This blog in its entirety is moving to http://meljamc.blogspot.com. Update links and bookmarks accordingly!

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We're getting married tomorrow! It's going to be a fantastic day that flies by in the blink of an eye. K and I are ready to just focus on each other and celebrate our love by promising we'll be together forever. We are so happy our families will be there as witnesses and also that we can all have an excellent meal together. It's just going to be great!

I'm starting a new blog in the next few days. I'll be emailing it out along with my new email address. If you have stumbled across this one and would like to keep up with us, just leave your email in the comments and I'll be sure to let you know the new URL.

WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!

wedding question

So here is maybe a dumb question... Does everyone have some sort of family drama unfold as they are about to get married?

feels like I'm born again...

Usually when KLOVE plays the crap out of a song, I roll my eyes nearly every time it comes on. However, the new one by Third Day is one I cannot get enough of. The harmonies that come in after the first verse are AMAZING and the whole song is just well written. It's constantly stuck in my head and not in a bad way at all. I do have to say that KLOVE needs more Need To Breathe though because I heard another of their songs on Air 1 (LOVE having the apps on my iPhone!) and it was truly fantastic as well. Man, I wish more Christian music just hit the spot like those two songs!

It was raining this evening. It was like a good California rain. Texas rain usually means the sky opens up and pours everything down and empties itself out in 20 minutes or less. Tonight, it rained steadily but not crazy hard, for several hours. I miss that. I love listening to the rain. I like it when the air cools down and you can crack open a window or even sit outside and just soak it all in. The smells, the sounds, the feeling... I have come to enjoy the thunder and lightening, but sometimes I still long for those days where it would just rain all day long.

Strangely when I find myself in a new situation, I also find myself missing Riverside. I think it's that I chose to live there and I got to know sections of it pretty well and when I'm faced with something especially challenging, I just want to be back where I knew everything. It's not accurate at all. If I had loved it so much, I wouldn't have picked up and moved as suddenly as I did. And I would be back there now instead of having lived here in San Antonio for closer to four years now than three. Occasionally I'll be frustrated and I'll think to myself that if I were in Riverside, I would go get some hot and sour soup from this place or I'd go claim a couch at that coffee shop and journal the night away or I could be in Newport Beach in an hour or less. I'll think about the smell of orange blossoms in the spring or the lack of humidity. But when it comes down to it, I'm glad I live in San Antonio.

I had a very rough day yesterday. I think I basically handled everything okay but it's left me a little rattled and for that reason I don't want to go into a lot of details. I am officially that lady who says "What's your name, I'm going to write a strongly worded letter!" but you know what, if it works it works! At the end of the day, the thing I wanted the most and just needed was to be with my family. Because I live in San Antonio, all it took was a quick phone call and a twenty minute drive. I got to be spoiled with a good dinner and laugh with my niece and nephew and have my mom and dad remind me that they love me very much. I'm 29, but there are times when I just want my mom...

Tonight, I went to K's mom's house for dinner. She showed me how to make one of my favorite dishes that K and his family had introduced to me. His two sisters and niece were all there and we had an amazing dinner and then talked for HOURS in the living room. We laughed so hard there were tears. And I told them about my day and suddenly realized that along with my lovely mother-in-law, I now have two big sisters and a fairly fearless niece. I don't have to do anything alone if I don't want to. I have this huge group of strong people who love me that I can call on for help and I know that someone will always come through.

Between my two evenings spent with family, I feel like I can relax. I don't have to be superwoman, I can draw on the strength of all these great people around me who love me and would kick anyone's ass that needed to be taught a lesson without hesitation.

I think I've finally learned to let K take care of me and be able to tell him what I need. He's amazing and I can't imagine putting together anyone else more perfect to go through the rest of my life with. I just hadn't stopped to acknowledge that he's not the only one. I forget sometimes that my parents would fight tirelessly given any cause involving me. My two soon to be sisters and niece were talking about different scenarios regarding protecting me or standing up for me and I really almost started crying because it was such a fantastic relief! I hadn't really thought about it, but of course I would absolutely do the same for any of them.

As much as I would like to live in a spot that didn't give me crazy allergies and maybe had four seasons or at the very least milder summers, I think I'll be staying in San Antonio for quite some time. I would be crazy to give up this proximity to my family. My sister will always be available for late night texting, but I wouldn't be able to get a hug on a regular basis if I was in a different time zone.

I am a girl who is full of joy and love because of my two amazing families. Who could ask for more?

privacy

I know this is going to sound weird since I do have my own blog, but I would say I'm basically a private person. I will pretty much answer any question you have, but I don't necessarily volunteer all of my information to everyone. I've always been this way. It's been the root of countless fights with my mom. Her process is to talk to my grandmother and my aunt (her sister) about most everything and it drove me crazy as a pre-teen and beyond. I wasn't one of those girls dying for her period so when that day came and my grandmother ambushed me with a proud hug, I was mortified.

I have a blog because I have had such a random life that has taken me to so many places that it's easier to post updates about what I really want to share with whoever wants to read it and let them peruse my thoughts as they have time. Once upon a time I used to send out an email update. I suppose all of this is kind of egocentric, but somehow satisfying and seemingly wanted by at least a small group of people.

