getting up early and having a full day but I am not used to having days as quite as full as these past few have been. My niece and nephew are very good at playing with each other and entertaining themselves but since I'm here, they want new and exciting things to do. So far I believe I have met the challenge. There has been fort building, bike riding, backyard lap running, book reading, movie watching, hiding and seeking, thank you note writing, picture drawing, back rubs, and lots and lots and lots of laughter. This has equaled out to me being EXHAUSTED at the end of the day.

So far, I think my favorite thing that happened was yesterday. In the morning, we made a ginormous fort and they had tons of fun hiding out in it with their stuffed animals. Then I realized it was still kind of cool outside and it would be a perfect time to get some bike riding in so we went off to do that. I took them to one of the courts so they could ride around and I wouldn't have to run so much. My niece likes to go super fast (and luckily laughs her head off when she falls) and my nephew is still having a little trouble understanding that if he pedals backwards he's hitting the brakes. So we're riding and riding and they both are getting tired so we start heading back to the house. My niece says to me "Auntie! After we get back home, you can put us back in our cage!" Of course her little voice echoed through the neighborhood. I tried to say just as loudly that it was a FORT not a cage, but mostly I'm hoping everyone was just at work.

I keep telling them I have super powers. We played Hide and Seek yesterday and they both literally walked right past me in two different rounds so I told them obviously I can turn invisible. And today I made them toad in a hole and I think that may have just sealed the deal. Who knew an egg cooked in the middle of a piece of bread would be such a big deal?

shameless plug

2009-03-06T20:49:00.000-08:00

I just started my own Mary Kay business and I need some help getting started!

First of all, if you want to just straight up buy some product, you can go to my web site at:

www.marykay.com/melissamcneil

If you live in the area, I will deliver it. If you do not live in the area, I will ship it to you, free of charge.

Secondly, if you live in the San Antonio area and you have skin and some time this weekend or next week, please call or email me. I would love to give you a free facial. If you have a few people who are interested, we can also set up a skin care class. In either case, you and your friends (as the case my be) will get to try out Mary Kay products and I'll give you some samples to take home. I am just trying to get some practice in my presentations. I absolutely love the Timewise skin care line and think everyone should just get a chance to try it for themselves. Don't worry about buying anything. I just need you and a little bit of time so I can get some more confidence!

Thirdly, if you do not live in the San Antonio area and would like a free catalog with some samples inside, contact me and give me your snail mail address. I'll get you on my list!

I'm excited about this venture! Please help me get off to a perfect start. :)

spring break!

2009-03-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

Next week is my Spring Break and it is also the babies' Spring Break. My sister and I somehow struck a deal involving my mom where I will go to my parent's house every day and she will bring the my niece and nephew and the three of us will have grand adventures Monday through Friday. Am I insane? Yes. Do I anticipate being exhausted at the end of each day? Yes. Am I fantastically excited? Yes I am.

I adore those two and I am excited to take a gazillion pictures and have even more stories at the end of the week. I have a list of things we can do and hopefully pieces of it are just new enough to them that they will start to call me Super Auntie. Okay, maybe not really, but I will say that when I get my doctorate some day, I will be like Dr. Jill Biden and have no qualms about preferring people call me Dr. Maybe they will call me Dr. Auntie.

I have baked cupcakes with them a couple of times and really, once was enough to know this is not going to be included on my list of possible activities. It is enough to suddenly be in charge of a 5 year old and 4 year old for a week, it is another to willingly subject yourself to the sugar highs of a 5 and 4 year old. My niece asked me on Saturday if we could make cupcakes. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

"No, I don't think we can make cupcakes. We'll see, but what if we make pizza from scratch one day?"

"Scratch pizza? What's that?"

"Pizza FROM scratch. It means you start with nothing and make something! We'll make the dough and then put the sauce and cheese on top. What do you think?"

"Auntie, how do you know how to do that?"

"Because I have a list of magic recipes."

Immediately turning to my sister...

"Mommy! Auntie said we can make scratch pizza because she has MAGIC POWERS!"

It truly will be a fantastic week. :)

ta-da!

2009-02-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

I am now a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. You can check out my web site at
www.marykay.com/melissamcneil! You should totally tell your friends. :)

as the world turns

2009-02-21T10:05:00.001-08:00

Okay, I have a job. I'm keeping it for the time being. I'm a personal assistant. That's the best way to put it because I do a very wide variety of things that you can categorize but it's pieces of each here and there throughout the day/week. We'll see how it all turns out... My main goal is to be able to pay all my bills and sock enough money away to pay for summer session classes just straight out of pocket. I have some other possibilities in the works too that I think may work out really well.

In other news, I now have plans for spring break. I am taking care of the babies while my sister and bro-in-law work that week. We have arranged it with my mom that my sis will bring the kids to her house and I will take care of them there. Just call me Super Auntie! And pray for me. I will be in charge of a five year old and a four year old. I don't know what I've gotten myself into... Actually I think it will be a lot of fun. If we bake cupcakes or something sugar filled, it will be on Friday after nap/rest time. I am going to try to plan some fun things like making a little obstacle course in the back yard to run around and doing things like having them help me make lunch (pbj or sprinkling the cheese on a tortilla for a quesadilla, that kind of thing). I'm going to cut sandwiches into fantastic shapes and bring some books to read to them and plan on definitely getting some exercise in running around with them and helping them ride bikes. If anyone has any ideas for ways to entertain kids while staying mostly at home or doing things that are very low cost, let me know!

My grandmother is in the hospital with an infection of an undetermined origin. She's hopped up on pain killers and antibiotics and feeling much better, but still has been admitted to the hospital. I am a little worried about her, but mostly I just want her to not be in pain and to have the life she wants to have. I have thought for quite awhile now that she is much sicker than she has really told anyone because she is much sicker than she is ready to admit to herself. Up until yesterday or the day before, she was still able to carry on her day to day business without any problem. I hope that the doctors are able to figure out what's going on so she can just go back to her normal schedule. It's so hard to say how healthy she really is. She has bounced back from quite a bit, but there is definitely something going on with at least her liver that just isn't right. Hopefully I'll be able to make a post soon that says she's just fine and has made plane reservations for sometime in July to come see my new niece.

My apartment is kind of a disaster area, so I need to get on that while I have the time and energy to actually do a good job. :)

i think this is what i'm going to do

2009-02-16T09:39:00.001-08:00

Mondays will be either a movie review or a list of facts you may or may not know about me. I would like to be watching more movies than I have been lately but time is the main factor. What can I say? I'm a busy working woman. So here you are:

1. I typically have two or more open bottles of lotion that I am using and they also tend to be scattered throughout my apartment.
2. I am addicted to Carmex. But it keeps my lips kissable and it's cheap!
3. I can handle a lot of body fluids and stages of people being sick but the thing that never fails to gross me out is snot or listening to someone tell me about an operations on the nose or sinuses. I have no idea why this is.
4. The addition of almonds or almond extract/flavor to almost anything makes it better.
5. I wish my hair was longer again already.
6. I love the Spurs. This season I am working on choosing a favorite player and hopefully going to at least one more game. Next season I will start to learn about stats. And the season after that, I may very well be a full fledged basketball fanatic.
7. Lately I have been really proud of myself for politely holding my ground on things.
8. Lately I have been noticing how jobs I've had before have all added up to me being the person I am with the confidence I have and the feeling that I have the right to politely speak up and call someone on their bullshit immediately instead of waiting a few days to figure out the right way to do it.
9. I have more respect for the Buddhist/Muslim/Jew/Hindu who practices their religion to the best of their ability than I do for a Christian who loudly proclaims they do and turns around and acts un-Christlike on a regular basis.
10. Yoga still makes me happy, from my very core.
11. I think gas is hilarious. Burping and farting totally make me giggle much to my boyfriend's consternation. I try to keep my own gas to myself because, after all, I am a lady.
12. I could eat Japanese food every day and not get tired of it.
13. I never ordered pizza for delivery before living in this apartment.
14. It irritates me irrationally when people add an extra "s" to things. It's Barnes and Noble. Not Barnes and Noble's.
15. My mom has an unusual first name and so my whole life I have unconsciously always made an effort to know people's names, preferred nicknames, and the correct spelling of all of the above.

lesson learned

2009-02-09T06:35:00.000-08:00

Today I went to my yoga class. And as I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to go inside, my headache really came to full force. So trying all these poses that while I have gotten better at still frustrate me because I know my lines are not nearly as good (and therefore graceful) as my teacher's are. The headache just got worse and worse and I contemplated leaving because I wasn't sure if vomiting was going to be the next step. I made it through the whole class and then decided to just come home. An hour later, here I am. So basically, the thing I learned today is that if I can make it to yoga, I should simply stay for the rest of my school day because the headache is going to get way worse in traffic than it would have just staying for classes. Who knew?

wednesday wonders

2009-02-04T09:13:00.000-08:00

Things making me happy lately...

...Yoga. It is hard and will continue to be challenging all semester, but I seriously love it. I also love that I start out my Mondays and Wednesdays with it. It's a work out but it's so calming at the same time that I just want to do it for two hours every morning. K's sister goes to a yoga class someplace so I can't wait to see if I can join her sometime. After the semester though and I've practiced a gazillion poses in a safe place. :)
...date time with K. We decided to have a weekly date and take turns planning it. Last week was our first one and we had a really lovely time.
...being in love with someone who loves you back just as hard. Relationships are difficult but being in love makes it all worth it.
...having a really good group in my Government class. Sometimes group work is a total drag, but I genuinely like my day to day group and the group I'm doing the semester project with. Sure makes things a lot easier!
...watching the commercials from the Super Bowl in my Social Psychology class and discussing what social implications they have. I love nerding it up like that!
...phone calls from my niece and nephew. They're so stinking cute!
...having a job! It's going to stick and it's going to evolve into something really great in the near future. Yay!
...fitting in an eye appointment (and getting a year's supply of contacts) and refilling all prescriptions last month. It was like a free month's of insurance and kind of the only way I could vaguely stick it to my former employer.
...the food I got to eat while watching the first half of the Super Bowl. Don't care about football, but when Bart invites you over, you go. My favorite thing was the jalapenos wrapped in chicken and bacon that were then smoked. Mmmm...
...eating tuna by myself because it means I can be gross about it. Tuna fixed with mayo and then adding relish and minced onion. Awful horrible breath afterwards, but so gross it's just delicious.
...having an income again. It really does get to a point where it's demoralizing to not be contributing financially when you weren't all that well off in the first place.
...streaming Air 1 while at work. I have missed that radio station more than I realized!
...having a really supportive boyfriend.
...dinner last night: t-bones, salad, and wine with K and his mom. He cooked the steaks, I cut up the vegetables, and she poured the wine. :)
...having evenings free again. It's been a very long time...

movie review monday (the late edition): taken

2009-02-04T09:02:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay... I think by the end of this week I will actually be adjusted to my new schedule and therefore my apartment will look a lot nicer and my blog will be updated on a regular basis. At least in theory. Actually on both of those. :)

On with the movie review!

I have not seen any of the Oscar nominated films for Best Picture (this may be the first year that I literally have yet to see any of them), but by golly, I've seen Taken twice.

It stars Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace and beyond that, all you need to know is that you are going to be in for an edge of your seat experience. I don't want to give too much information away because when I saw it, I knew very very little and thoroughly enjoyed myself just because of that. The daughter is seventeen years old and goes overseas with a friend. The dad is a former CIA operative and has retired and moved to be closer to his daughter. He and her mother divorced long ago because of his job taking him away from the family for such long periods of time. He is trying to make up for lost time in his relationship with his daughter by being available for her and whether or not she realizes this is kind of an unknown.

While overseas and talking on the phone with her dad, the daughter's friend gets taken by a group of men in all black. The dad talks her through what she needs to do, knowing she is about to be taken as well. And here is what sold me on the film. One of the kidnappers picks up her phone and breathes into it. The dad says "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." There is a pause, then "Good luck" then the phone goes silent.

This is not a movie for young kids. It deals with a very real and awful situation that I believe is actually also happening in the United States. There is violence and language although there is no nudity or sex. Lots of implied situations but I was grateful for them only being implied. The best way to sum up the feel of the movie is to say it's Alias on steroids. If Jack Bristow were to go rogue, and on top of him going rogue Sydney was in danger, this would be the movie version.

There are fights and chases and guns and explosions and glass and so many moments that you hold your breath waiting to see what happens that part of you just can't believe when the movie is over. I absolutely loved it. My parents both really liked it too, however my mom has now banned me from traveling overseas.

Taken. See it. Love it. Tell me what you thought.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars. Seriously. Can't wait until I can own it.

blah blah blah

2009-02-01T10:54:00.000-08:00

I have a new job. For the time being at least. The reasons why I can't go into exact detail about it is are complicated so we'll just say that it's a strange combination of The Devil Wears Prada, The Nanny Diaries, and some sort of eccentric rental property management company. But it's not all bad or demeaning or anything like that. Just an endless source of entertainment since the daily tasks are never the same as the day before. I don't know how much I'm making yet, but at this point anything is good. I went a month with no income and that's enough to make it easy to take a job that has a high chance of turning into an awkward situation down the road.

The plan is to work for a month, as many hours as I can, and then go from there. I still have my resume up on monster and I will take any interviews offered my way. Then after the month is up I'll decide if I need to be pursuing another job hardcore or if I can just continue to work where I started this past week. I'm also vaguely hoping to save a bit of money here and there in order to start selling Mary Kay, but I need to talk to a few more people and see what their experiences have been because so far I have one negative one.

My official new weekly schedule has me up at 5 am on Mondays and Wednesdays and 6:30 am on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. I was ridiculously tired this past week because I am really thoroughly not used to getting up early in the morning and being active ALL DAY LONG. I figure by the end of this week though, I should be pretty used to it. I really like the idea of having my evenings back. In theory at least. I was pretty bad at staying awake past 9 pm last week. Heh.

25 things

2009-01-26T17:47:00.001-08:00

I haven't watched any movies lately, so instead, you get 25 facts that you may or may not know about me.

1. I absolutely adore cold weather.
2. I only meant to stay in San Antonio for six months to a year.
3. The first thing I remember ever wanting to be when I grew up was a coroner.
4. My favorite color is orange but pink makes me really happy.
5. I do not want a big wedding and never have.
6. I can tell when my blood pressure has risen because I can feel it in my neck.
7. If possible, I would like to have four kids.
8. My true favorite Starbucks drink is iced venti ice water.
9. It has been more than a year since I last worked at Starbucks, but people still ask what my favorite drink is when they find out I used to work there.
10. I like watching tv shows on dvd more than I like watching them on the networks.
11. Except for Criminal Minds. I can only handle one episode a week.
12. Pepsi has been my favorite soda for as long as I can remember.
13. I can always tell the difference between Pepsi and other cola drinks.
14. I adore accents. All of them. Every time I hear a new one I think that one is my favorite.
15. I think being as white as I am is kind of boring.
16. Throughout my life, I have rarely had actual crushes on movie stars.
17. But when I was 10, I had a door size poster of Fred Savage in my room.
18. My bedroom is usually my favorite room in any spot I live.
19. On dark cloudy rainy days the thing I want to do most is crack the window so I can hear the rain and stay in bed and read all day long.
20. There is nothing as magical as children's literature.
21. My boyfriend has taken to doing small things to show he cares and my favorite is when he comes to bed long after I've already been there and rubs my back for awhile.
22. If I had random money to spend on anything I wanted and every bill and my truck were taken care of, the first store I would go to is the Apple store.
23. I have to keep my nails short because it bugs me when they click on the computer keyboard as I type.
24. I wish I could get my nose pierced again. That cute little sparkle really did make me happier than it probably should have.
25. Someday I will live in a house where I take a bubble bath at least more than once a week.

i still have the headache, but everything else is calming down

2009-01-25T19:54:00.000-08:00

K and I have been having a mildly rough time that exploded all over the place last weekend because of a big misunderstanding, but in a lot of ways I'm grateful for something happening that made us both stop and realize we WANT to be together. We aren't a couple because it's easier than breaking up and starting over with someone else, we aren't a couple because our families like us (as individuals and as a couple), we aren't a couple because neither one of us wants to move right now. We're a couple because we love each other and we have to take the time to acknowledge that daily, otherwise this isn't going to work.