The other thing I know about myself is I don't really like it when people decide things for me. Sometimes it's okay, but I like to take part in the decision making. If K were to plan an evening out or a weekend trip, that would be fine. But if he were to tell me how I should get ready in the morning or decide how we were doing all of the holidays with our families without really talking to me about it, I wouldn't be very happy. I don't think it's that I need to be in control of everything all the time, but I like to take part in decision making. I am a strong woman and need my voice to be heard. If I'm deciding with a group of friends where we are going to eat and we don't go to my first choice, that's fine as long as I got to take part in the discussion. I hope this makes sense. And also that it's accurate. Heh.

I've been thinking about these things lately because I've noticed I've definitely entered a new phase in my life. When K and I decided to get married, I apparently opened a door to my life that somehow invites everyone and anyone to give me instructions on what to do, how to do it, and when it needs to be done. Some of it is actually helpful. I am learning how to accept nuggets and then decide whether they are nuggets of wisdom or just nuggets of words. It's hard sometimes. Just about everything is done with wedding plans and we are pretty much just crossing days off the calendar at this point. But this hasn't stopped anyone from interjecting their two cents.

This is very difficult for me when it's in situations like work. Friends and family who offer unsolicited advice often have my personality and wishes in mind and are genuinely trying to help. People from work barely know me and therefore have no clue what really would be fantastic to me or to me and my hubby to be. Expressions of mild disdain for such a quick and small wedding and not having a sparkly engagement ring just annoy me because they have no idea who I am at my core or how perfect September 18th will be for me and K.

I kind of figure this is only the beginning. K and I are entering into a phase where random people will helpfully decide when we should have kids and how we should raise them. I am so glad I'm moving into this along side K and that I'm 29. I can handle situations that are not pleasant to me with a lot more grace now than I could a few years ago. I'll always be learning and battling my instinct that I know what I'm doing and couldn't possibly glean anything from a person I barely know. Hopefully it will get easier.

I'll continue blogging... And don't shy away from telling me what you think, but understand if I try a different way sometimes that's just my own stubbornness shining through. I'm not to proud to admit that my way is not always the best way and I'll go through the catalog of my mind and pull out that piece of wisdom you shared. I just might not say anything about it right away. :)

the munchkins and the baby

Today was a really lovely day with my family. K had to work so that was a bummer but he'll be around everyone again soon I'm sure. He really likes my family which is awesome because it definitely makes things pretty easy. I like his family very much as well. That's how I always pictured falling in love with someone... Building a relationship with them plus getting a bonus family to participate in and enjoy. I'm a very lucky girl to have stumbled upon it all.

Usually I refer to my sister's kids as "the babies" but since there is a brand new one, I felt like I needed a new nickname. I asked them if it was alright, so the kid approved terminology is that the two oldest are now "the munchkins" and the baby is "the baby." The munchkins and I had a terrific day of playing all sorts of games. I got to hold the baby for a little bit, but I didn't want to hog her, especially on Father's Day. She needed some Papa time.

We played outside on this tire swing my parents have and invented a new game that is probably terrifying to both my parents and my sister and brother-in-law. But there's a strict rule. If at any time they feel nervous or just need to stop, they just say "Auntie Auntie" and I step right in. We practice each time before it starts really going. See this swing was much higher above the ground until my parents saw my oldest niece "doing tricks" and realized if she were to fall she would most assuredly break something. It's a lot lower now but that means I can't push her as high up in the air as she would like to go. So instead, I twirl her around and around until the rope gets wound up pretty tightly and then give her a mighty push in the opposite direction and let the rope take over. My niece LOVES this. We must have done it 4 times in a row and then she hopped off and ran right up the porch stairs back inside to get water. Later my nephew wanted to try, and after one time around, I helped him get back on the ground where he promptly fell over from being so dizzy. I think that's more typical reaction to something like that.

Later, we played hide and seek. During spring break when I took care of them, we played and I stayed hidden until I heard one of them suggest I had gone outside and then I'd either sneak up behind them or burst out of my hiding spot to make sure everyone was in the same place at the same time. My niece hid first today. She ran into a room and slammed the door behind her. Then when I was still giving her some time (who knows, maybe she'd get under the bed or something...), it was apparently too much time because she kept opening the door to check to see if I was coming. When it was my turn to hide, I ran down the hallway and hid behind a door that was already slightly open. I heard the two kids running down the hallway looking for me, and they even came into the room where I was but didn't see me. They ran back down the hallway, and then when they came back again, I heard one of them say "Her is MAGIC." When they ran back into the living room, my dad told them which direction I had gone. By then I had snuck out to the edge of the hallway and just waited for their heads to poke around the corner and said "Boo!" as soon as they did. Much screaming happened and then even more laughter.

My niece has hands down the best laugh. She's very girly and tries to be as refined as a five year old girl can be sometimes. She prefers wearing her hair down and loves to show me her shoes and other things about her outfit. Her laugh is raucous and it makes me laugh every single time. It's this huge explosion from such a little girl and definitely not dainty or polished like she wants to be. I hope it never changes. It makes me laugh just thinking about hearing it.

I love playing with my nephew because he has a bit of hesitant nature when it comes to trying all the dare devil things my niece comes up with. We are definitely kindred spirits in that regard. I like to make sure he knows that he can have as much time as he wants to decide if he wants to try jumping off the steps or twirling around like a mad man in the swing. Plus that kid can relate any activity to something the Transformers would do and how can you not love that?

The baby is a teeny tiny baby that is completely adorable and I am thrilled to get to build this kind of relationship with at some point probably after she's able to hold her head up on her own. Or maybe even just keeps her eyes more open than closed. She wasn't even due to be born until next Sunday but she's just fantastic and even came with fingernails. Babies are completely amazing. I could hold her all day long and not get tired of it. Of course I'm not nursing her or being woken up at odd hours of the night. I'll still stick with my thinking that she is completely beautiful and I can't wait to play hide and seek with her too.

All in all, it was a truly great day. Now for some laundry folding and bed time!

mmm, popcorn

This week was pretty nice. K and I had four days off together and although we meant to do something fun and out of the ordinary like go to Fredricksburg for the day or just hang out downtown, we didn't. The closest we got was going to eat Japanese food at our favorite place.

Today I had to work an 8 hour shift and it seriously flew by. I don't know if that was because I felt like I had a vacation or because I'm used to the 13 hour shifts, or what. Oh and a coworker that caused a lot of problems was let go today and it was refreshing to know that my managers actually knew what was going on and were really doing something about. I don't have any personal problems with this particular coworker at all, it just basically came down to wishing there was someone that had more of a teamwork kind of ethic. I have no idea what this will mean for my work schedule, but I do know that even though things are never perfect at work, the 13 hour days will seem a lot shorter.

I think I was going to try to be more interesting, but my popcorn is done and I am really excited about getting in bed and watching my tape of Friends.

makeup

My makeup was too good tonight to just be sitting at home, but alas, that's where I'm at.

It's not actually that big of a deal. K and I went out to dinner and I tried a new eyeshadow combination that I really liked. I tried to do a few different things but nothing really panned out. So I'm playing on Facebook and going to go check on my little patio garden in a little bit.

As I've gotten more into my Mary Kay stuff, the more I've enjoyed playing with makeup. I haven't ever really been into it because no one had ever really shown me how to do anything. I read everything I can get my hands on with Mary Kay and it has really helped me feel a lot more confident about color combinations and how to apply it in a flattering way. I am really excited about doing color consultations for people!

I know it sounds like a big ol' ad for myself, but really, I'm just trying to blog more and this is what happens to be on my mind at the moment.

K and I are so boring these days that although our favorite waitress at our favorite Japanese place wanted to stand and talk with us, we really had nothing to tell her about. Everything is pretty mundane around here... That's definitely not a bad thing, only when you're trying to catch up with someone and you both realize there are no big stories to share.

Eh, what're you gonna do? :)

i love me some pepsi

This week is so weird.

I worked on Sunday and don't go in again until Friday. I kind of don't know what to do with myself! I have been working on Mary Kay things which is cool and fun, but I'm at the point where I need NEW customers to help build my business. I have some ideas that I'll be working on in the next couple of days...

K is also off until Friday. Today he wasn't feeling well for part of the day. He kills me though because I always know when he's feeling better because he starts to get whiny. I poured his soda and got bland foods for him to eat and since he's out with some friends right now, I think he's made a full recovery. I'm glad when he gets sick it doesn't last for long and it's also pretty rare. No more chili dogs at 1:30 am!

I think we're going to try to go on a day trip someplace or even just hang out downtown for an afternoon. The biggest wrench in the plan at the moment is that it is so ridiculously hot! It's hot and sticky and gross outside. I think it's going to be a long summer... Hopefully both of my jobs will just keep me hopping and I won't have too much time to swelter.

At least I have cute sunglasses!

ugh

It is so hot.

San Antonio is not a bad place to live, but the summers are very icky. Hot AND humid means being outside is miserable. Getting into a car that's been sitting in the parking lot for a little bit is suffocating.

But it's still not a bad place to live. I always miss California the most in the summertime though.

family family family

My sister has three kids now. That's kind of pleasantly insane to me. Auntie and Baby Z Days just got a lot more intense, but also cuter which I didn't really think was possible.

My latest niece was born on Tuesday night and she is adorable! She is about three weeks early and she is super tiny. But she came with fingernails and eyelashes and everything! I've heard from a few family members that she reminds them of me when I was first born. I had my mom take a picture of us face by face for comparison.

I adore my nieces and nephew and have tremendous fun doing things like baking cupcakes and knowing that after I hop them up on sugar they're just going home. I'm thrilled to think of things to do with three kids now. Well, in a few years anyway. In the meantime, I owe my nephew a trip to the movies and I think my oldest niece would like to go swimming or at the very least a long trip to some sort of playground.

The part where people seem kind of troubled by the fact the big things in my life right now are working in food service, building my Mary Kay business, and waiting for college acceptance for the fall and that's it is a little hard. The part where people feel the need to comfort me that I'm not the one having kids is a little hard. I'm okay with that.I am dating someone I love deeply and we are just not in a big rush for all the next steps ahead of us. We will get there and it will be beautiful and amazing. Maybe at some point I'll be in the hospital in labor and someone will message my sister and have no regard for what she's doing or where she's at and only ask questions about me. You never know. In the meantime, asking when it is I'm going to have kids or finally get married or whether or not it's weird that my younger sister has kids and I don't isn't really helpful.