A long time ago, my friend Tina and I went to this Bible study that I think I've mentioned before in here someplace because it was kind of an integral part of my life. It was kind of a weird time for both of us and especially to be in that particular group because the leader was one of the coolest and most lovely women I've ever known but everyone besides Tina and I were in a serious relationship. It was the summer of weddings. Tina and I often hung out after the group to take the lessons we could and reassure each other that not being about to get married was okay. At least, that's how I remember it. Heh.

For sure though, I do remember a lot of conversations that we had and things we talked about relationships and they help me out now so it wasn't a huge waste of time regardless of how frustrating it was at the time. The leader told us once that you shouldn't tell your mom when you are frustrated with your husband because she will hold on to the details of the situation much longer than you will. You will know all the ins and outs of your relationship and come to an understanding that you may or may not be able to explain to anyone else or things will otherwise end up being fine for the two of you. But your mom will see that you were hurting and hold on to that long after you may have even completely forgotten about whatever situation it was that you mentioned to her.

It is really hard to ask for advice about my relationship with K and get what I need because K and I are the only ones who have literally all of the details. Sometimes I forget that whoever I'm talking to doesn't know EVERYTHING about us. No one really does or can. That's how it is with everyone's relationships. I'm very lucky to have family and friends that support me and love me and will get angry for me and spring to action when I'm frozen in heartache. But ultimately, it is K and me who have to decide what is best for the two of us. Sometimes we will be able to explain it thoroughly to anyone who is willing to listen and it will make sense to everyone. Other times it just won't.

I love K in a way that I haven't ever loved anyone. He feels the same way about me. We have things to work on and there are going to be more things that come up as we continue going through life together. The biggest lesson I learned last weekend was I absolutely have to wait for the entire story. Things are not always what they seem. I think the biggest lesson he learned was he needs to be more forthcoming and specific. Together we decided that our love for each other is worth going through rough patches. We are making changes and growing and ironically our relationship has jumped forward on the serious path by leaps and bounds in the past few days.

I haven't made formal resolutions for the new year, but two things I've been mulling over are being more appreciative of where I'm at in life and what is going on and being more consistent in doing what I say I'm going to do. All of this with K has really helped me see how important these two are and if it's all I manage to conquer this year, I think I'd be in good shape. K will undoubtedly drive me crazy sometimes (as I will him) but I'm grateful for the place he has in my life. I want to be a loving, supportive, and appreciative girlfriend and I at least know how to start acting like all of that on a regular basis.

He's making changes too, don't think I've taken this all upon myself. It's just my blog so it's my thoughts. And that's all I've got for now!

tmi again, i just can't help myself

2009-01-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to the grocery store to just pick up a few things. I had showered, but I was not looking well. My face was extremely pale and the headache that started a few days ago hasn't really gone away not to mention all the issues down south. I haven't had a problem being a girl for awhile, but the last few days, wow.

So I go to the grocery store. I take my eco-conscious bag with me and grab a basket because I don't know the rules. If I'm just getting a few things, can I toss them into my green bag or does that make me look like I'm stealing? So, whatever. I get my feminine hygiene products, an onion, some cheese for a recipe I have in mind, and then I think about what I want to eat for dinner. The onion and the cheese have to wait for the meat to thaw in my fridge, so that's out. And then the cramps are starting to come back and I realize all I want is something salty and something sweet. Chips and salsa is slightly healthier than popcorn with extra extra crazy extra butter, so I grab some tortilla chips and some candy. And I go to the check out.

As I unload my basket, I think it is clear I am a girl with some issues. I was polite but just wanted to go home and get back in bed. So when I went to grab my bag and leave and the young woman behind the counter said "And you have a WONDERFUL night." I kind of paused. And I thought to myself, I really need to get home and that's probably just for the best. I couldn't tell if she was being serious or trying to say I was really rude to her or something. Lucky for her the pain was coming back because otherwise I would have tried to settle that question and I don't think anyone would have been happy about it.

The lesson really is if it involves too much information, I will probably write a blog about it, I should remember to always be stocked up on pads and whatnot so I don't have to run to the store as I actually need something, and when my head hurts so bad it's making me pale, the place for me to be is in bed.

tmi

2009-01-24T07:19:00.000-08:00

My yoga instructor told us that at the beginning, doing yoga can be like taking extra doses of fiber. All the twisting and holding poses you've either never done or haven't done in quite awhile can loosen up saturated fat stuck in your body and out it goes! I can only assume based on my experience yesterday and so far today that this can also happen with endometrial lining. So basically, I will be making a run to the store for more, um, supplies in a bit and then go back to spending most of the day in bed. I have not bled through underwear and pajama pants since I was thirteen. I declared I was never leaving the house that morning as my parents hid their smiles and saved their laughter until later, but today I have to say that thirteen year old girl was on to something.

i'm fighting really hard and i have to say, it's exhausting

2009-01-23T08:22:00.000-08:00

Ani DiFranco has this song with the line "The heart is a muscle, and frankly, mine is sore." That's how I can sum up how I feel.

I quit my job at the end of December and have yet to find a new one even though I have two places I have had call back interviews to. I have twenty cents to my name until a new job or my tax refund comes in, whichever comes first. But yes, literally twenty cents. K and I had a major issue this weekend and I spent a few days at my parent's house to clear my head. We have covered the major issue and are okay but we are working on a bunch of the little things that come up here and there in a relationship. I have cramps like a mofo (but it's not actually period time) and feel like all of my energy is just draining out of me. Plus I am fat. I am out of shape to the point of feeling absolutely ridiculous about being in my yoga class even though I completely love it and know it is helping in small increments.

It seems like that how every single thing is. It's all coming together in very small increments but inbetween I am in miserable pain because my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been in years, if at all. But today, all I can feel is the pain. I have no idea what the results are going to look like and at the moment I am just completely exhausted.

sleep...

2009-01-15T10:45:00.000-08:00

So I used to get up sometime between 11:30 am (on a good day) and 1:30 pm (more like a typical day). Now, on Mondays and Wednesdays I have to get up at 5:00 am. Or later, provided I've taken a shower the night before so I can avoid being funky all day but I have to leave at 5:45 am to beat traffic and find a parking spot with ease at my school. All of this means my bed time, at least on Sundays and Tuesdays, really needs to be as close to 10 pm as possible.

How do you train yourself to go to sleep like five hours earlier than you used to? And how do you stay asleep when your boyfriend likes to take the term "night owl" to extremes? Also, say it just doesn't work out and you end up getting an hour or two of sleep before having to get up and go to school. When you come home, exhausted, do you force yourself to stay up and go to bed early-ish or do you let yourself take a nap?

These are all serious questions so if you have advice or a web site or whatever, help me!

wednesday wonders

2009-01-14T20:56:00.000-08:00

...starting school and being ridiculously excited about this fact.
...my yoga class time puts me doing yoga at sunrise. How awesomely cliche is that?!
...getting to be unapologetically nerdy right from the get go.
...my government teacher has two Masters, one in Marriage and Family Therapy and one in Government. She thought it was hysterical that I told her she might be my new hero.
...my sore neck from my stupid car accident only lasted one day.
...I have two places that I've had multiple interviews at which has to turn into SOMETHING soon. Right? Just tell me yes.
...treating myself to an obnoxious former Starbucks employee drink: iced venti 2 pump mocha 2 pump vanilla soy no whip mocha.
...lots and lots of walking even though that was the result of not knowing my campus at all and taking the longest way possible multiple times on accident.
...my parents letting me use their house on the way home from school as a place for peace, quiet, printing, and eating. I'm allowed to have whatever I can find but only because there is no more kahlua.
...having honest (although sometimes difficult) conversations with K about us.
...cold weather making a come back!
...classes started and I love all three and each teacher is so so so great!
...going grocery shopping and stocking up the fridge and freezer by only actually paying $10 because I had some gift cards.
...reading random books for no real reason.
...making my hair all crazy curly.
...having a makeup consultation with my dear friend Splenda and realizing I can look kinda hot if I actually try to.
...my big poofy lips don't look as awkward as I thought they did if I wear the right kind of lipstick and whatnot.
...feeling like I'm a true Spurs fan. I listened to the game on the radio as I was driving and even sat in the parking lot to hear the last few minutes just so I didn't miss a thing.
...daydreaming about being rich and having sushi every week and season tickets for the Spurs.
...having a boyfriend who loves me as much as K does.
...talking to my niece and nephew on the phone.
...diligence meaning a $20 reduction in my electricity bill.
...browsing the web site uncommongoods.com because that stuff is some pretty cool stuff.
...watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. Those kids are freaking adorable.

it's been a big day!

2009-01-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

I am so not used to having all kinds of stuff going on before 3 pm. I had that schedule for quite some time!

Today was my first day of school and I got up right on time at 5 am and managed to leave really close to my planned 5:45 am. Even though that gets me to the campus a little early, I think I need to stick with that time for leaving because I don't want to get stuck in traffic. I still can't believe I actually chose a 6:30 am class, but at the same time it's kind of fantastic to be completely done with my school day by 10:45 am.

Yoga is first. First thing I learned is yoga is not easy. I have some dvds and stuff but I've only done a really half-assed version of things and not consistently at all either. Today we did half of a pre-assessment and then we'll do the same stuff all again at the end of the semester to see how much we've improved. We did this thing that's kind of like push-ups except it focuses on your triceps and shoulders more than your chest and biceps. Yes, it is as icky as it sounds, at least the first time you do it. Then was sitting with no chair with arms straight out in front for as long as you can hold it. Do it. Then try to stay for ten more seconds when your legs start to shake. Then after that, go walk up and down some stairs. Anyway though, my teacher is a delight because she is crazy excited about all things athletic and is good at explaining foreign positions and whatnot without making you feel awkward. I'm excited I actually have my own yoga mat to take with me, I just need to get a bag for it someplace.

Next is Federal Government. Oh, how I adore government. I'm not even kidding, it really and truly fascinates me. I took Texas Government with a teacher who had actually been a Congressman which was awesome and I was kind of disappointed it wasn't going to work out for me to take Fed Govt from him as well. Disappointed until I met this teacher. I think she loves government more than I do which just makes my heart happy. Plus, she had us read this really interesting article about how a country has to have rigor, intelligence, AND creativity to succeed so basically the 21st century is up for grabs right now. I am really looking forward to getting to know her better and to the class in general because I am such a nerdilicious nerd.

And finally, Social Psychology. The only thing that makes my heart happier in school than government is a psychology professor who is a little wacky but also tremendously smart and wants you to be able to learn as much as possible so you can apply it on a daily basis without having to think about it too much. It seems like a good group of people, except the one guy who was drifting off and borderline snoring. It's the first day dude, maybe you should drop. Although no one will get any sympathy from me about having an early morning if that's their first class since it's my third. My teacher is currently writing her doctoral thesis. I hope I can get the courage up quickly to ask her about it because I'm just impressed with her pursuing it and am sure to be blown away by the research.

At the end of the semester I am going to be at least closer to being a hottie if not just already one (the combination of Weight Watchers and Yoga twice a week should kick my ass in a really great way), be able to inform anyone who will listen the virtues of our government along with fascinating facts like how Steve Jobs used a course he took at Stanford in Calligraphy to create the computer icons we know and love today, and have fallen even more in love with psychology than I already have.

After school (and stopping by my parent's house to mooch some food--don't worry I told them), I had another job interview! Or another part of the job interview process at least. It went well so I get to proceed to the next step which is a phone interview. Then I checked my voice mail and had a call wanting to set up another interview with the other place I had applied and interviewed at last week. My stress level is already decreasing with the start of school, but it will even more so once I've got a job and am earning a real paycheck. Please pray or keep your fingers crossed or think good thoughts!

movie review monday: return to me

2009-01-12T14:37:00.000-08:00

Ahh, Return to Me. You'll find this for rent but in the shelves nowhere near the new release wall. You can sometimes find it in the discount section at Target or where ever you happen to buy dvds. But I caught a small snippet of it today on tv and decided that it was worth blogging about.

It is a lovely love story that will charm you to pieces with its adult story that actually contains no weird sex scenes and has only one scene with questionable language that is hilarious. It starts David Duchovny and Minnie Driver so right there you should be sold, quite honestly. Banana Republic was very good to Mr. Duchovny in this movie.

At the beginning of the movie, he is married to a passionate woman. She tragically dies in a car crash and her organs are donated. Minnie Driver ends up with her heart. They meet randomly in a restaurant where she works and since sparks fly, end up going out on a date later on. There's all kinds of little side stories and the best part about the movie is the dialogue is really how people talk. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with a male I'm trying to impress where I sound like an idiot and know it but can't seem to stop talking.

It's tragic and endearing and makes you cry at the beginning and the end and is therefore one of the most perfect chick flicks there are. Most guys that I know that have seen it have tolerated it well, so don't let the previous statement be a deterrent from renting it for mixed company.

Return to Me is rated five of five stars for being absolutely adorable.

class is going to come very early on monday morning

2009-01-10T04:40:00.000-08:00

I would just like to say that I am taking three classes on Mondays and Wednesdays and am out of class by 10:45 am. That's hardcore, man.

My internal clock is all out of whack. That's why I'm up right now eating ramen and desperately searching for something interesting to watch on tv instead of sleeping. It's just kind of nice and peaceful as my upstairs neighbors have not woken up yet. I still haven't figured out what requires so much constant marching around. But I have definitely figured out the next place I live will be on the top floor, even if that means it's the third floor.

Yesterday was my niece's fifth birthday. She is a lot of fun to spend time with because she's more little kid than baby now (even though I will forever refer to my sister's kids collectively as "the babies") and little kid logic is seriously the best. I personally enjoy how I am always greeted with "Auntie! Auntie! Auntie!" Sometimes I hear it more if it's as the kids are running across the yard or something. I talked to her on the phone and wished her a happy birthday and she told me a little about her day. It's so cliche and ridiculous but I can't believe she's old enough for me to completely understand on the phone now. I also talked to my nephew. His birthday is at the end of next month so what he said to me was "Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. When (my niece) is done getting growed up, then it gets to be my birthday. Okay, I love you." How can you just not adore the two of them?

I'm going to pretend like I can sleep now... Wish me luck!

wednesday wonders

2009-01-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

Things making me happy...

...telling people about my Spurs game experience
...school starting next Monday
...K being absolutely fantastic in non-specific ways
...long fingernails
...candles
...a clean living room and bathroom just in time to have friends randomly over
...new books to read
...a boyfriend who loves to read and then gives me more books to read
...my niece's eyes growing wide with excitement as I detailed an idea to start reading chapter books with her soon
...the way if you catch my nephew off guard with something funny how he has this cute little hiccup laugh
...a lovely visit with my grandmother and great-grandfather
...having jeans that actually fit
...Indian food buffets
...switching back and forth between contacts and glasses becoming more effortless
...Firefox
...free movie tickets
...the plans for making a photo frame that includes our ticket stubs to the Spurs game
...going to a much needed Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow with my mom
...my sister emailing job openings that may be a good fit
...King of the Hill on Adult Swim

sigh...

2009-01-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the week that I think is going to be rough. This is the week that I have nothing to do but fill out applications and wait for more job interviews to be set up and count down the days until my classes start. A lot of people think I am a very patient person because I am quiet when I first meet them. Just because I'm quiet sometimes doesn't mean I'm patient. It just means I'm not saying anything.

I paid my tuition, checked that the rent check is going through, and started to panic because that's pretty much it for my bank account. I have no more income. I still have some gift cards and I do have some clothes I can return if I need to (I'll decide tomorrow actually), but other than that, nothing. I really feel like everything is going to be okay and this was absolutely the best decision to make, but man does the waiting suck.

It is hard to be close to doing something but not quite there. And it's difficult to be working so hard filling out application after application and doing follow up calls and cards and just waiting for something to pan out.