I'm 28 and not where I thought I'd be when I was 28. But it's been a good journey to get to this point and for the most part I'm pretty happy. The other thing is that I have made all the decisions I've made up to this point only with the exact information I had at the time. Maybe if I knew then what I know now some choices would have been different, but I cannot apologize for that now nor can I go back and change anything. It doesn't make any sense for me to be hard on myself, only to keep my eyes open and use all the things I've learned to benefit me as I make decisions now.

So, since I have a few days off this week and my sister is alright with it, I'm going to go hang out with all three of the kids who made me an Auntie. I plan on marveling over the teeniest baby's delicate features and squeaks and grunts, watching Transformers and building cars and trucks out of legos and ridiculous numbers of wheels with my nephew, and dancing with my oldest niece and talking about princesses and whether or not she's old enough to buy her own pink sparkle lip gloss.

And taking pictures. Lots of pictures. :)

music

K decided sometime around January that we were going to see Coldplay when they came to town. He told me he wasn't telling me how much it was because I would try to talk him out of it and we deserved to do something fun and out of the ordinary (at least for us). He took care of getting the tickets and I marked the date on my calendar. When I recently got hired, one of the first things I did was make sure it was alright for me to have that day off so I could spend the whole day getting ready for and then enjoying Coldplay.

The first song I ever heard by them was "Yellow." It is such a lovely song and I was impressed by this band I'd never heard of before. I have every album, including that first one and have consistently listened to all of them. I loved when Starbucks decided to make them a featured artist and we could listen to at least the album XY while working.

Now, let me talk about seeing live music. Nothing else makes my heart come alive quite like seeing a live show. For some reason, I've forgotten this over the past couple of years and haven't been to many shows. But for awhile, I was going to every show I could figure out how to get myself to. I've seen big shows and little ones, bands I knew very well, and bands I never heard of but instantly became a devoted fan of. I've driven pretty good distances and I've gone down the street. I used to have a handful of friends that not only would happily accompany me, but would seek out artists and shows themselves.

My favorite band to see live for a long time has been Dave Matthews Band. They are phenomenal anyway, but live, there's an extra flair. They are thoroughly about the music and that is my number one qualifier for loving a band. I like how they play songs from their entire catalog and they put together songs that you would never think could segue into each other but do seamlessly somehow. They don't do big sets, they aren't showy, they aren't pretentious.

My second favorite show that I've ever been to was Jars of Clay at Spirit West Coast Del Mar the first year that festival showed up in Southern California. They sang their hearts out and debuted an album that had solid bluegrass roots and it was seriously amazing. My dad and I shivered as the sea breeze rolled in, but the music kept us warm enough to be enthralled and disappointed when the set was over.

And thirdly, The Benjamin Gate. This random Christian band that came out of South Africa with one of the most amazing sounds I've heard from ANY band. It is so refreshing to me to hear a Christian band that is also musically innovative because it is kind of rare. Jars of Clay fits in that category and that's one of the reasons why I love them. Anyway, the lead singer had bright orange hair, one of the guitar players had these insane sunglasses that wrapped over the top of his head, and the bass player was all over the stage which is highly unusual for a bass player. The music was fantastic and the band seemed so pleasantly surprised to have a crowd watching and to be enjoying seeing California for the first time. I refused to like Jeremy Camp for a long time because when he and the lead singer of The Benjamin Gate, Adrienne, got married, the band split up. Luckily for him, and me, she recorded a solo album a little bit ago. :)

I've seen concerts where the pyrotechnics and lights and set design seemed way more important than anything else. Or lead singers who really felt the audience should be worshipping them as they sang. Both of these things really annoy me. I'm a music snob. I want people who create music to be doing it for the love of the music, not the love of fame. Everyone should be so lucky to be able to earn money doing something they truly love. The best concerts are given by bands who love what they do, are good at it, and appreciate the audience being there. Anything else is gravy.

Let me tell you, Coldplay brought the gravy.

I really had no idea that a band could combine amazing light effects, fun sets, crazy stunts, AND amazing soul quenching music. They played songs from every album and really rocked out the stadium. This was the first time they'd been to San Antonio, and I do believe they'll be back.

"Yellow" was played as a fast song as giant yellow balloons filled with confetti were tossed through the audience. There were these things that looked kind of like giant lightbulbs that lowered at points and had art, words, or just live footage of the band on them. So cool! During the song "42", there was a live feed of the band that looked kind of like a music video or one of those behind the scenes kind of deals, but it was live feed. I never saw where the cameras where! That's impressive to me, because so often the cameras are obtrusive. Chris Martin played guitar and piano at different points and danced all over the stage.

There was a point where the band suddenly walked off the stage into the crowd. They were walking with a purpose and a specific location in mind but I was still surprised when they walked to a part of the ATT Center that already had instruments for them. There was just enough room for all four members to stand and sing/play guitar. The drummer sang a song, they did the band introductions, and led us in the first known cell phone wave at the AT&T Center.

Song after song... It was truly fantastic. Then at the end, they told us about the other two bands that had played and mentioned that on the way out, they had a little thank you note for us. We each got a cd! It was a recording of part of a show they did on this tour so it's kind of like a little piece of the show right in my truck right now.

And speaking of the other bands, let me tell you that Snow Patrol totally kicks ass. I've liked them for awhile, but I really enjoyed them live as well. And the first band was Howling Bells and they hail from Australia. Please do yourself a favor and check them out! You won't be disappointed. Especially if you like the aforementioned The Benjamin Gate. :)

Basically I feel lucky to have a boyfriend who brought live music back into my life in such a fantastic and over the top way. We had awesome seats and such a fabulous evening. I hope we can make live music a much bigger part of our date nights and whatnot. I have some ideas on how to do that... I'll try to keep you posted!

it's been awhile

I've been busy being very stressed by my job and the task of trying to find a new one discreetly while also going to school. That's the crux of it. Also, there's been a lot of things going on that I've been quite content to talk to K about rather than sort them out through writing. I think that's pretty cool and I'm glad we have such a relationship where I let all my crazy hang right out in the open, but it does kind of turn into a bummer for those who are staying on top of my life by reading my blog.

I have quit the one job and have a job offer someplace else which I am very excited about. Today I baby-sat for a dear friend and I have to say that I love little babies. I wasn't always this woman who enjoyed the little tiny ones. I got bogged down in not really knowing what to do with them. My sister having babies was what mostly broke me of that. And I learned some important things like when they are that little, they pretty much have to scream their heads off for a portion of the day in order to increase lung capacity and just holding a baby and talking to them about whatever pops into your head is simply fantastic. I love that sweet baby smell and little hands wrapping themselves around my fingers. And yes, I do want babies of my own. I have for awhile but there is no sense in rushing things. I figure, quite frankly, that I will just spend most of my 30s pregnant and that plan seems pretty great to me. I hope K and I have babies with full heads of crazy curls. And maybe just one of them can have some of the lighter hair because I know my mom would really love just one grandbaby with blonde hair and blue eyes. :)

K and I are in a very good spot. So good in fact that it seems to make people around us desperate for a wedding date. I just say that we'll set that as soon as he asks me to marry him and in the meantime we're happy. We'll get there. Who knows what it will look like, but I imagine there will be a portion of it that basically everyone we know is invited to and it will be absolutely beautiful.

Very recently, K's mom and I have been spending time together that is mostly just the two of us. One evening we drank beers and cooked up a bunch of treats and more recently we went out to dinner together. I don't know how or when exactly it happened, but it's like we have the roles of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I genuinely love her and it seems the feeling is mutual and it's just really nice. I always imagined falling in love and essentially multiplying my family by two by adding his to it. I've watched people around me have those kind of results and also not have exactly those kind of results and I'm happy that I feel like I'm a part of the family he grew up with and that they seem to enjoy that as well.

In other news, Mary Kay is going really well for me. I expected to make a little extra money and mostly just get to have a discount. That has been typical of a lot of jobs I've had. :) I wasn't expecting to have so much fun and completely enjoy doing facials and skin care classes for women. It's been fantastic to meet new ladies and hear how they approach their businesses. I didn't realize it would be so easy for me to grow and expand. I wish I had some money that I could buy inventory with and really keep things on hand, but I figure that will come with a little more time. I get a little extra almost each order to build that up slowly. The other night I was sitting waiting for someone and I got a phone call asking to be able to place an order. Not only was I happy to do that, I realized I had everything she wanted at home and I loved being able to take it to her right that night. I opened up my little California branch with some family and am on target to gain the ability to have the company mail orders directly to people at the end of the quarter. I have a bunch of samples and would be more than happy to share them with you if you're interested! And let me tell you, K has started using a few things and likes them so much he told me that I could tell whoever I wanted to tell because maybe that way they'll give them a try as well.

School is good! I'm right at the end of the semester. I've applied to go to UTSA in the fall and am excited about that prospect. I'm plugging along on my path and I will get there at some point. It'll be a very sweet celebration when I do graduate. My aim is for a Bachelor degree in Psychology and a teaching certificate so I can teach while I get a Masters in Psychology and then either becoming a counselor or teach at the college level. There are going to be a lot of twists and turns in the road but I figure by choosing this particular path, I've set myself up for several different kinds of success. In the meantime, I think this new job will serve me well and my Mary Kay business will continue to grow.

And finally, for now at least, do you guys know about pandora.com? Maybe one of the coolest web sites ever if not just the best. That and Google Reader are my two favorite Internet inventions I think. You put in an artist or song you like and it creates a radio station for you of a bunch of music similar to what you've chosen. You can put in twenty artists or just one and I promise you will be delighted. I have loved hearing what comes up and have discovered new (to me) music and feel like I'm part of the music scene again. Check it out!