If anyone has any leads on jobs, please let me know. Also, if anyone wants to just straight out hire me for something, even temporary, please let me know!

my first time

2009-01-05T08:40:00.001-08:00

My parents typically ask me for a wish list for Christmas and my birthday. My Christmas wish list usually includes a lot of things I kind of need rather than just want to have. Things that fill in gaps so I don't have to worry about them later, like underwear or gift cards that can be used for fun but may also be used to purchase things I need like groceries or whatever. Being an adult just sucks sometimes. Especially being an adult with a job that pays the bills without leaving much left over for anything else.

Well, this year, my parents threw our wish lists to the wind and decided on purely extravagant gifts for K and I as well as my sister and brother-in-law. We all knew we were getting a bottle of homemade khalua (which is an entirely different blog post that may or may not come later) per couple, but we did not know there would be envelopes inside the box that held the bottle. K and I were given two tickets to a Spurs game along with some cash to cover parking and to give us some spending money at the game. Awhile back, my mom let me know K and I needed to have a certain day off for a mysterious event and we kind of guessed it was for a Spurs game but we didn't know for sure until Christmas Eve. We also had no idea what kind of evening was in store for us.

We took my little digital camera (which I have seemingly lost the cord to connect it to my computer with), the cash my parents gave us plus a little extra just in case, and off we went! Oh, I should say that I decided to wear a black shirt because that's one of the Spurs' colors and K decided to wear a button down burgandy shirt in case we were on tv or Manu saw him. I love my boyfriend, he's so fricken cute!

I hate San Antonio freeways. I don't miss California much anymore but every time I get on the freeway to go someplace I get so annoyed at all the stupid drivers and how awkward the freeway system is here. I think it's because I took freeways EVERYWHERE in Southern California especially and it's a great system. There's no stupid access roads or turn-arounds or times when you're on one road that has three numbers and two different compass directions listed on signs. There's little warning for exits coming up in San Antonio and also random spots where you have to switch over to the complete other side of the set of lanes to stay on the freeway you're supposed to be taking.

We got to the ATT&T Center without too much hassle. And my giddiness began to grow.

First off, there is a coliseum next to the stadium and this weekend there was a gun show. So K stood in front of the gigantic "Gun Show" sign and flexed his arms for a picture because we are a hysterical couple.

Then we made our way to the stadium. I wanted us to both get souveniers and the thing I wanted the very most was a giant foam finger. You can go inside the arena awhile before the game but it's limited access until one hour before game time. I saw a counter with some Spurs stuff and just walked right up and asked for a foam finger and purchased it with a fairly ridiculous amount of delight. That was even before I knew there was a giant store with any kind of Spurs thing you could imagine!

We took a picture of me pointing to where our seats where with my foam finger. Don't be jealous of our awesome ideas of commemorating our experience.

So finally it was time that we could go to our seats. We found them, sat down, and were amazed at how good they were. They were diagonal to one of the ends of the court which was perfect for watching action. We were close enough to be able to see the players and know who they were without relying on their jerseys. Excellent seats fo sho.

We wanted to get something to eat before the game started so we went ahead and wandered around for that. I got nachos and K got a hot dog and we planted ourselves in our seats for the rest of the night. I wasn't expecting that at all! The only sporting events I've really been to have been baseball games and you can totally wander around the stadium and not miss anything going on down on the field.

The stadium was pretty full although not entirely sold out. I have to say again that our seats were absolutely fantastic. There was stuff going on the whole night! Every time out brought out some kind of activity, be it some sort of contest or performance and it was just great. It was also cool just watching how the coaches handle time outs. The Spurs coaches walk out and chat and diagram things on a clipboard and then bring it back to the team.

K and I clapped and cheered and yelled and had a terrific time. And then the final minutes of the fourth quarter took our breath away. The air was electric even though it was just a regular season game. And the Spurs and 76ers were staying right with each other and then in the very last second of the game, Tony Parker scored two points and everyone in the stadium's arms went up in a cheer. Seriously. It was so much fun to be a part of!

So, I want to go to as many Spurs games as possible from here on out. I was looking forward to the game, but I had no idea I would have such a terrific evening! Either did my parents, quite honestly. They and my grandmother and great-grandfather were highly entertained by my telling of every detail of our evening. :)

Oh! And one of the coolest things that happened was super random. The Spurs Coyote was shooting t-shirts into the stands and there was a thing up on one of the screens that said to text "shirt" to a certain number to be entered to win. I got a text at the end of the game saying I won! So we went to a kiosk and printed up a little coupon and then back to where we had started from to actually pick up the shirt. AND! It's an orange Spurs shirt and fits! How perfect is all of that (since my favorite color is orange)?!

Best Christmas present that I've ever gotten from my parents. Pure fun, pure extravagence, pure giddiness. I told them they don't have to repeat it or try to top it but to just know I had a truly fantastic night. And it was awesome to get to share such a great time with my boyfriend like that. My parents really set us up well.

What was your favorite present and why?

movie review monday: seven pounds

2009-01-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

I am going to make a much bigger effort to blog on a more regular basis because it has been brought to my attention that this is how people keep up to date on my life. For now, I'll start with the revival of Movie Review Monday!

Seven Pounds is rated PG-13 and currently in movie theaters. It stars Will Smith and Rosario Dawson and is truly fantastic. Make plans to see this as soon as possible!

The less you know before seeing it, the better. Basically though, it is difficult to tell whether Ben Thomas (Will Smith's character) has good or bad motives for treating the people he seeks out interactions with. The plot pieces all fit together in about the last half hour and the emotional roller coaster doesn't end until you finally fall sleep later that night. Even though the rating is PG-13, I wouldn't recommend this film for children or even young teens. There are heavy themes of death, regret, judgment, and sacrificial love. See it with someone you can talk about the whole movie with later. Or just call me!

This is my favorite time of the year to see movies, and my first winter selection did not disappoint!

Rating: 4 of 5 stars. Could possibly be bumped up to 5 if I see it again.

my every year end of the year recap survey

2008-12-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

what did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
-- Had a boy as a roommate. Gave two weeks notice with absolutely no regret or feeling of guilt. Hosted a Mary Kay party.

did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
-- I didn't make any. I will for this year but I will write a post about that later.

anyone close to you give birth?
-- My cousin had a baby! I know of three births that will happen in 2009 so far too.

did anyone close to you die?
-- Nope.

what countries did you visit?
-- None.

what would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
-- More days that I care about what I look like than not.

what date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-- No really specific dates. Just some events here and there that were either fun or thought-provoking.

what was your biggest achievement of the year?
-- Realizing that I have found irrational and inconvienent love and that it will only grow from here on out.

what was your biggest failure?
-- My efforts at taking care of my health and fitness. The better way to put it is my complete lack of effort at doing so.

did you suffer illness or injury?
-- I have realized that about the middle of November to the middle of January mean one giant sinus headache at the very least. I am allergic to something in San Antonio air that knocks me down hard and then keeps kicking me in the shin for six weeks after the initial blow. It's awesome. If by awesome you mean suck-tastic.

what was the best thing you bought?
-- I like my new apartment. I got a new bed as a gift and that has been pretty lovely.

whose behavior merited celebration?
-- My sister is pregnant! My cousin had a baby! Kate moved back to San Antonio!

whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
-- Whoever it was at work that decided to push me out of my job. I don't know who or why and quite honestly neither fact would make me feel better. I am just glad I have one more real shift to work there and then I'm done.

where did most of your money go?
-- Rent, bills, the usual boring things that suck it all up.

what did you get really, really, really excited about?
-- Registering for classes.

what song will always remind you of 2008?
-- Big Blue Sea by Bob Schnieder. That's me and K's song, officially.

compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder? -- happier
ii. thinner or fatter? -- about the same i guess
iii. richer or poorer? -- about the same

what do you wish you'd done more of?
-- Taken time to just sit and breathe.

what do you wish you'd done less of?
--Procrastination

how will you be spending Christmas?
-- Christmas Eve, Kiris and I went to my parent's house and spent the evening with them and my sister and her family. Christmas Day we went to K's mom's house. Both times were definitely good times.

did you fall in love in 2008?
-- Just more in love with K.

how many one-night stands?
-- None. Not my style, plus I'm very happily attached.

what was your favorite TV program?
-- Life. The Office. Grey's Anatomy. CSI: Miami on A&E and Criminal Minds on A&E.

do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
-- Nope

what was the best book you read?
-- Eat Pray Love

what was your greatest musical discovery?
-- Bob Schneider

what did you want and get?
-- A swift kick in the ass to get me back into school in a full-time capacity.

what was your favorite film of this year?
-- The Dark Knight

what did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
-- I slept in... K took me out for Japanese food at my favorite restaurant. I met a bunch of friends at a bar. I turned 28 and it was a good time.

what one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
--More confidence in my decisions.

how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
-- Ugh. None.

what kept you sane?
-- Getting to come home to a loving boyfriend. Allergy medicine.

which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
-- I have a crush on the character of Charlie Crews from Life.

what political issue stirred you the most?
-- The presidential election and the subsequent cabinet choices. I am seriously stoked for the U.S.! Maybe we'll have respect from the world again...

who did you miss?
-- I don't know. I kind of missed myself. Towards the end of the year especially, I've kind of felt like a shell of myself.

who was the best new person you met?
-- Heather. And I don't remember exactly when I met Kristen but we definitely firmed up our relationship this year.

tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
-- Everything happens for a reason, even if it takes you a year to realize how the events lined up just right for something cool to happen.

quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
-- And its days like this that burn me
Turn me inside out and learn me
Not to tell you anything I think I know
Well I think I'll tell you all that I know
I don't want to be alone I want to be a stone
I wanna sink to the bottom of the ocean
And lie there laugh there with you laugh
Yhere with you til I'm gone

At the bottom of the big blue sea
Just you and me At the bottom of the big blue sea

strange things are afoot at the circle k

2008-12-12T22:03:00.000-08:00

Not really. But I am on the cusp of some very huge changes and I have to say that the more I talk about them, the more excited I feel. I have to get through this month with my sanity intact and then I will spill all of the gory details. Or close to all of them.

But I can say this in the meantime. One of the most exciting parts of my huge undertaking starts tomorrow morning. I'm going to one of the five thousand colleges in San Antonio and sitting down with a counselor and hashing some details out. I am returning to school full-time in January. I will be finishing my Bachelor's in Psychology and probably adding a minor in something along the lines of government or history to help with the residency requirements (you have to take so many units at a school to earn a diploma there). I will also get a teaching certification and hopefully teach while pursuing a Masters in probably something along the lines of Psychology or Counseling. I am VERY excited about this. It is going to be crazy hard and take some serious time and effort but I truly believe it will all be worth it.

It is so lovely to look at a potentially awful situation and see an amazing opportunity and pounce on it before you have time to sink.

Also, I got my first weight loss star this week! I have lost a total of 6.4 pounds. Lots more to go, but not that many more until my jeans will fit better and not much more than that for others to be able to see that I'm becoming fit and fabulous.

Maybe December doesn't have to be a month of suck in my life after all!

...

2008-12-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

Sick of being sick, that's me. I still don't feel good. I have more of my voice back which is good. Last night K and I went out to dinner and I think that's what wiped me out for most of today. How pathetic is that?! Making it more ridiculous is we had Japanese food so I fully took advantage of the hot green tea offering and had a giant bowl of udon which hit the spot. I can't believe how long it's been since I had a good bowl of udon...

K and I were supposed to go to a friend's fish fry tonight. I actually really wanted to go. I spent most of the day in bed and then took a shower and realized there was no way it was going to work. So K is over there and I'm at home grumpily watching tv. It's totally fine and probably good that he is over there because I am definitely a huge grump.

I think I'm going to just tuck myself into bed and watch some SNL.

december

2008-12-04T01:28:00.000-08:00

So this is what I was thinking about because I was laying in bed feeling miserable and couldn't think of anything happy to think about. I hate December.

It truly used to be my favorite month and I worked in a mall for a lot of years so that should really qualify that statement. Even in California people just get a little nicer to strangers. They hold doors open, there's more smiles, there's twinkle lights EVERYWHERE, and Christmas music is simply fantastic. Then there is plenty of family time and good food and surprises seemingly around every corner.

But let's take a look at my last few Decembers.

2008
One week a sinus and ear infection. One week off. Another week of the allergies from hell. A shot in the doctor's office, two pills in the morning, one nasal spray once in the morning, another nasal spray two other times during the day, and another set of pills that is a little confusing but is helping clear the fluid in my ears so I'm alright with it. I sound like a frog lives in my throat, I am coughing from my toes, and sneezing like a mofo.

2007
Two weeks of misery that was also allergy induced. I just didn't know any better and waited a few days before going to the doctor. It was right before Christmas and I barely had the energy to do anything at all Christmas-y. And I was broke from not working.

2006
It wasn't entirely bad, just weird. I went to California with my mom at the beginning because my grandmother was having surgery and no one knew how well she was going to do with the operation and the recovery. My mom ended up not coming back home for several months. Christmas was a little stranger than normal because everyone was in California for my cousin's wedding except me. I did make sugar cookies with K and he had never rolled out dough and done sprinkles before and that was kind of awesome.

2005
My dad and I drove all of my earthly belongings from Riverside to San Antonio. It took exactly the same amount of time to get from Riverside to the border of Texas as it did to get from the border of Texas to San Antonio. It's a big freaking state. It was a very tumultuous time for me, deciding to move and figuring out a way to make it happen. Or really convince my parents to help me make it happen because they financed the whole operation and let me move in with them with no restrictions. I made the decision quickly and said a lot of sad good-byes and moved with no idea how it would turn out. Being a full-time auntie and having a fantastic boyfriend have worked out pretty well though.

I guess that's about it. I am just grumpy and frustrated because I am so incredibly tired but I cannot get comfortable enough to actually fall asleep. There's too much air blowing on my face but turning the fan down means my legs start sweating again. I need to lie down to sleep but then I can feel my pulse in my sinuses. So I'm blogging and watching old sitcoms. TV Land and Nick at Nite are fantastic in my book.

allergies

2008-12-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

I recently read that more people die in Southern California annually because of air pollution related causes than car crashes. If you've ever driven on any Southern California freeway, you know what a remarkable statement this is. I never had any problems. I started drinking bottled or filtered water, or at least putting lemon in water after I moved to Riverside because the water tasted funky, but that was really the only environmentally charged change I made.

Now, however, I live in San Antonio. On the daily weather forecasts, they also include mold, pollen, and mountain cedar air counts. I don't know exactly what they mean except that a lot of people in San Antonio have allergies. I personally have allergies like a mofo. No really, I think I saw my doctor right that in my chart today. Day one, I have itchy eyes, the sniffles, and maybe a minor sore throat or headache. Most everything goes away with some Tylenol or something similar. From what I've seen, this is what most people in San Antonio mean when they say they have allergies. That is the set of symptoms they have during a particular season. Not me, my friends.

Day two, my ears are so full of random crap that it feels like I'm in a swimming pool. And everything is very very loud to me even though I know it's all really just normal volume. I have snot just dripping wantonly out of my nose and my throat is on fire. I have a cough that disturbs young children. Any energy I have is simply sucked right out of me when I do something like take a shower or walk from the bed to the kitchen to get some juice. My sinuses are so full that the pressure starts to make me believe that if I can just poke something through my cheeks it will go away. My sneezes sound and feel as if they originated in my toes. My nose is red and raw. And anyone who sees me, including medical professionals, give me looks of sympathy before I even open my mouth to say anything at all.

Last year I waited a few days to go to the doctor and ended up with two shots in my bum, a bag of prescription samples, and a handful of slips to turn in to a pharmacy. So this year when I felt all cruddy two weeks ago, I went to the doctor. It turned out I had a sinus infection and two ear infections. Good thing I only have two ears! I took three doses of antibiotics a day for ten days. I felt better on day seven and finished the pills because YOU ALWAYS FINISH ANTIBIOTICS. Then my throat got sore again. That was on Sunday. Monday, I had an obnoxiously runny nose at work and the beginning of a cough. I took every decongestant and antihistamine I could get my hands on and didn't really get any relief.