25 things. Again

1. I ate a lot of vegetables last week and I felt the effects within a matter of days. Good ones I mean. I just FEEL better.
2. The little cans of V8 juice are the way to go. You can chug it (only if it's cold, think of it like beer--no way am I drinking either one warm) and then casually drink a giant glass of water and be good to go. The soda can size of V8 will make you feel gross and then you'll feel bloated after the glass of water.
3. People in Texas like to power wash things. Sidewalks, roofs, cars, whatever.
4. Bart's fish fry events somehow induce the best conversations, a very small percentage of which are appropriate to then relate to your mom the next day.
5. I think I might delete my MySpace and just go with Facebook.
6. The thing keeping me from deleting my MySpace is the ease with which I can find new music.
7. I need some more candles for the apartment.
8. Tomorrow I am going to see the Spurs play and hopefully narrow down my choice for favorite player.
9. Sunday nights I cannot fall asleep at a decent hour. Ever.
10. My bedroom is always my favorite place to be wherever I live.
11. I can read blogs all day on my computer or sit and type for hours at a time, but forget about watching a tv show or playing with You Tube. I lose interest after about five minutes.
12. It's been a good year since Starbucks discontinued almond syrup and I still haven't found a proper replacement as my favorite drink.
13. I don't like being one of those people who gets the same drink (coffee or alcoholic) every time.
14. Even so, my adult beverage of choice usually involves vodka and my jags of getting the same thing can run for a good amount of time.
15. I need a job. I don't know where to look any more. I know something is out there, but this is a very frustrating process.
16. I would really like to write a book some day, about my life.
17. K, his sister, and I are seeing Coldplay in June!
18. There is currently a big pot of chicken on the stove so I can make some chicken and dumplings before it gets too hot around here to even want to eat it.
19. My next cooking adventure involves tofu. I want to cook it in some tasty manner to add to a salad.
20. I'm growing out my hair.
21. My sister's kids are not good at taking naps. There is just way too much stuff they NEED to do.
22. I love my cell phone.
23. Rearranging your living room can make a huge difference.
24. K gives very sweet back rubs.
25. It has been way too long since my last bubble bath.

nephew break

And for a break from the serious:

My nephew went into my sister's room last night saying he couldn't sleep because Jesus was talking too much. She sent him back to bed and when he crawled back into bed, she heard his prayer bear say "Now I lay me down to sleep..." He threw his hands in the air and said "SEE?!" Jesus kept talking to him because he kept rolling over onto the prayer bear. My sister moved the bear to the dresser so all should be okay.

Little kid logic and explanations are the best, especially when you let them tell you the entire story and answer all your questions.

health, weight, exercise, blechh

Well, I feel strangely accomplished tonight. I went to the grocery store instead of driving thru someplace and ended up with a really fantastic salad. The dark green and red lettuce mix, baby shrimp, green apples, avocado, dried cranberries, and balsamic vinegarette I have some food for tomorrow which is nice and a variety of V8 products. I'm starting a new diet that focuses on grains, fruits, and vegetables. It will be an adjustment as quite frankly I just like stuff that's fried and otherwise high caloric, but I really need to do this.

I feel like I've posted entries like this before where I talk about all the reasons why I need to eat better, exercise more, and lose weight and then I say this time is for real. So let me just say that this time I feel a lot more determined than the last time I started Weight Watchers and I am more focused on making more permanent changes to my diet and exercise habits.

So, I'm rearranging my living room and dining room. I'm basically flipping it. The little nook by the kitchen where you put your kitchen table is going to have the tv and futon and maybe a book shelf. The bigger part, the living room, is going to have the desk, the kitchen table, and the big huge book shelves that are already in there because I would like to avoid moving those if I can. But the ultimate goal is to have more room to put an exercise dvd in and be able to actually move around. I think the side bonus is going to be taking some time to really put stuff in places it can actually belong. My living room has been a mess lately because there's a lot of little things that just get put here and there because it just happens to fit there for the time being. I would like to have more defined spots for stuff.

The other side affect, hopefully, will be an apartment that is once again easy to invite people over to at a moment's notice. I think just sitting and watching tv will be a little more comfortable since there is now a ceiling fan above the futon so that will be nice this summer. But since the main part of the non-bedroom part of the apartment will be all nice and open, that will encourage me to take advantage of that rather than flopping on the couch.

I'm concerned about my blood pressure and cholesterol. Quite honestly, I am also concerned about how I look. Last weekend my mom really graciously bought me some new clothes and they are really cute and perfect for job interviews or doing Mary Kay parties or anything else I need to look professional and all put together for. The way it used to be, I'd buy clothes that had bigger sizes than I wanted to admit I needed to wear but I'd look in the mirror and think I was doing pretty good with what I had. These clothes are fantastic, but when I look in the mirror, now I honestly just see a fat girl with really cute clothes. I would like to look in the mirror and see cute clothes and a girl who is healthy. I can't see my blood pressure or cholesterol, but by making the changes with this diet (it's called the DASH diet and it's really reasonable and not some kind of fad thing--Weight Watchers is awesome but I just can't afford it right now for the record) I know they will be in much better shape.

So that's where I'm at this week. Might as well be doing something productive while I'm waiting to hear back on the kajillion job applications I've turned in. :)

yellow

I love Coldplay. I have all their albums and have been a fan from the first time I heard the song "Yellow." It was just very sweet and simple to me which is always the best kind of love song. Even though Chris Martin recently admitted he has no idea what that song is about, I still adore it. It just makes me happy.