A quasi side note to my story is that one benefit of working with nurses is they often have awesome suggestions on tricks for feeling better or at least getting through your day. Last night, a nurse told me to squirt saline solution up each nostril and let it run out. My dear friend Kate, aka Splenda, uses a netti (neti?) pot every day so this wasn't a completely foreign idea, but I have never done anything like that before. Let me tell you, I could actually breathe again! The nurse's suggestion was to do it once an hour and she stocked me up on supplies. Oh, needless syringes, how I love thee...

Last night when I got home I was going to take a very hot shower and go to bed. There was no hot water so I just went to bed. I slept for a few hours and then woke up even snottier and also a little disorientated. My nose was killing me and I realized there was just no way to go into work and not get fired for yelling at someone or something like that. I claimed the futon and propped up pillows and slept a little bit. This morning I called and asked for any appointment today.

It's allergies. They just knock me down. I got a shot in my hip, which is really a shot in your butt so I don't know exactly why they say that. I got a bag that has about 10 days worth of allergy medicine samples and yet another handful of prescription slips to take into a pharmacy probably next pay day. I was also told that if I don't show signs of improvement very soon, I will need to see an allergist.

I already had a handful of pills to take every morning and now I've got two more to add to the mix. And two nose sprays. Most of the pills can probably be eliminated by losing weight and exercising, which I am doing, but the allergy stuff will probably have a home in my medicine cabinet as long as I live in San Antonio. Today I am considering making a list of other places to move to because holy crap I am miserable.

Say you feel really sorry for me and you live in the area. Feel free to express your empathy with orange juice (well, really any kind of juice), the kind of tissue with lotion in it, cough drops, or a few bottles of water. I'm staying home tomorrow and then will play the rest of the week by ear.

I'm going to take a shower now because I heard a rumor that the hot water is back on. I heart steam.

thanksgiving

2008-11-29T15:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, Thanksgiving was fabulous. K had to work which wasn't super great but he had a long shift while earning time and a half and that will be a nice boost to his next paycheck. I went to my parent's house and then fixed him a plate and took it to Starbucks where I met his mom and one of his sisters. We sat and chatted for an hour or so which was great. I ended up just going home from there because my eyes were getting really itchy. It turned out one of my contacts had a good sized chunk missing out of it so that's probably what was causing all the discomfort. Easy fix!

The day after Thanksgiving K and I went to his sister's house and ate up some delicious leftovers and enjoyed conversation and whatnot. I need to confess that I absolutely LOVE stuffing. Love it. Could eat an entire plate of it and nothing else for dinner and be a happy girl. K's mom makes stuffing like no other that I have tasted and I have to say it is pretty delicious. It's got a kick to it. But even fawning over it, I need to point out that my mom makes really fantastic stuffing too. Hers has more vegetables in it and I really like that too. I think that's probably the best thing about feeling like I'm part of two families now. Two different sets of holiday traditions with some things that are similar and other things that are very different. Good times for Melissa!

I got to play with my niece and nephew and I haven't gotten to do that in awhile. My niece is going to be five in January and she is seriously so much fun to play with right now. I've loved her for different reasons her entire life and probably will continue to find new ones to love her for, but right now there's a lot more give and take in conversation and playing and she's just a great little person. I think we have a very strong bond and it delights me to no end. My nephew is also adorable in completely different ways. He is a lot quieter than my niece and not quite as bossy but definitely still his own person. I have a hard time picturing anyone else being able to top my dad as his favorite person in the entire world.

There's going to be a whole new baby Z in June! I'm so excited about that too. I finally have that baby fascination switch flipped to on where I delight in little baby clothes and holding babies (that I know) even when they're screaming their heads off. I think my niece and nephew kind of taught me that it's not so scary. And I just got a little older. My biological clock is just fine, but I am thrilled to hold a newborn again in the crook of my arm and be fascinated by itty bitty baby toes and fingers.

I've been thinking about a lot of other stuff that I will try to write about soon. But for now, honestly, it's nice and quiet and a nap just seems like an excellent idea.

grown up survey

2008-11-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

What bill do you hate paying the most?
ugh, rent.

Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
carraba's. kind of awhile ago. that's okay though. i'd rather have money to get all the bills paid on time than go out to nice places all the time.

Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
that's a complicated thing to talk about.

What do you really want to be doing right now?
this being home early and playing on myspace is kind of nice actually

What did you want to be when you grew up?
first thing i ever really seriously claimed was criminologist and that was way before all the csi shows and whatnot

Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
this scrub top is part of what i'm supposed to wear to work every day

What are your thoughts on gas prices?
i'm pretty stoked that today i saw it was $1.69 at one place.
hallelujah for a break on my wallet!

First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
actually, i woke up before my alarm went off because i sneezed half the volume of liquid in my head out.
there was no going back to sleep after that so i just turned it off and got ready for work

Last thought before going to sleep last night?
i really love kiris. seriously, that's what i thought because he was already asleep and snoring away and freaking adorable.

Do you miss being a child?
not really. i felt like i was an awkward kid forever.
i would like to go back a few years or at least feel like i have better direction right now

What errand/chore do you despise?
doing the dishes

If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
probably not.
too many years of "time worked is time paid" drilled into my head

Get up early or sleep in?
sleep in fo sho

Have you found real love yet?
yes i have :)

Favorite lunch meat?
i kind of rotate through different ones.
roast beef, turkey, ham, pastrami

What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
usually a small collection of random stuff that i am dire need of because i don't really like walmart and usually only go when everything else is closed

Beach or lake?
either one.
sometimes i really miss newport beach

Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
nope.
i think it's a ritual i would like to take part in sooner rather than later

Do you own property?
no.

What's your drink?
vodka tonic with lime

Cops or Robbers?
what does that mean?

Who from high school would you like to run into?
no one that i don't already keep in touch with. i would like to spend some face time with the ones i talk to here and there online though.

Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
grey's anatomy

Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
oh, i don't know.
every mistake helped me learn a lesson though so not such a waste really

Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
the person who sits directly across from me at work changes daily. sometimes several times a shift. i sit across from patients.

What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
for reals i love hillary clinton and barack obama and have for years. i think they are fascinating people. heather armstrong of dooce. com would be a guaranteed fun evening but i am nowhere cool enough to pull that one off.

Indoors or Outdoors?
there are a lot of factors that go into that decision

Have you ever crashed your own personal vehicle?
yes

Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purposes?
nope

Last book you read?
enchantment by orson scott card and it was seriously fantastic

Do you have a teddy bear?
no but i have a blanket.

Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
okay, i've been to sacramento but i've never been inside the state capitol building. i would like to explore it the way i have the texas one. also, i would like to go to regan's library. omg, i am such a nerd.

Do you go to church?
sometimes

At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
career

How old are you?
28

ww update #1-the start of week 2

2008-11-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

I started Weight Watchers with my mom last week. We decided to go to meetings together. Actually, I asked her if she'd do it with me because I can always lose the first ten pounds and then I get stuck or something happens and I ultimately give up. She has been very succesful with Weight Watchers in the past and always knows all kinds of good snacks or meals or which ones are the best frozen dinners.

So last week I started off all gung-ho and then completely fizzled out towards the end. K and I ordered pizza over the weekend and that's pretty costly in points. And I just didn't pay as close attention as I should have. Weight Watchers has healthy guidelines to follow and I didn't get enough dairy most of the days during the week. I took the stairs more often, but other than that didn't really amp up any kind of exercise.

I weighed in today and I lost 1 pound. Which is totally good, but a little lackluster in comparison to my mom's loss of 7. But the leader told us last week that we were allowed to share with each other but not compare ourselves to eachother. I think that is a fantastic mandate but is easier said than done. My mom was really on top of everything though.

What worked for me:
-buying a few Lean Cuisine frozen dinners and leaving them in the freezer at work
-taking the stairs instead of the elevators if it was four floors or less
-drinking water before I even left my house
-talking to K about how it all works

What I need to work on this week:
-following the healthy guidelines as closely as I can
-walking extra in addition to the stairs (I'm going to stay with four floors though, I'm not superwoman)
-saving some points for when I go home after work
-having more healthy foods in the apartment that are easy to grab and go
-reading the bulletin boards at the web site and talking to my mom about what is working for her

Total progress:
Week 1= -1

are you watching the show life yet?!

2008-11-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

It's on tonight on NBC 9pm/8pm Central.

God is good and has provided. He is still in control. Everything is going to be alright.

2008-11-05T09:58:00.000-08:00

I read this awesome blog called Stuff Christians Like and the guy who writes it mentioned that there is a blog every Christian blogger must write the day after the election. So that's where my title came from. You should check the link out, even if you used to go to church or a Christian college but don't anymore because it is highly likely you will find many a post hilarious.

I have to say that I am excited and proud that Obama not only won the Electoral College votes but the popular vote. The Senate and House now have Democrat majorities and I am almost giddy to see how things change. The past eight years have taken their toll on a lot of aspects of America and it truly is time for some things to change. I have every bit of confidence in Barack Obama to be the agent of change, to surround himself with a great group of advisers, and to make good picks for the Supreme Court when it comes to that.

All in all, I am a happy girl. And who knew that this election would be called by 11 pm?!

the job dilemia

2008-11-04T09:23:00.001-08:00

I currently work 3 pm to 11 pm at a hospital as a secretary. Sometimes I really like it because I learn random medical kinds of things and some of the people I work with are really fantastic. Sometimes I hate it because I do not get credit for most of what I do, doctors can be cruel, and nurses have high stress jobs that sometimes mean they take things out on people that have nothing to do with what is causing their headaches. The hours are alright. I like being able to sleep in a little bit and I never have to deal with traffic. It is a little hard to have a social life because almost everyone else has to get up earlier than I do which means they go to bed earlier too. Family time is relegated to weekends.

A friend mentioned the possibility of there being an opening I'm qualified for at the place where she works. I went ahead and emailed the contact she gave me just to get more information and I'll just kind of see what happens. I haven't even heard back but it kind of has me thinking. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to find something in the 8 am to 5 pm realm. I don't think it would be that hard to find the same pay rate I currently have if not actually a higher wage. I definitely need health insurance that isn't going to drain my checking account but that's the biggest thing I'd have questions about.

So what do I do? How do I decide? I have a perfectly decent job and I know the demons I have to deal with. I had a bad day last week and one of my co-workers told me I didn't really have it all that bad. I guess she's right but sometimes I really don't think they understand all the stuff I have to do that is surrounded by attitudes and general grumpiness. But is that really going to be different at any other job?

Maybe I'm dissatisfied because I've been there for awhile and I'm bored. I've had a strong case of wanderlust for a long time and since I haven't moved, maybe that has transferred itself into my job. I think it would be truly awesome if I could just quit and go to school full-time. But I do believe that opportunity has completely passed me by.

ww goals

2008-11-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so this is what I decided about Weight Watchers goals for myself. I want some stuff to look forward to which could be seen as bribing myself or simply marking milestones that I make for myself. Either way, this is what I've got so far:

-10 pounds: haircut
This gives me some time to figure out what I want and to ask friends where they go for a haircut. I will probably land on Supercuts, but you never know. And 10 pounds is something that I can do that shouldn't take that long and is an amount that should be marked with some kind of something.

-25 pounds: find out about becoming a Mary Kay consultant (or whatever the official word is)
I need to spend some more time thinking about it but I think I could rake in some cash from co-workers if I were to be selling Mary Kay stuff. Doing parties would be fun and like I said before I love the skin care items I have and can definitely sell something I believe in.

Hmm, I guess that's all I've got so far. That's enough to keep me on track this week though!

my appearance

2008-11-02T18:17:00.000-08:00

Mary Kay skin care stuff is seriously kickass. I love it and I've only been using it for a few days. I'm totally sold. I guess the next step is to get actual makeup, but I'm pretty set on eyeshadow and whatnot for the time being. After I drop some weight, I think I might look into becoming a consultant or whatever because I can totally sell stuff I believe in. I just don't know that anyone would take me seriously at the moment in my ridiculously unglamorous norm.

My hair has gotten pretty long again. I kind of like and it kind of drives me crazy at the same time. I need a trim and some layers to make it look nice and like I did something to it on purpose. But the past week or so as I've been thinking about maybe actually styling it before going to work instead of showering and waiting for it to air dry a little bit and sticking it all in a ponytail, I've noticed how dry the ends are. I'm toying with the idea of getting a mildly drastic haircut. K didn't seem too distraught at the idea when I bounced it off him today. My mom will hate the idea, but then she'll like my hair when I actually get it cut. So now I just need to figure out what I want it to look like and if I should just do it whenever or if I should make it a weight loss goal reward.

My mom and I just restarted Weight Watchers together. I'll start doing specific updates again starting on Thursday since that's our meeting day. I'm really excited about it and pleased with our decision to go together and everything. I can drop 10 pounds without a lot of struggle and then it all unravels. I asked my mom if we could go together because she will be a great encouragement to me even without being very specific. Plus she always has great new snack discoveries. So far, it's going alright. This weekend has not been fantastic, but I made better decisions this weekend than I did last weekend and I am aware of how it could have been even better. I think that's how it all works. Eventually it adds up into it just being a state of mind rather than having to immediately going to log everything you eat after every meal or snack. I am slightly mortified about how much I currently weigh, so I'll probably just mention how much I've lost/gained each week without giving a total.

I just want to say again that I love the fall time change. Did you know that for up to three days after the time change in the fall there are less heart attacks and that for up to three days after the spring time change there are MORE heart attacks? It's all a matter of sleep. Make sure you're getting enough!

it's november, how did that happen?!?

2008-11-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of NaNoWriMo (is that right?), I'm going to try to post a blog every day for this month. I don't know how well I will do, but I will try. K is doing the novel writing thing and based on his recent drawing attempts, I'm pretty excited to see the result. My man is this amazing artist who doesn't seem to be completely aware how impressive his drawings are. Especially when he insists they are just sketches. My mom wants one of his sketches, literally as is, in a frame for Christmas.

Here's my random news for this post. My sister is pregnant! She is having a rough bout of not being able to keep anything down for very long. She was throwing up at one point and my niece went into the bathroom crying. My sister told her she was okay and it wouldn't last too much longer but she was just a little sick. My niece kept crying and then told my sister "I just don't want you to throw the baby up!" Four year olds are seriously the best.

Don't forget to change your clocks! Just another reason why fall makes me happy, an extra hour of sleep. :)

i feel like i'm taking crazy pills!

2008-10-21T03:09:00.000-07:00

Something that I love about me and K is that I completely adore movies that have little to no plot but make you laugh hysterically and he only tolerates them. I'm not a completely pushover for a stupid movie, but give me one based on an SNL sketch or something along those lines and I'm pretty much guaranteed to love it. Night at the Roxbury is amongst my favorites and I really do need to add Zoolander and Mystery Men to my collection at some point. K gamely watches these movies with me and laughs fairly heartily as well, but I think it's more at my intense enjoyment of such stupid cinematic offerings and not really at the movie itself.

Last night my dear friend Splenda, aka Kate, was over for a little one on one girl time before we met up with some more girls at a fabulous bistro-ish place for dinner, and we marveled at K's laughter through the closed bedroom door while he was watching The Family Guy. He has a really deep voice anyway and his laugh is loud and contagious and I think we both thought the door was open and were startled to discover it had been in fact closed. He told me once that his mom and sister hated him watching Conan because they'd already be in bed and he'd wake them up with his laughter even though the tv wasn't really near either one of them.

All that to say, laughing with K is one of my favorite things.

quick and dirty

2008-10-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

I think the ants read my blog. I now have an ant bite IN BETWEEN TWO TOES. It looks like my toe is swollen because of the damn welt.

Also, I pulled a back muscle the other day and spent most of Sunday in misery in bed on top of a heating pad. I guess all the pain medicine caught up with my stomach and that twisting and turning just woke me up. I ate a little cereal (if you haven't had Cinnamon Toast Crunch any time recently, do yourself a favor and get a box. It's heaven) and some Rolaids. Basically, I'm a freaking mess. And today is probably the day where they will freak out if I try to be late or leave early from work.