I remember when it came out talking with my friend August and telling her how I wish I had a boyfriend and he'd pick that song to be our song and it would just be deliciously romantic and cheesy but great. She said it could be our song. And from August, that wasn't weird or anything. One time she goosed me when she came to visit me at work and my first thought was "I hope that's August" not "Why the hell is someone grabbing my butt cheek like that?!" Which I guess doesn't really explain much why it's okay... I don't know.

Anyway, K just got a new cell phone. He's all kinds of excited about it and is slowly getting used to all the new features it has. He showed me that he gave me my own ringtone. It's "Yellow" by Coldplay.

I don't even care if he remembered me telling that story or not. I think I'm a lucky girl to have such a sweet boyfriend.

super auntie!

This week I am watching the babies. I will always refer to them as "the babies" even though they are now five and four and would be indignant to hear themselves referred to as anything besides "kids" or basically not babies.

I am used to getting up early and having a full day but I am not used to having days as quite as full as these past few have been. My niece and nephew are very good at playing with each other and entertaining themselves but since I'm here, they want new and exciting things to do. So far I believe I have met the challenge. There has been fort building, bike riding, backyard lap running, book reading, movie watching, hiding and seeking, thank you note writing, picture drawing, back rubs, and lots and lots and lots of laughter. This has equaled out to me being EXHAUSTED at the end of the day.

So far, I think my favorite thing that happened was yesterday. In the morning, we made a ginormous fort and they had tons of fun hiding out in it with their stuffed animals. Then I realized it was still kind of cool outside and it would be a perfect time to get some bike riding in so we went off to do that. I took them to one of the courts so they could ride around and I wouldn't have to run so much. My niece likes to go super fast (and luckily laughs her head off when she falls) and my nephew is still having a little trouble understanding that if he pedals backwards he's hitting the brakes. So we're riding and riding and they both are getting tired so we start heading back to the house. My niece says to me "Auntie! After we get back home, you can put us back in our cage!" Of course her little voice echoed through the neighborhood. I tried to say just as loudly that it was a FORT not a cage, but mostly I'm hoping everyone was just at work.

I keep telling them I have super powers. We played Hide and Seek yesterday and they both literally walked right past me in two different rounds so I told them obviously I can turn invisible. And today I made them toad in a hole and I think that may have just sealed the deal. Who knew an egg cooked in the middle of a piece of bread would be such a big deal?

shameless plug

I just started my own Mary Kay business and I need some help getting started!

First of all, if you want to just straight up buy some product, you can go to my web site at:

www.marykay.com/melissamcneil

If you live in the area, I will deliver it. If you do not live in the area, I will ship it to you, free of charge.


Secondly, if you live in the San Antonio area and you have skin and some time this weekend or next week, please call or email me. I would love to give you a free facial. If you have a few people who are interested, we can also set up a skin care class. In either case, you and your friends (as the case my be) will get to try out Mary Kay products and I'll give you some samples to take home. I am just trying to get some practice in my presentations. I absolutely love the Timewise skin care line and think everyone should just get a chance to try it for themselves. Don't worry about buying anything. I just need you and a little bit of time so I can get some more confidence!

Thirdly, if you do not live in the San Antonio area and would like a free catalog with some samples inside, contact me and give me your snail mail address. I'll get you on my list!

I'm excited about this venture! Please help me get off to a perfect start. :)

spring break!

Next week is my Spring Break and it is also the babies' Spring Break. My sister and I somehow struck a deal involving my mom where I will go to my parent's house every day and she will bring the my niece and nephew and the three of us will have grand adventures Monday through Friday. Am I insane? Yes. Do I anticipate being exhausted at the end of each day? Yes. Am I fantastically excited? Yes I am.

I adore those two and I am excited to take a gazillion pictures and have even more stories at the end of the week. I have a list of things we can do and hopefully pieces of it are just new enough to them that they will start to call me Super Auntie. Okay, maybe not really, but I will say that when I get my doctorate some day, I will be like Dr. Jill Biden and have no qualms about preferring people call me Dr. Maybe they will call me Dr. Auntie.

I have baked cupcakes with them a couple of times and really, once was enough to know this is not going to be included on my list of possible activities. It is enough to suddenly be in charge of a 5 year old and 4 year old for a week, it is another to willingly subject yourself to the sugar highs of a 5 and 4 year old. My niece asked me on Saturday if we could make cupcakes. This is how the rest of the conversation went:

"No, I don't think we can make cupcakes. We'll see, but what if we make pizza from scratch one day?"

"Scratch pizza? What's that?"

"Pizza FROM scratch. It means you start with nothing and make something! We'll make the dough and then put the sauce and cheese on top. What do you think?"

"Auntie, how do you know how to do that?"

"Because I have a list of magic recipes."

Immediately turning to my sister...

"Mommy! Auntie said we can make scratch pizza because she has MAGIC POWERS!"

It truly will be a fantastic week. :)

ta-da!

I am now a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant. You can check out my web site at
www.marykay.com/melissamcneil! You should totally tell your friends. :)

as the world turns

Okay, I have a job. I'm keeping it for the time being. I'm a personal assistant. That's the best way to put it because I do a very wide variety of things that you can categorize but it's pieces of each here and there throughout the day/week. We'll see how it all turns out... My main goal is to be able to pay all my bills and sock enough money away to pay for summer session classes just straight out of pocket. I have some other possibilities in the works too that I think may work out really well.