Back to my warm bed...

spinach dip

2008-10-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I hosted a Mary Kay party at my mom's house and I made spinach dip because I had a hankering for it. Everyone raved about it which made me feel a little sheepish because to me, spinach dip is such a whip it up last minute kind of thing that I felt a little bad getting accolades for it. So because I believe everyone should know the joy of an impressive yet amazingly easy dip, here's the recipe:

Spinach Dip

16 oz sour cream
1 cup mayo
1 4 oz can of water chestnuts drained and roughly chopped
10 oz package of frozen spinach, thawed and excess water squeezed out
large loaf of crusty bread (sourdough or french bread are my faves)

Mix everything except for the bread together and chill for at least an hour. Then serve with chunks of the crusty bread. An especially impressive serving idea is to hollow out a round loaf of bread and put the dip in there. Cut the bread you hollow out into chunks and serve for dipping. Then be prepared for gushing compliments.

five tv shows I love

2008-10-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

Life

Holy crap, why are you not watching this show?! It's about a cop who was in jail for a murder he didn't commit. He was found innocent after seven years in jail where he took up meditation and Zen ideals to get through being in jail as a cop. He got a bunch of money and reinstated as a detective. The cases are crazy, the characters are fantastic and deep, and Charlie is quirky and smart and trying to figure out who framed him on the side. For reals, start watching this show immediately if not sooner.

Grey's Anatomy

It had me from the very first episode. I would think there's only so much you can do with a show that takes place mostly in a hospital, but every episode makes me tear up at least once. Working in a hospital myself means that I realize McDreamy is really only a figment of the writers' imagination but I still am entertained by the show. Then there's a blog that gets posted by the main writer of the episode the day after which offers all kinds of cool insight and has only made me a bigger fan.

The Office

Hysterical. Stomach pain inducing laughter occurs almost every single episode. And, they only get funnier the more times you watch the same episode! If you start watching from the very beginning, you have to give yourself a few episodes to get into it. It's unlike any other show on American television (at least as far as I've been exposed to). But it is hysterical. Steve Carrell is fantastic at being earnestly idiotic and the whole Jim and Pam thing is heart-warming even when it's heart breaking. Watch and you'll know what I mean.

House

I kind of like watching this show on dvd or in some sort of other marathon format. It's another hospital show which I suppose begs the question of whether or not working in a hospital makes me predisposed to enjoying medically influenced television. Every episode is kind of the same in that there's a medical mystery, the first diagnosis is wrong, and then something weird happens that makes House or someone else realize what is really going on. But the characters are really deep and the interactions are unpredictable in some ways and I can't help but be completely sucked into the whole thing. Also, it is a fantastic juxtaposition of the world view that was common in the 50s with the world view of today. The 50s were much more black and white and science based (which is represented by Dr. House) and today we live in many more gray areas and focus on feelings and reactions more than facts and if/than kinds of situations. I just nerded it up real good for ya, didn't I.

Family Guy

Okay, years ago when it had been canceled and the only way you could watch it was on dvd, someone lent it to me and swore it was the funniest show EVER. I couldn't get into it. I love The Simpsons. But in the past couple of years, Family Guy has definitely grown on me. Probably because you can watch it every night on a variety of channels. I love the interactions between Stewie and Brian the most. I think it would kind of be funnier if the family didn't really understand Stewie, but then it would be hard to make the conversations between Stewie and Brian happen and that's definitely the best part of any episode. Somewhat offensive and ridiculous, and sometimes over the top, but I still am entertained by the show. I pretty much just watch it on Cartoon Network though so I'm not all up to date on the latest episodes. Incidently, I LOVE Adult Swim. The Oblongs and Mission Hill could make it onto my favorites list if there were more episodes available for viewing.

i am allergic to ant bites

2008-10-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

No really. When I get an ant bite, it initially hurts. Then I get a little white bump that kind of looks like it's full of puss and a huge pink welt surrounding it. When I say huge, I mean on average the circumference of a soda can and I promise you I'm not kidding. It itches like a mofo and people at work start asking me if I have a wound with MRSA or something. Nope, just a freaking ant bite. I currently have one on my arm and yesterday someone asked if it gets that bad now what it was like when I was a kid. I said when I was a kid, I lived in California where ants are civilized and do not bite you. The ones who do bite are fire ants and they advertise the fact that they bite by being red. Stupid Texan bugs. All of them bite! Everything is bigger in Texas, including the attitudes and self-importance of teeny tiny bugs.

This week started out awesome because I was going to get a whole bunch of overtime. The other secretary called in sick for the entire week because of some sort of crazy set of allergies and I was going to come in early for three days and end up with 12 hours of overtime. Tuesday I did my 12 hour shift. Wednesday I got up and into the shower and got out of the shower to a voicemail saying they didn't need me and I would be on call until my regularly scheduled time. Same thing on Thursday. Then on Thursday I got sent home early. So now, if I manage to work my entire shift today, I'm going to squeak by with a 40 hour week. This whole thing makes me very grumpy because I could so use the money and also I am feeling very sleep deprived.

K is a night owl. I thought I was a night owl until our schedules began to collide. I really can't stay up past 2 or 2:30 am if I have to work or do anything the next day. K can stay up all night except for a two hour nap and then go work a full shift and hang out or otherwise not take a nap and be pretty good to go. I think he's crazy and envy this all at the same time. Night time is our catch-up time. His schedule isn't consistent but us both being home after I get off from work is, at least for the most part. Even on the nights when I kind of just want to come inside and get straight into bed, I am distracted by the desire to tell him all about my day and hear about his. I end up staying up until at least 3 if not later and it's lovely because I think my boyfriend is amazing and funny and I love spending time with him but it's awful because then I wake up and find it difficult to be in a good mood without a whole lot of behind the eyes effort. If I start to think about what it will be like when we have kids, I want to cry. And also move, because our apartment is too small for the two of us so adding anyone else would just be stupid right now.

As falling back asleep before work today isn't really going to work, I'm totally going to play Pacman. I bought a video game (it actually has 14 arcade games total from the 80s and 90s, not just Pacman), all by myself, that not only do I think is awesome but K thinks is awesome as well. I'm prouder of myself than I really should be.

tired and grumpy may not be the best time to post a blog

2008-10-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

I am tired of a bunch of stuff. This cold that appears and disappears and then reappears for one is really getting on my nerves. I suppose that points to it being allergies rather than a cold but I take medicine that up until the past couple of weeks has worked quite well and I simply do not have money to go to the doctor right now. So there's that.

At work I answer the phone "(Name of Department), it's Melissa." 8 out of 10 times the first thing the person on the other line says is "Who is this?" Realizing I could perhaps be saying everything quite quickly and not realizing it sounds like mush, I will slowly repeat my name. This is all reasonable until the other person then says "Oh hi, Rosa (or Elsie, or Lisa, or Laura)" or if the entire reason they were calling was to get our fax number. What does my name have to do with the fax number?

I guess I lost my mind a little when I was apartment hunting and decided a first floor place was the way to go. Next lease has got to be a spot where no one is living above me. Maybe a house. Sometimes I just sit in the living room and try to match the moving about pattern with a picture in my head and lately it mostly seems to go with someone starting at the front door and hopping back and forth. And what is the deal with the vacuuming every day? I usually vacuum once a week (more if the floor warrants it of course). The only time I've ever vacuumed daily was once when I was about thirteen and I got in trouble for something and that was part of my punishment, vacuuming every day.

I am tired of being a flake but I can't seem to stop. Once upon a time if I said I was going to be someplace or do something, it was considered almost worrisome if I was late. Now, I'm not sure anyone completely believes me when I say I'm going to do something for them. I hope they at least believe I MEAN to follow through because I truly honestly do, but what happened? How did that switch get flipped and how do I flip it back?

My blood pressure is high, I have acid reflux, and I use a heating pad almost daily to ease back aches. I honestly believe all of these issues would be helped if not completely alleviated by weight loss. So why can't I just do it? Why can't I just choose better foods, do work out videos, cut out caffeine again, and make it happen? If I lost 100 pounds, I would look amazing. If I lost 30 pounds, I could buy much cuter clothes and probably put the heating pad away. Either scenario is possible and within my reach as long as I stay dedicated. When I see pictures of myself, I see an overstuffed couch. That right there should be enough, and then factoring in the health issues, seriously, what is my deal?

I used to LOVE the Post Secret web site and looked forward to seeing new postcards every Sunday. Now I still check the site every week but the fact there are so many books and the touring and whatnot is all kind of a turn-off. It was cooler when it was a random art project instead of a source of great income for the site creator. Good for him, I guess, and it was a great idea. I'm still growing disenchanted I suppose.

My dear friend Kate, aka Splenda, recently reminded me that when she first met me I told her I knew myself very well. I don't know what happened to that confidence. I'm not sure where my list making went and the last time I wrote in my personal handwritten journal was February. Despite this grumpy blog entry, I am mostly happy in my day to day life. So what happened to the knowing myself, the lofty goals, the determination to DO something and BE someone?

No more big breakouts please. A zit here and there is fine, but do they have to be so huge? I'm 28. That fact should overrule existence of acne. It just should.

I'm running out of steam, so back to bed I go. Wish me luck on getting through my Friday at work!

oh for heaven's sake

2008-10-10T04:05:00.000-07:00

I will discuss a multitude of things with people. I don't really like talking about politics at work unless I feel like it can be a mature discussion with no lasting hard feelings, but I'll breach that every so often. I don't expect everyone to agree with me and as long as you have a well-formed opinion that is backed by facts and reason, I will respect it even if it is the exact opposite of my opinion.

With that said, for the sake of lollipops and everything else delightful, FACT CHECK. Do not take the word of someone telling you it is so, take a few moments and Google the quote or the event or the person. Do not make a decision about voting based on on eleven year old's rant. Do not believe something just because it appears in print. Look at different sources, watch different newscasts, read a variety of news sites.

Or at the very least, don't spout off random crap that I know is not true and expect me to respect your stance on the issue we're discussing.

It is incredibly easy to see the voting record of every member of the Senate. Factcheck.org recaps the debates and lists the mistakes each candidates make and it doesn't seem like they are taking anybody's side either. Snoopes.com is a good starting point for heaven's sake!

it's late

2008-09-20T03:28:00.000-07:00

In a few hours I have to get up and ready for cupcake day with the babies, but I can't turn my head off and go to sleep. I have a lovely and comfortable bed and am exhausted from my week, but sometimes that doesn't add up to equal sleep for some reason.

Hurricane Ike had a significant impact on me this week. Not so much as far as the weather was concerned. It was a strange experience for me though. I grew up with earthquakes. You don't know when they will strike or what the damage will be and how many aftershocks will come. It just happens and then you figure out everything else from there. Being able to watch a hurricane come closer to where you live for a week and hear the predictions and learning about what the different classifications mean is not something I would say is in my comfort zone. It turned a little as it hit the United States which means we got a lot of clouds, some crazy orange lightening that was eerily beautiful, and a snipped of rain that was most assuredly hurricane rain because it smelled like fish and ass. That was about it for most San Antonio residents, I do believe.

However, I work in a hospital. Galveston was completely evacuated and Houston had some serious power and water issues this week. My hospital ended up with over 200 transferred patients from each city and spots in between I'm sure. I got a lot of extra hours which is good for the paycheck but not so good for the feet. The phones were ten times crazier than usual because of family members from all over the state calling to locate their loved ones. It was like being in the middle of the aftermath of a huge earthquake but strange because we were all supposed to be able to have at least a week to prepare for it all. I don't think I could handle living in a spot where tornadoes are a regular occurrence at all!

Sarah Palin as a vice-presidential nominee... Mostly what I think can be summed up by the phrase "holy crap." Jon Stewart asked if she won some sort of contest or something. I definitely fall more on the Democrat side of ideology but do not vote strictly by party. I try to weigh issues and vote for who or what I think is best. I have to say though. Obama and Biden are getting my vote. And if I could vote for them a few more times, I would. I respect McCain and his record but am tired of hearing about him being a POW and am having trouble even entertaining the idea that he would be anything but a continuance of the current Bush administration and I do not think our country can handle four more years down the road we are on without facing even more serious reprecussions than we already have.

In any case, I would like to encourage you to make sure you're registered to vote and to show up and cast your ballot. It's important. We have an amazing system in our country where the people are allowed to voice their opinion and speak their minds through official stating what they want. There will be an exchange of power that will be peaceful and respectful. And hopefully regardless of who the next President is, he will be able to unify our country a little more. I do believe each man is interested in that aspect of the office.

Things with K are so good. I really love him and I revel in the fact he truly loves me as well. We were talking sometime last week and I mentioned that we'll need to figure out where we're headed in a few months just from a practical standpoint. He got this strange look on his face. I told him I didn't mean he had to propose or we had to be married by May, but maybe he could just tell me something like he wanted to marry me but wasn't sure when. He replied with "Melissa. I want to marry you, I just don't know when." This made me really happy because although I have felt that was the case, he hasn't actually said it and I just don't have the best track record with relationships and understanding what the guy really means or where his head is really at with everything. I'm that girl who needs the actual words spoken (or written) because I cannot trust myself to assume correctly. Anyway, when I excitedly told a couple of people about this, they looked at me like I was retarded and asked how I didn't know that because everyone else certainly does. Have you ever felt good and stupid at the same time? Without alcohol involved?

I need some new blogs to read. Any suggestions?

I'm going to try to catch some sleep now. Hopefully I'll be able to do a little picture post of the cupcake extravaganza. My niece AND nephew will be meeting me at my parents' house to make TWO kinds of cupcakes with frosting and lots of sprinkles. I'm really excited. I hope they are too! I figure after we're done with the cupcake making we can do laps around the backyard to get some of the sugar worn off before my brother-in-law comes to pick them up. :)

when my niece has pigtails, she's extra cute

2008-09-01T20:36:00.000-07:00

"Okay, let me repeat what I heard you say back to you and you tell me if that's what you're thinking."

"Okay Auntie."

"You want me to come to your house, pick you and your brother up. Then we'll drop your brother off at the movies and you and I will go to my house and make lots and lots of cupcakes. Is that right?"

"Yes. Wait. Maybe someone should stay with my brother."

"Yes, I think that's probably a good idea. He's three."

"Papa? Want to go to the movies?"

...

2008-08-17T13:44:00.000-07:00

I just want to say that I have been so wrapped up in a rotten work situation, thinking about my life as one big hot mess, and just generally living life that I haven't had the gumption to choose words carefully enough to publish for everyone to read. I'm sure I'll be back to posting a whole bunch again soon, but for now, probably not so much.

oh my darlin

2008-07-30T10:44:00.000-07:00

So for whatever reason I adore the name Clementine.

I am like every other girl I know in that ever since I was like 8 I've daydreamed details about my life in the future. And because I am a child of the 80s that future life always included a wedding, husband, and kids. I think my niece is going to grow up daydreaming about being a princess because of Disney's thorough marketing campaign, but that's a blog for another day. I have all these details I think would look fabulous in a wedding kind of setting and names I think would be fantastic for future kids of mine. To be clear, I'm not a crazy girl and I don't have anything decided in a set in stone kind of way because I hope to make those kinds of decisions with my someday husband and whatnot. The only thing I know for sure about my wedding is I have the father/daughter dance song picked out. I figure that's something I can definitely decide by myself.

Anyway.

A few years ago, I heard the name Clementine again and I just loved it. So it became my new favorite name for a baby girl but every time I mentioned it to anyone, they would grimace even after I said "Isn't Clementine Jane such a cute name? Because Jane is MY middle name?" My mom told me she'd buy me a dog so I could have my Clementine because no grandchild of hers would be a Clementine.

K and I have talked about baby names and stuff and ideas we've had before being together as a couple and we like some of each other's ideas and don't like others but I didn't even mention Clementine because it's been designated as a strange daydream in my little head. Except a week or so ago i was watching E! and one of those celebrity updates scrolled across the bottom of the screen.

Ethan Hawke and his wife had a baby girl and named her...CLEMENTINE JANE! What are the odds of that?! I called my mom and told her I was affirmed since a movie star had chosen my name for his daughter. Her immediate response was "Dear God. Please let Melissa and K have only boys. Amen."

The other night one of my all time favorite music artists, Tiffany Lee aka Plumb had a baby girl. What's her name? Clementine Fire.

Clementine is back baby! I think now my mom is praying that by the time I do have a baby girl that the name is so popular that I decide against it because I have said that any name on the past two years top ten lists is automatically disqualified.

By the way, I'm not pregnant or anything. Just a girl.

sorry...

2008-07-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

I just kind of haven't felt like writing lately. There's tons of stuff going on that is probably worth posting about, but for some reason I've had some writer's block. With pretty much everything. I start letters (mostly to you, Tina, sorry...), emails, surveys, everything and just not finishing them. I put a blog on my myspace because that's a theoretically safer spot to post things of a more sensitive nature since my profile is private.

But anyway...

Last night K and I went to one of his friend's birthday party. I'm not going to lie. I didn't want to go. I don't have a very good history with this particular person and even now that things are not as volitale as they once were, there's still a little tension. Or maybe just an uncomfortable feeling on both sides is more like it because we've been able to do some double dates without any major awfulness happening. My good friend Splenda came with us and through a combination of things, namely K making sure to include us both in conversation and the abundance of alcohol available even though the invitation totally said BYOB, I had a genuinely good time. I got to see some people I already knew and like hanging out with and then I got to meet some other people I've heard about here and there and some of them were super cool.

I was involved in an unoffical drinking contest. The thing about pina coladas is it is a little difficult to taste the alcohol so it kind of sneaks up on you. I have no idea how many I had. Too many to even bother trying to figure out Weight Watcher points for, heh. But I suddenly realized I was right at the line between having a good time and crossing over into what I like to call Puke City. So I notified the other participant I was done and he put up a good fight for why we should continue, but I noticed he stopped drinking too as I switched to water. He said today that we'll have to go again because the stipulation for last night was only one of us was walking away from the table and we both did.

The other thing that I really enjoyed was that all of K's friends know we moved in together and so that was a topic for discussion last night for a few minutes. Almost all of them seem genuinely happy and kind of excited even about this recent development. Someone asked us if we were getting married and when I said we were talking about it, but we're kind of at the very beginning of talking about it, they were really excited for us. It's really fun to be happy about something going on in your life and share it with someone else and have them be happy for you too, you know?

All in all, it was a good night. And kind of help make up for the fact that the new X-Files movie, the one I've been looking forward to seeing for roughly a year and got to see yesterday morning, was awful. Maybe they can make another one in a couple of years and redeem themselves. SATC can go ahead and make another one in a couple of years as well. Getting movies out of The West Wing and Friends might be a little too much though, but I will take continuing storylines from X-Files and Sex and the City as long as they churn them out. Unless the next X-Files movie is as rotten as this one was. David Duchovny is still yummy. Even with a crazy unabomber beard and everything. :)

I've got one more day off and then it'll be back to my typical somewhat stressful work week. In anticipation of which I plan to do not much of anything for most of the day tomorrow. Right after I clean the bathroom, take out all the trash, and maybe vaccuum.

hope floats makes me fall asleep every time i try to watch it

2008-07-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about hope a lot over the past few days. There's a movie preview where the tag line is something like hope didn't give up on (insert name). I don't think hope has given up on me either. I find myself hoping for a lot of things. Some of them are not very significant or important to other people like how I hope I can find whatever magical combination of ant sprays and apartment office intervention to avoid being bitten in places that are awkard to scratch in social situations. I hope that this weekend brings me enough time to clean up my living room in a way that when I open the door after a long day at work, I breathe a sigh of comfort. I hope my new birth control pills drastically change my menstrual experience in all ways and forms. And if they could clear up my face that'd be awesome as well. It's only been a week so there's definitely still hope on both counts of that one.

We'll see what happens!

vodka tonics are my drink of choice at the moment

2008-06-08T23:17:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Splenda is back in town and it is so incredibly nice to be able to just meet up with her for drinks any old time (practically anyway, we both do have moderately ridiculous schedules). Tonight was the first time in a long time that I had more than one or two drinks at a bar! It wasn't just Kate or anything. That's just where it started. My boyfriend met up with us and then some more people came too and all in all I have to say that Sunday night is definitely the best night to have some drinks. It's not all crazy karaoke loud and sometimes Sunday nights are just a good time to have some vodka and laugh at old memories.

fantastic recipe: easy homemade hummus

2008-06-02T11:15:00.000-07:00

Hummus is a dip that is most often enjoyed with pita bread. It's also fantastic with veggies, crackers, or a toasted English muffin. It's a good way to get some extra fiber in and although I don't have a calorie breakdown for you, I do know it's a pretty healhty snack (depending on what you enjoy it with, of course).

I got this recipe off the back of a bottle of McCormick ground cumin.

Ingredients:

1 15 oz can of chickpeas (garbanzo beans)
1 clove garlic
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp ground red pepper
1/4 tsp salt

Drain the can of chickpeas but reserve the liquid. Put all ingredients except the reserved liquid in a food processor or blender. Blend until it has a smooth consistancy, adding small amounts of liquid at a time. Serve with pita bread or pita chips!

Make sure you put any remaining hummus in the fridge. It will probably taste even better the next day as the flavors have more time to meld.

fantastic recipe: proper cosmopolitan

2008-06-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

2 oz vodka
1 oz cranberry juice
1 oz lime juice
1/2 oz cointreau (or other orange liquer)

Shake with ice, strain into a glass, and enjoy!

It will be a light pink color because vodka is the main ingredient, not cranberry juice. It will also be strong, as most martinis are.

movie review monday: sex and the city

2008-06-02T10:26:00.000-07:00

SPOILERS AT THE BOTTOM. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE AND WANT TO, STOP READING AT "FAVORITES"

Ahhh, Sex and the City. I love it, I really do.

I worked at Blockbuster a few years ago and we got five free rentals a week which was definitely the best part of the job. I decided to get the first season of Sex and the City because there was still quite a buzz about it and I've never had HBO so I had no idea what it was all about. For whatever reason, the first season managed to completely hook me and I watched and eventually bought all the seasons. I have seen every single episode a multitude of times. I've had marathon viewings with friends, and just basically love the series. Yes, there's a lot of sex. But more than sex, I think the point of the series is relationships. The friendships between the women, and the dating (and later more serious) relationships they have with men and all the dynamics inbetween. I'm not super into fashion, shoes, makeup, or glamor so I think that's the best testament to what I'm saying about relationships being front and center in the series.

So, when the movie was announced as being back on and then when actual production started, I stayed on top of the information enough to find out when it was being released and then did my best to avoid any further information. I even managed to skip over commercials and previews! I got the day off from work and when I told my boyfriend's sister about it, she got half a day off from work and we bought tickets in advance for her, myself, and K. We made cosmopolitans at my apartment and then trekked over to the theater to wait in line.

I think there were about five guys in the full theater and most of the women were dressed up. I think a lot of them came from work, but a good portion of them definitely got dressed up just to see the movie. It was fun to be in an audience that applauded when the music started and understood some of the scenes that were only funny if you knew the characters.

I loved the movie. It wasn't particularly special or movie-esque though. It was kind of like watching half a season's worth of episodes all at once more than watching a movie. I hope that if they do make another one they go with more of a movie plot rather than a bunch of little plots that add up to two and a half hours. But I thought the story lines were great. It was like visiting with old friends.

I would love to go see it again, so anyone in the area who wants to go, just let me know! And now I'm going to list my favorite and least favorite parts so if you haven't seen the movie and still want to, STOP READING NOW.

Favorite parts:
-cameos from people I did not expect to be in the movie at all, like Enid
-the take/toss/store fashion show in Carrie's apartment
-the love letters
-Louise from St. Louis' renting habit
-acknowledging the women were older
-Charlotte's girls' names
-When Charlotte saw Big and actually used her opening line and added a hand motion. That scene, because the look of surprise and pride on her face after actually getting to do it was fantastic.
-Big's proposal

Thing that were lacking:
-more interaction between Charlotte and Harry. Cutest family ever
-it taking Miranda so long to come to her senses.
-Carrie's shoes. Or lack of them rather.
-More cameos from characters of seasons past would have been great. It wasn't absolutely necessary but could have been really cool if done right. And maybe that was the whole problem.

Overall, I loved it. I'll definitely buy it when it comes out and probably watch it five thousand times, just like the rest of the SATC dvds I've got. :)

someday i want a wii of my very own

2008-05-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Today was pretty nice. I got to sleep in a little bit and then just as I was about to start leisurely getting ready for work, I got a phone call saying it was super slow so they were just going to put me on call. I have a feeling that I could have argued my way into going in but I think sometimes it's just better to go with the flow. Especially when it means an unexpected day off!

I unpacked some more stuff, organized things a little bit, did some laundry... K came over after he was done working for a little while which was definitely a nice and unexpected plus of the day. We went over to my parent's house and played with their new Wii and ate pizza and drank margaritas. It was a lot of fun having a nice low-key kind of evening.

The other day I went to Weight Watchers and while I was standing in line waiting for my turn to step on the scale, I got my little booklet and stuff out. Then I realized I hadn't been in a month. This bummed me out because I really had no idea that it had been an entire month. I gained three pounds, which by itself isn't a huge deal. I can work that right off my booty in a couple of weeks as long as I stay on top of everything again. I am more dissappointed by the fact that I let an entire month go by without counting points or weighing in without even realizing it. I feel like this is something I do to myself a lot and I have no idea how to break that pattern.

Yesterday was fun too though. Sushi for my dad's birthday celebration, playing Wii games, and running around with my niece and nephew making them laugh hysterically. I don't know what it is exactly, but I have ALWAYS been able to make my niece laugh harder for longer than I've seen others do. Not that I'm the only one she likes to play with, but it makes my heart so happy to run around with her and have her shrieking with laughter like that. It'll make me smile for a week just to remember it for a minute.

All in all, things are good albeit a tiny bit boring. Sometimes that's not really so bad though. :)

i hate ants.

2008-05-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

I grew up in California where the bugs are annoying but not malicious. Now I'm in Texas and I have to say that quite frankly it pisses me off that little teeny tiny ants bite. And it freaking hurts when they do! And what is the point of them biting me? All that happens is that I cuss at them and then totally squish them. And these are not even fire ants. These are a handful of black ants wandering around here and there in my apartment. They're all going to die next Tuesday though.

I only feel this violently towards ants, don't worry.

a 10 hour saturday at work

2008-05-18T04:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I worked a 10 hour shift. I don't know exactly how this happened or what I was thinking when I said it'd be fine because last night I was seriously exhausted. Luckily it wasn't a very busy day, just lots of cleaning and wiping people's butts because I was part secretary but mostly nurse's aide. I seriously love the two nurses that I worked with yesterday. I don't think I could work on a Saturday with the other set of nurses that work on the weekends together, but anytime these two needed me, I'd do it again. Even knowing how ridiculously tired I will be at the end of the night.

There was one patient who was this sweet old lady who was getting a blood transfusion. She was a little bit confused, but not completely out of it. Her brother actually brought her in for the transfusion and we got her all comfortable in a recliner with the tv on in a spot right by the nurse's station in case she got extra confused and needed a little more attention. I had to take vital signs every hour and every time she had something new to tell me that made giggle a little bit. One time I went to start getting her blood pressure and she said "Well, Kennedy is resting comfortably, let's hope the rest of us are." It was kind of an astute observation. Then the patient in the slot next to hers starting moaning again because he was in pain (and to be honest, a bit of a drama queen), and she frowned and then said "Well, Kennedy is resting comfortably, let's hope the rest of us are." This made me want to laugh like crazy, but I just smiled and asked her if I could get her anything at all.

Later on I went to take her vital signs and realized her pants were hanging over the little garbage can. I have no idea when exactly it happened, but she had an accident and just took her pants off and laid them in the trash can. She was still sitting in her recliner and had a towel daintly draped across her crossed legs. At first glance, it seemed like she had just gotten cold, but it was definitely her pants in the trash can. I got her some scrub pants and gathered some wipes and stuff and went into her room.

"Mrs. R, do you need some clean pants?"

She took a peek under the towel and said "Why, I don't have any on, so I guess I do!"

I cleaned her all up, got her in the scrub pants, cleaned up the recliner and got her a fresh sheet and pillow. I told her to just let me know if she needed anything at all and she put her little hand on my arm and said "You're a good man, Charlie Brown."

Seriously, it's things like this that make me want to stay in the medical field forever. Little touches of compassion and patience go such a long way and it just makes me feel good to do something nice for someone, even if I know they probably won't even remember it tomorrow.

I definitely like days like yesterday better than the ones spent answering the phone with rude doctors on the other end who would like to know why I haven't read their minds yet.

...

2008-05-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

There is something to be said for living in a place where the store brand jalapeno poppers are considerably more spicy than the name brand jalapeno poppers.

who knew you could fit so much into one kitchen?

2008-05-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of moving help on Saturday and I got almost everything packed up and ready to go. I have some odds and ends here and there, things on the wall, and most of the kitchen left to bring to the new place. I've done two trips where I had needed to take care of some other things and stopped by my old place and filled up my truck cab with stuff from the kitchen. Today I realized that this method is going to take forever. I need to go there after work tonight and just empty out all the cabinets and load up my truck and bring it all home. I will just have to wait to catch up on sleep and other things like setting up my gym routine again until next week when I only have one apartment in my name.

But I do have cable, internet, and phone. And something else that's awesome is I totally have an intrusion alarm on my apartment. Don't be trying to break in, EVERYONE will know! And, even with all the stuff I have left to do, I feel like half of my usual stress load has been lifted right off my shoulders. My new place already feels like home. Even with the boxes and the kitchen especially being in such disarray.

Yay for such a great move!

this is the most grown up looking apartment i've ever had

2008-05-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

First of all I have to say my dad will be proud but probably shake his head at me when I tell him that I turned my computer on just to see if there were any unprotected wireless networks I could borrow for the day and immediately found on. I'm not going to cancel my own actual internet service or anything, but it sure is nice to sit and relax with some bloggin' before I get back to all the unpacking and figuring out what else I need to buy and when to do it and all of that madness. :)

My new apartment is fantastic. There is still some stuff in my old place and I still need to clean it up a little but I am going to be actually living at the new place from now (well, yesterday) on. The cool thing is that the people who helped me move think it is just as great as I do. It's extra fun when other people get excited with you about something you've done or bought or have looked forward to. I'm still working on putting all the furniture where it will really be and I have two items that I am starting to lean more and more towards getting rid of but I am a little hesitant to make that decision final. I don't know what to do with them though!

K was super grumpy last night and I have learned that sometimes it is better to just let him be when he's grumpy because then he'll eventually tell me what's bothering him. I used to ask him what was going on and he'd deny anything was on his mind and get even grumpier. You learn a lot about someone in two years of dating I suppose. Anyway, something that I admire about him that annoys me at the same time is the fact he adjusts so well to his surroundings and circumstances that he rarely wonders what things would be like if they were different. I am envious in some ways because until very recently I've had one foot out the door at all times. With jobs, with where I've lived, with relationships in some ways, just in everything. I often have to tell myself to only do one thing at a time so I can have time to actually enjoy just where I'm at instead of staring off wistfully into the distance wondering what's coming up next. K doesn't really do that. A little bit, sure, but he's never spent an afternoon thinking about which foriegn country he would most like to live in for a year and thought of a possible way to make it happen. I think that's fun to do sometimes.

Something I did not know that he explained to me was that he just simply doesn't like change. He doesn't like having to get to know a new area. He doesn't like things being different. Even if the new thing is better, he just doesn't like it at first. So he's grumpy because I moved. We have to get to know a different neighborhood and find new little hole in the wall places to eat close to my apartment. He has to drive a different way to work. My apartment looks different. The stuff in the kitchen is going to be in different spots. I'm glad he knows exactly why he is grumpy and decided to tell me, but I'm just hoping he'll get over it soon. Especially because I am super stoked to be here and I think this was a fantastic decision and move in a lot of different ways.

There's a lot of stuff I need to take care of to be able to just go to bed tonight and go to work tomorrow without jumping through ten different hoops to get ready. Plus, my mom is cooking salmon tonight. I could make it myself, but I've had a hankering for it for awhile and I can't make it for myself any old time and have dinner with my grandmother at the same time. It's a good deal all around to hang out with the fam tonight. :)

weight watchers unofficial update

2008-05-01T13:37:00.001-07:00

Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that I have lost 10 pounds through Weight Watchers so I got my second little star sticker. I love stars so this works out extra well for me. :)

My clothes are fitting better, I feel better, and I feel motivated to keep on going.

The other day at work, someone commented that I look different from my name badge picture. I started talking about how my hair is different and she politely listened and then said "No, I mean it looks like you've lost some weight."

Yay!

i could make an AWESOME fort in my living room right now

2008-05-01T12:41:00.000-07:00

I'm moving on Saturday! I am very excited about this. I have lived in my current place for a year and nine months and it's been fine, but I'm really looking forward to the new apartment. It's closer to work and it's a tiny bit bigger and a tiny bit cheaper. The price difference is enough to cover my cell phone bill so that's cool with me. The kitchen and the bathroom are a little bit smaller than in my current placce, but I'd rather have a bigger living area in exchange so that's cool. Plus, the bathroom is not actually in my bedroom, which again, not a big deal but so nice for it to be that way.

Before the exciting part of moving everything in and deciding where everything goes and then making plans to invite people over for dinner and a movie night or just to hang out for a bit, I have to finish pack everything up and get it moderately organized so the people that have so graciously agreed to help don't find the whole task to be arduous. I hate packing. I really seriously do. I don't even really like packing for small trips. I either end up with too much or too little. You'd think packing everything I own would be fun because it's a good opportunity to evaluate whether or not I really need all this stuff, but no. It's a pain in my ass.

The packing does lead to unpacking which I am a fan of. I like getting to decide where everything goes and making a new place feel like home. I'm excited to explore my new neighborhood and find where the good grocery story and Target are and all of that stuff. Should be good times!

10 things I thought about last week

2008-04-20T06:25:00.000-07:00

1. I am getting burnt out at work and therefore need to take a couple of weeks that I only work 40 hours. I'm not quite sure when that will happen exactly, but I think Monday is a good day to sit down and talk to my boss about putting it on the calendar.

2. Apartment hunting is a huge pain in the ass. First of all, you have to find places to go look at. Then you need to figure out if it's worth your time to actually go to the complex and walk around and whatnot. Sometimes when you call, you find out the office people work on commission because you can't get them to give you a straight answer on whether or not the size apartment you want is available and they suggest coming in within the hour to make sure their "last one until July" is snatched up.

3. I think I have a place to move into now though. I'll know for sure in a couple of days and I'm not super worried but I sure would like it to be for reals so I can stop looking through the little books and at web sites and making phone calls. Also I need a good solid motivating factor to pack and go through my crap to make sure I really want to take it with me. Any input on living on the first floor vs the third floor is greatly appreciated!

4. There is no proper way to try to explain to your boyfriend why working 50 hours a week is so different than working 35 hours a week without sounding like a self-important or self-absorbed jerk.

5. My legs hurt like a mofo earlier this week and my back is killing me this weekend. I think ordering new work shoes online was the smart thing to do. Hopefully they make a marked difference quickly because I can't think of anything else to fix the problem. I would like to avoid taking various pain killer medicines every day if at all possible.

6. I feel as though I am perpetually grumpy.

7. Sometimes I feel like a jerk for not really wanting to do stuff with people from work on the weekends based mostly on the fact that I just want a freaking break from that place on the two days I don't get paid to care about what happens at the hospital. The work weeks have been rough for the last few months and I don't want to talk about it at all on Saturday and Sunday because I HAVE to talk about it Monday through Friday. But some of the people I work with are really lovely and I feel like I'm missing out by not hanging out with them when they invite me. I don't know.

8. It's Fiesta time in San Antonio. I don't really know anything about it.

9. My family is a really great group of people. Even the extended members that sometimes frustrate me because I don't understand where they are coming from and they don't understand where I am coming from either make me feel lucky to be a part of my family.

10. As soon as I can do it without sacrificing groceries or gas for it, I'm ordering some sort of acne dissappearing kit and the good kind of makeup from Sephora. And maybe some Philosophy bodywash/bubble bath. I am at the beginning stages of desperately needing to feel like a pretty and moderately pampered girl again.

wednesday wonders

2008-04-09T23:18:00.000-07:00

Happy things!

...going to the gym after work. It's late and maybe a little scary walking back out into the parking lot, but it feels so great to sweat off stress and frustration and get my heart in a tiny bit better shape. The new plan is three times a week no matter what! So far, so good. :)
...vodka tonics. My new favorite drink when I am in a drink having mood.
...free boxes from Starbucks and the hospital.
...getting pretty close to knowing where I'm going to move to.
...dinner with K and my parents on Sunday night. The Thai food was delicious. How can you not love coconut milk curry?
...going to leave from dinner with K and my parents and then standing in the parking lot talking for another half hour. It is fantastic that my boyfriend is so comfortable around my family.
...having WW points at the end of the day after coming home from work and being able to have a nice little snack before bedtime. I feel like this is a habit I need to break at some point but right now as long as I'm within my points I think it's alright.
...eating ridiculous amounts of fruit. Do you know how delicious an orange is when you keep it in the fridge? It's fantastic. And if you haven't sliced the top off a kiwi and scooped it out with a spoon any time recently, go to the grocery store immediately.
...feeling more confident as a nurses's aide.
...laughing cow reduced fat spreadable cheese. I freaking love that stuff. And I love all the flavors. And I love that the last three times I've bought it I've had a coupon.
...coupons.
...I hate the circumstances, but I am ridiculously happy my dear friend Splenda is moving back to San Antonio in a month or so. It's going to be so kickass!
...good paychecks.
...making out with K.
...K calling me at work to tell me he misses me and he is getting kind of grumpy because he hasn't seen me in a few days. I'm sorry he's a grouch but I like knowing how much he loves me.
...air conditioning.
...Carmex.

anyone?

2008-04-07T11:07:00.000-07:00

K and I will have been dating for two years next month and I would like to celebrate. Money is somewhat tight and I'll be moving right around our anniversary as well. But I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on something for us to do. So far we've thought of staying someplace for one or two nights or going out to dinner at a restaurant we don't normally go to. Any specific ideas of places or restaurants would be much appreciated, but also any vague ideas anyone has would help too.

So what have you done for anniversaries? It doesn't have to be a super serious solemn event. But we figure two years is worth marking somehow. :)

weight watchers week 3 (again)

2008-04-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

This week was not the phenomenon last week was but I think that's probably to be expected. No stars for me today! I lost .2 pounds. It's still a loss, so that's good. But I'm a little bummed.

But I know where things went wrong. Weekdays are always easier than the weekends because I don't eat much before or after work and it's been fairly easy to bring my own food and only eat that while I'm there. The weekends are where it gets tricky because I have a lot more free time on my hands and I have a boyfriend who is much more interested in fast food than healthy home cooking. It's not his fault, don't get me wrong. But I need to be a little stronger and more intentional with weekend eating. And also with not eating before going to weigh in on Monday morning.

Last week I ate a lot more frozen meals. I don't think that's necessarily bad, but I think it was easier to stay on top of things by not eating so many frozen meals. When I'm thinking more about what I'm eating and taking more time to plan out my day, it goes a little smoother. I think anyway.

We'll see this week!

As of week three: -9.2 pounds.

venting

2008-04-06T12:26:00.000-07:00

Last week was particularly difficult for me at work. I feel like that's all I say when I talk about work and that it's been that way since sometime in December. We've been really busy and I've been feeling crushed on both sides. The hospital is full so beds aren't being assigned and then administrators are coming by and asking us to do things I'm sure they feel are simple but they just are not. Patients and family members are worried and nervous and not in the best of moods or very understanding when it comes to not getting the answers they would like. Doctors are frustrated because they aren't getting satisfying answers as to why their patients have to wait for a bed. And then finally, I absolutely know they don't mean it, but the nurses I work with dump on me as much as everyone else sometimes.

One of the nurses is someone I always enjoy talking to because she has a way of either making me laugh at myself or helping me understand the bigger picture without being condescending. I like talking to her about everything really and she's shown me the most about my job by far too. I told her on Thursday that I had just had it. I was sick of being talked to like I'm an idiot or like I'm someone intentionally trying to piss doctors off. I'm sick of people expecting me to pull things out of my ass for them to do their job when they are the ones who forgot whatever it is they need in the first place. I'm sick of getting dumped on by everyone, whether they mean it or not. She just laughed and said I shouldn't care so much. I know. I do. There are times when it doesn't bother me at all. I can let it slide off my back and barely give it another thought. There wasn't any one thing that was such a ridiculous event during the entire week that it wrecked everything. Rather, it was the culmination of events. It was the mulitple comments and complaints, the irritation I fielded, the general piss poor attitudes of those around me.

I am finding myself slipping into a mode where I expect everyone to realize I am a person with genuine feelings and emotions and unfortuantely I feel that as a secretary that is really dangerous. It's not going to happen. For good or bad, most of the time I am the voice on the other end of the phone and I am the body that sits in the chair that is supposed to know everything about anything happening in the unit and most of the rest of the hospital. It has nothing to do with 27 year old Melissa who dreams of a degree in psychology, being married and having babies, and living in a place where it snows in the winter.

On the flip side of that though, I need to realize that the angry doctor in front of me could be angry because one of his favorite patients died yesterday and he couldn't do anything to stop it. The nurse delegating everything she possibly can to me might be having a hard time concentrating because something happend with her kids that morning and she wants to make sure the patients don't feel the reprecussions of it. I don't really think everyone is being bitchy just because they feel like it so I need to stop acting like everything is personal.

Easier said than done.

But I finally feel like the rest of my life is going pretty well again and maybe that can carry me through rough days at work. I'm losing weight and feeling really good about it, money is going pretty well, I get to pick another apartment to live in and go through all my stuff and par down and that's always good, and no matter what happens during the week I get to spend most of the weekend with the love of my life and not much else makes me happier than that.

weight watchers week 2 (again)

2008-03-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

I went and weighed in this morning and stayed for the meeting. They start weighing people half an hour before the meeting starts and I got there ten minutes before the meeting figuring that was enough time to weigh in and not have to sit forever waiting around. Unfortuantely it meant I missed the beginning part of the meeting because of a combination of everyone else having the same idea and there only being one person doing the weigh ins and that particular person having a VERY difficult time handling the computer. I'm not going to lie, I have a hard time being patient with people having so many issues with computers. I try really hard to not show irritation but this is one of those things that just gets my goat. That and "your" instead of "you're". I usually keep it to myself though, don't worry.

Anyway, I weighed in and she asked if it was okay if they gave me my reward in front of everyone. I said sure because I figured it was something for being back on the second week. Then I snuck a look as I walked into the meeting room and saw that I had lost NINE POUNDS. 9! That's insane. I want to lose 10 pounds in my first four weeks and I'd say that I'm doing quite well on that. It's awesome but kind of embarassing too. I didn't eat any fast food last week and I ate a lot of vegetables and fruit. I stayed away from soda and candy too but I didn't feel like I was deprived at all. It's embarassing that making a few changes resulted in such a phenomenal result right off the bat. But I will be continuing, nonetheless!

Things that worked:
-taking a big ol' bag of food to work every day. I didn't buy any food at work this week which was better for my wallet and obviously also for my waistline.
-drinking plenty of water every day. I had been doing this anyway, but I made sure I was getting enough every day according to the guidelines. I also drank some water rather than going straight for juice or soda when I was thirsty.
-eating fruit every day. This satisfied hunger better than I thought it would and took away cravings for sweet stuff.
-when someone offered me my favorite candy, I took two instead of taking a handful. I still ate some but didn't overdo it.

Things I want to work on this week:
-drinking more milk. I pretty much met the dairy guidelines every day but only barely and not so much on purpose. My nails have started breaking more so I definitely need some more milk in my diet.
-going to the gym on a regular basis again.
-continuing with the bringing food to work.
-getting some more sleep.

I'm down 9 pounds! Yay!

ta-da!

2008-03-23T22:56:00.001-07:00

I'm officially starting Weight Watchers again, thanks to some generous help from my parents. I'll try to do the WW updates again as well. I really seriously need to lose weight so I can not have to worry about my blood pressure. I'm sure that's the culprit behind the nasty headaches I've been getting. I have a doctor who doesn't mind writing me prescriptions to knock the crap out of pain and tension, but I would rather not have to deal with it in the first place.

So here I am, starting the whole process once again. This time it's going to stick though. I know it will because going to the gym has gone well. My friend Kate has lost like sixty pounds and that is excellent motivation (I want to be as hot as her!) and also a good source of encouragement and advice. My boyfriend needs a little help changing some habits to be healthier and I can show him that it's not actually a drag to eat healthy foods more than you eat not so healthy foods. And I have an appointment with my cardiologist in June that I HAVE to have shown some improvement at so I don't have to go and keep sitting in the lobby with a bunch of old people waiting to see the cardiologist.

My first goal is to lose 10 pounds in the first four weeks of resigning up. I think I can do it if I really stay on top of things. I will let you know how it goes!

sometimes finding the truth is easier than facing it

2008-03-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

That's the tag line for the movie In the Valley of Elah. K and I watched it today and I was fairly blown away. I didn't know much about it and wasn't really interested in seeing it, but K's stepmom picked it for everyone to watch today and I have to say, I'm glad she did. It's a war movie, but not in the typical sense. It's an after coming back from fighting in the war movie. It's disturbing because the film highlights how being in Iraq can change people and make them do things they never would have before and think about things in ways that would have been previously unacceptable but doesn't even hint at a way to address it or fix it or anything at all. I'd put this movie in the same category with The Kingdom and Lions for Lambs in that it makes you stop and think and then want to sit and cry because we are in so deep into a problem that spans so many facets that fixing it seems impossible. If I had a flag, I would be tempted to start flying it upside down myself.

boring but so lovely to me anyway

2008-03-16T23:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great! Friday night after finally getting to leave work, Nurse Heather and I got some chips and queso coupled with margaritas. Then I met up with K and we got to catch up about our weeks and stuff. Saturday I never even took a shower. I was a complete bum! Sunday (which is still kind of today since I haven't gone to bed yet) was some more lounging and a meal at IHOP and some shopping at Target with K. He helped me clean up my apartment a little bit. I had a vision of really hardcore cleaning it which we didn't really do, but doing all the laundry and folding it AND putting it away and doing most of the dishes and putting THEM away really made a difference in how I feel about my place and all. I bought a nifty duster thing and cleaned my ceiling fans and cleaned out my fridge. K and I ordered pizza and watched Ninja Warrior and it was all just great. Super non-exciting but I feel refreshed. Actually I'm still a little tired but thankfully the headache I had literally all day on Friday went away and hasn't returned.

So right now I'm going to get another glass of water and go to bed and watch Roseanne until I fall asleep. I'm turning off my phone ringer and sleeping heartily.

...

2008-03-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

It is Wednesday night and I am EXHAUSTED. I have TWO more days to go before the weekend!

i'm all sweaty and it feels great

2008-02-20T23:02:00.000-08:00

I didn't sleep the best last night. Work has been very stressful. I have missed out on a few things I really wanted to attend because of work which sucks because it has been so stressful there. I just started a new class and this one is a lot harder than my last one so I need to set aside more time at home to work on it. I'm stressed.

Tonight I went to the gym and I did 50 minutes on the elliptical trainer on the cross training setting so the intensities went up and down and whatnot. I tried to keep my heart rate around 130 for fat burning and I was right around there the whole time. So I was working hard enough to accomplish things but not so hard that I was going to pass out any second.

I'm home now and all sweaty and I'm definitely tired but I'm happy. And accomplished. This is week three of working out regularly and it's going great! I want to be more deliberate about my routines (um, maybe HAVING a routine is a good place to start) in March, but I think just going and pushing myself has made it a good start on this whole path.

wednesday wonders: the why can't I just fall asleep already version

2008-02-20T04:15:00.000-08:00

Happy happy things...

...a really great Valentine's Day with K. The holiday itself is not a big deal to me but getting to celebrate being in love with K with him was pretty fantastic.
...sweettart conversation hearts
...as i am by alicia keys. Need something new to listen to at the gym? Go to this gal. Even the mellower stuff kicks ass with its beats and simply incredible arrangements and lyrics. LOVE HER.
...vitamin water. Revive is still my favorite but i tried this other one recently that was pretty great but i can't remember the name of it.
...clocking out at the end of the day without having torn any hair out despite several visions of doing so through the day.
...making plans on the weekend.
...doing a really wuss weight workout but feeling it (without being sore) the next day.
...loving the gym as much as I do these days
...working out after a tediously stressful day
...skipping working out to come home to a vase full of flowers and some dinner courtesy of my boyfriend.
...the sound of my iBook keyboard. truth be told i need a new laptop that has more memory and an unjacked hinged, but this little blossom has done me well
...talking politics without sounding like an idiot
...talking about the future with K without feeling dumb
...vodka and club soda with a few lime wedges
...a very colorful calendar of events hanging by my front door
...K's enthusiasm about the knight rider movie that was on sunday night. I didn't watch that show growing up but believe me, I am thoroughly filled in on what it was like
...starting a psychology class online. oh hello again my true academic love
...being in school and knowing that though it might not seem like i've risen to my full potential to the random outsider, at least i'm in the works of getting to a college degree
...emails
...surprise packages in the mail.
...planning to mail surprise packages to other people (even if I'm retarded and may or may not actually get it done anytime in the near future)
...taking lunch breaks that consist of sitting in my truck and writing in my journal
...blt sandwiches with no mayo at jim's
...looking for a new apartment and finding a great many to choose from that are slightly bigger AND cheaper AND closer to work
...the confidence that comes with deciding to work out three times a week and sticking to it for three weeks in a row
...not having gained any weight this month even if it doesn't look like i'm going to make my ten pound loss goal
...eye cream. whether or not i need it and whether or not it has made a disernible difference, it feels lovely and smells great when i put it on as i'm getting ready for my day
...beating people at foosball after it having been YEARS since the last time i played
...making a list while using questionable capitalization skills

friday five

2008-02-08T00:44:00.001-08:00

Five reasons why I like going to the gym.

1. I get to wear my workout pants. I have two pairs that are that mesh-like material that are super comfortable. One is black and one is red.
2. My dad fixed my iPod and I can listen to long lost favorites again.
3. There's cardio machines with tv screens in them and most nights I can make it just in time to watch Friends. I heart Friends.
4. I like feeling all my muscles working and getting all sweaty. It's gross and awesome all at the same time.
5. I have already noticed a difference in my body. It'll be awhile before anyone else will be able to see anything but I feel good. So yay!

a little bit of rambling because it's been awhile

2008-02-08T00:17:00.001-08:00

I got a raise and I got told all the ways I do not meet expectations in my job on the same day. It was a good conversation but it was difficult because I thought I was doing pretty well. Also, it's been ridiculously awful at work for the past two weeks and I haven't ever gotten so much satisfaction and relief out of clocking out every day in my life. It has been stressful and hard for everyone, not just me.

But going to the gym after work is truly fantastic. I get to sweat out some of the roughness of the day. And then because K's house is kind of on the way home, I've been stopping by and hanging out with him a little bit. It makes some late nights, but they are so nice that it makes it worth it. I'm still actually getting enough sleep most of the time as well.

I'm going to bed pretty soon and when I wake up I'll be getting ready to go to work on Friday. That means no matter how difficult the day is, I get to have two whole days off in a row. Praise Jesus for days off.

instead of a wednesday wonder list, it's a thankful thursday list

2008-02-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

A list of things that have made me happy recently:

...picking out something for K for Valentine's Day. I love all the stuff, it's so over the top and cheesy that it's fantastic! I'd rather make a big deal out of our anniversary than Valentine's Day, but all the hearts and pinks are so much fun that it's hard to resist.
...going to the gym after work and sweating out frustration about being yelled at when as a secretary there is so very little under my control or influence.
...feeling better about my appearance in general.
...having breakfast with Kate and Heather last weekend because it was delightful and I enjoy the two of them very much.
...buying stuff to take better care of my face. Hopefully I can buy some more makeup soon because I kind of miss it.
...magazines.
...the other night with K when we got some drinks and then came back to my place. I didn't get nearly enough sleep but it was worth it to have had such a fantastic time with him for no reason at all other than it was Tuesday.
...hanging out with my family on Sunday.
...the weather being colder again. I love snuggling down into my bed with all the covers.
...my new "gym bag" that cost a dollar.
...getting a whole new phone at work. It's the little things, it really is.
...getting sucked back into Lost.
...clocking out. There's a lot of satisfaction in the swiping of my ID badge at the end of the day these days, let me tell you.
...politics.

i've been awake a very long time today

2008-01-29T00:52:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to say that today I had a doctor's appointment and my blood pressure was so fantastic that now I only have to take one kind of blood pressure medicine! And it's the really cheap one! Also, I've lost two more pounds so that brings it to 13 since November. I gained a few over the holidays but dropped it again, so I'm really aiming for losing ten pounds this month. I can totally do it.

I got to meet K for lunch at Subway, yay for us both eating a healthy meal and yay for it being together!

Work was alright. But I brought my workout clothes inside with me and changed before I left and drove to the gym. I spent 35 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then left. I want to do weights, but there were more people by the weights and I don't really know what I'm doing yet so baby steps.

K was still up so I grabbed us some food (salad for me, yay!) and drove to his house and we chatted and watched some Travel channel and now I'm home.

And you know what is at home? A clean kitchen! And a clean bathroom! I will take care of the mountain of clean clothes in the laundry nook tomorrow. :)

movie review monday: cloverfield

2008-01-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

I kind of want to summarize this one myself instead of looking for a summary to cut and paste into here. First of all you should just know that you will either love this movie or hate it. There is no inbetween and that's exactly what it felt like in the theater as I watched it.

Cloverfield is portrayed as a video tape that is part of a secret government file that was found in what was formerly known as Central Park. The tape was in a video camera that belonged to a 20 somethingish guy who was leaving for a new job opportunity in Japan the next day and his friends decided to throw him a surprise going away party and tape the whole thing for him as a going away present. During the party there is what they think is an earthquake but when everyone runs up to the roof of the building, they see a lot of strange things happening. As the movie unfolds, you discover some sort of giant monster is attacking Manhattan. Everyone is trying to get out of the city and to someplace safe. Because it is such an insane night, they decide to keep videotaping to be able to try to make sense of it all later.

So first of all, the picture is jumpy and shaky and unpredictable because it's filmed from a hand held video camera and the person doing the filming doesn't even own that particular camera. There's a lot of running and screaming and whatnot which sometimes in the best of movie circumstances is annoying and at time in this flim almost intolerable. I have to say that this kind of stuff usually really gets to me and I didn't have any problems during Cloverfield.

Second of all, this movie is a glimpse into the lives of a few people during a crazy event. There is a small amount of set up for some of the characters that explains a little of who they are, but it's not like a typical story that spends a lot of time at the beginning laying out why you should care about each character. The whole movie is just a section of events. There's no explanation for the monster or even what it really is even though you do get to see it a few times. The ending is unsatisfying as far as plot lines go. There are some parts that are a little unbelievable even in the middle of the whole supposition of events anyway, but I'm willing to forgive them because with adrenaline I guess they are techincally possible.

In any case though, I loved it. It was scary because it was tense. I kind of knew what was going to happen at the end from the beginning and I don't even think it's a plot spoiler to say that at all. To me it was pretty common sense. At first I was disappointed that we got to see the monster because I thought it might have been scarier if you didn't really know what was going on, but then I realized just because I saw the monster didn't mean I had any clearer understanding of what was happening than the characters did. There were a lot of twists and turns as they worked on getting out of Manhattan and I was on the edge of my seat pretty much for the whole movie. There was a little gore, but it wasn't overpowering and it was definitely appropriate to the plot. I can appreciate that kind of gore.

With all the buzz leading up to it, with the mixed reviews from critics and moviegoers, and the amount of money this movie has made, it will be interesting to see if we get a chance to see that monster again. It's hard to say. I'm a big fan of just leaving well enough alone, but then again, there's a lot of angles they could choose to explore that could be kind of cool. I'm hestitant to get too excited about the possibility of a sequel or what have you because I was super stoked about there being more Matrix movies and we all know how well that turned out.

I'd love for more people I know to go see it and tell me what they think. K and I loved it, but we were definitely part of a small group in the packed theater that felt that way. Thank you J.J. Abrams for not catering to the lowest common denominator. Again.

just thinking about january almost being over

2008-01-27T19:36:00.000-08:00

I didn't make a specific list of new year's resolutions at the beginning of the year because I made a list of goals for the year on my birthday that I basically haven't even touched. I decided to be a little more general and just say I need to take better care of myself.

As I've gone through this month (or as it's basically flown by at a rather scary and rapid rate) I've decided to work on some specific stuff in February.

-I need to spend less money on food at work and also eat more healthy items. This can be accomplished fairly easily. I think what I need to do is go to the grocery store every couple of days. A few times lately I have gotten all inspired and bought ingredients for recipes and then never acutally made the dishes and thrown everything away and just eaten at McDonald's while at work. I still have some frozen dinners right now so tonight I went to the store and got some snack kind of things to have at work. I'm off to a good start!
-I need to work on better stress management. I think something that might work is to go to the gym after work. Doing 30-45 minutes of cardio and then lifting some light weights at least three times a week is going to be my initial goal. Then I'll shower when I get home and this might help me to not get sick so often. The working out AND the showering at night and washing off all the work germs might be double duty for that aspect.
-I need to keep my apartment cleaner and homier. I don't really know what happened here. But as I've been thinking about what I want to look for in a new (cheaper) apartment, I've realized the biggest thing I want is a place that I feel comfortable inviting people over at whim. The only thing keeping me from doing that now is the fact that I am just lazy about cleaning these days. There's no reason to leave dishes in the sink for a few days or wash clothes and leave all the clean clothes in laundry baskets for a week. I'm busy, but not THAT busy. And if I find that my apartment is clean and comfortable and homey and I still don't have anyone over but K, well, that can be another goal. :)

So that's where I'm at. How are you doing on your goals and whatnot?

this is disgusting but i feel compelled to share

2008-01-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

Well on Friday I was digustingly sick. It was pretty much a 24 hour bug with some small remnants hanging on that I expect to be done with by the end of today.

I was supposed to work another double which is exciting because I need some cash and that is a kickass way to get it. I work in my own unit where I know everyone and the dynamic and it's only four hours earlier than I used to go in every Friday after class. Last week I took a lunch break during the first half of the shift and again in the second half of the shift and the only difficult part was the last hour and a half because everything was so calm. So when I woke up on Friday and my stomach felt all weird I chalked it up to not really getting enough sleep but figuring it'd be fine after a little bit and maybe some breakfast and went to work.

The first thing that I noticed was I was sweating. Who sweats inside after being outside where it was 38 degrees and nothing is going on and it's 6:30 in the morning? I got some iced water and eventually snagged the little fan and aimed it right at my head. And then I made my first trip to the bathroom. After I came back, the charge nurse asked me to go find some more history forms for the patients because we were running low. She had no idea where it was I could find them so I kind of took advantage of that and wandered around a bit honestly trying to find some in various departments but also using several different bathrooms in several different areas of the hospital. I couldn't find any of those forms anywhere anyway (it might just be because we're the only department that uses them, but I don't know) and went back to my computer. Then made another trip to the bathroom.

I was splashing some water on my face and drying it off and realized I looked AWFUL. Pale with sunken eyes because of the ridiculous black circles under my eyes. I was shakey and clammy and STILL SWEATING. So I took a deep breath and walked back to my unit and said "I really need to go home. Right now. I'm sorry." If it had been any other charge nurse, that probably would have been enough. But since I needed to explain myself I succinctly and unapologetically said "I'm shooting out of both ends. I'm shaky, I haven't stopped sweating since I got here, and I'm not going to make it. I may be able to go home and sleep and come back for my normal shift." And then I went home and proceeded to get worse. Hard to imagine, right?

There are some fantastic advantages to working in a hospital. I get free medical advice from the nurses all the time. Free blood pressure checks, great medicine resources I can use at work, and I think one of my last doctor appointments was free because he knows where I work and appreciates my unit so much. There are some disadvantages too though. When I get sick, I get SICK. And then when I'm at home and miserable, I smell like the patients that come in and it makes me feel even worse. It's not that I think I'm better than the patients that come in to the hospital, it's that I don't want to be sick like the patients that come to the hospital. Working there makes me a little paranoid too when I'm sick, wondering at what point it's the flu and what point it's internal bleeding or some other chronic issue.

But after awhile, K brought me some 7up, Vitamin Water, and Kaeopectate. I felt better, at least enough for everything to calm down and let me actually get a little sleep. And when I woke up on Saturday, I felt a gazillion times better. I took it easy yesterday and just ate some soup and crackers with some more 7up. I love Vitamin Water but I have to say my secret weapon when I'm sick with stomach issues is 7up over ice with a bendy straw, saltines, and eventually chicken and stars soup.

I collect stars because I love them. I love astronomy (the looking at stuff part, not the math and physics part) and stars just make me happy. Once I was sick at my parent's house and my mom got me chicken and stars soup because she thought it might make me feel better. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes when she said that but then later on I made it and sat down with a bowl of chicken and stars soup. I stuck my spoon in the bowl and all these stars were floating around and I smiled and realized my mom was right. It DID make me feel better.

I'm mostly taking it easy today as well. I'm thinking I'll go to church later on because although two Sundays in a row is an accomplishment, three almost makes it a streak.

wednesday wonders: the friday edition

2008-01-25T06:51:00.000-08:00

This week has flown by (although strangely each shift I've worked has taken AGES to pass) and I just realized I didn't post anything. So here's a list of happy things!

...being amused by the realization that lately I seem to only be able to make friends who's names start with K or are Heather. My boyfriend is Kiris, my best friends are Kristi and Kate, I talk to Kara a lot, I started hanging out with a girl named Kristen, there's a Heather at work who's rad and then Kate's friend Heather who is awesome too! There's still fantastic people like Tina, Julie, and DeAnna of course but lately on the phone and in person, it's been K or Heather people.
...a good heartfelt conversation where K cried and I cried too. We have to figure some things out, but the love we have for each other is unlike anything else I've experienced. It's worth struggling through a few things here and there.
...having gone to church two Sundays in a row, thank you very much.
...Kara buying me dinner last night.
...renting the first two discs of season 1 of Brothers and Sisters. I really like it! My mom asked me not to watch it when it first was showing because she loved it and I'm a show killer. The guy at Blockbuster thought that was hilarious.
...getting a very nice paycheck, especially after the last one was so awful. Yay overtime!
...having a full calendar.
...school going well for me so far this term.
...good conversations about politics with my parents.
...my dad took me out to lunch last Friday which was really sweet of him and I had a great time chatting with him.
...Cloverfield. You either love it or hate it and I loved it.
...emails from my friend Splenda where she is honest and to the point but still not a bitch. It's an art form and I appreciate her thoughts so much.
...nachos. The gross processed cheese and chips kind. Yum.
...hot showers at night that mean curly hair in the morning.
...blogs.
...relevantmagazine.com -- I check out the slices at least once a day.
...finding so many apartments that are bigger AND cheaper AND closer to work on a precursory search.
...having friends I can ask TMI questions of.
...paying bills and feeling good about credit card balances
...magazines. Even though most of the content is online these days, I still love 'em. Thanks to Tina again for the surprise subscription to Glamour. :)
...sleep. Mmm, sleep.