In other news, I now have plans for spring break. I am taking care of the babies while my sister and bro-in-law work that week. We have arranged it with my mom that my sis will bring the kids to her house and I will take care of them there. Just call me Super Auntie! And pray for me. I will be in charge of a five year old and a four year old. I don't know what I've gotten myself into... Actually I think it will be a lot of fun. If we bake cupcakes or something sugar filled, it will be on Friday after nap/rest time. I am going to try to plan some fun things like making a little obstacle course in the back yard to run around and doing things like having them help me make lunch (pbj or sprinkling the cheese on a tortilla for a quesadilla, that kind of thing). I'm going to cut sandwiches into fantastic shapes and bring some books to read to them and plan on definitely getting some exercise in running around with them and helping them ride bikes. If anyone has any ideas for ways to entertain kids while staying mostly at home or doing things that are very low cost, let me know!

My grandmother is in the hospital with an infection of an undetermined origin. She's hopped up on pain killers and antibiotics and feeling much better, but still has been admitted to the hospital. I am a little worried about her, but mostly I just want her to not be in pain and to have the life she wants to have. I have thought for quite awhile now that she is much sicker than she has really told anyone because she is much sicker than she is ready to admit to herself. Up until yesterday or the day before, she was still able to carry on her day to day business without any problem. I hope that the doctors are able to figure out what's going on so she can just go back to her normal schedule. It's so hard to say how healthy she really is. She has bounced back from quite a bit, but there is definitely something going on with at least her liver that just isn't right. Hopefully I'll be able to make a post soon that says she's just fine and has made plane reservations for sometime in July to come see my new niece.

My apartment is kind of a disaster area, so I need to get on that while I have the time and energy to actually do a good job. :)

i think this is what i'm going to do

Mondays will be either a movie review or a list of facts you may or may not know about me. I would like to be watching more movies than I have been lately but time is the main factor. What can I say? I'm a busy working woman. So here you are:

1. I typically have two or more open bottles of lotion that I am using and they also tend to be scattered throughout my apartment.
2. I am addicted to Carmex. But it keeps my lips kissable and it's cheap!
3. I can handle a lot of body fluids and stages of people being sick but the thing that never fails to gross me out is snot or listening to someone tell me about an operations on the nose or sinuses. I have no idea why this is.
4. The addition of almonds or almond extract/flavor to almost anything makes it better.
5. I wish my hair was longer again already.
6. I love the Spurs. This season I am working on choosing a favorite player and hopefully going to at least one more game. Next season I will start to learn about stats. And the season after that, I may very well be a full fledged basketball fanatic.
7. Lately I have been really proud of myself for politely holding my ground on things.
8. Lately I have been noticing how jobs I've had before have all added up to me being the person I am with the confidence I have and the feeling that I have the right to politely speak up and call someone on their bullshit immediately instead of waiting a few days to figure out the right way to do it.
9. I have more respect for the Buddhist/Muslim/Jew/Hindu who practices their religion to the best of their ability than I do for a Christian who loudly proclaims they do and turns around and acts un-Christlike on a regular basis.
10. Yoga still makes me happy, from my very core.
11. I think gas is hilarious. Burping and farting totally make me giggle much to my boyfriend's consternation. I try to keep my own gas to myself because, after all, I am a lady.
12. I could eat Japanese food every day and not get tired of it.
13. I never ordered pizza for delivery before living in this apartment.
14. It irritates me irrationally when people add an extra "s" to things. It's Barnes and Noble. Not Barnes and Noble's.
15. My mom has an unusual first name and so my whole life I have unconsciously always made an effort to know people's names, preferred nicknames, and the correct spelling of all of the above.

lesson learned

Today I went to my yoga class. And as I was sitting in the parking lot waiting to go inside, my headache really came to full force. So trying all these poses that while I have gotten better at still frustrate me because I know my lines are not nearly as good (and therefore graceful) as my teacher's are. The headache just got worse and worse and I contemplated leaving because I wasn't sure if vomiting was going to be the next step. I made it through the whole class and then decided to just come home. An hour later, here I am. So basically, the thing I learned today is that if I can make it to yoga, I should simply stay for the rest of my school day because the headache is going to get way worse in traffic than it would have just staying for classes. Who knew?

wednesday wonders

Things making me happy lately...

...Yoga. It is hard and will continue to be challenging all semester, but I seriously love it. I also love that I start out my Mondays and Wednesdays with it. It's a work out but it's so calming at the same time that I just want to do it for two hours every morning. K's sister goes to a yoga class someplace so I can't wait to see if I can join her sometime. After the semester though and I've practiced a gazillion poses in a safe place. :)
...date time with K. We decided to have a weekly date and take turns planning it. Last week was our first one and we had a really lovely time.
...being in love with someone who loves you back just as hard. Relationships are difficult but being in love makes it all worth it.
...having a really good group in my Government class. Sometimes group work is a total drag, but I genuinely like my day to day group and the group I'm doing the semester project with. Sure makes things a lot easier!
...watching the commercials from the Super Bowl in my Social Psychology class and discussing what social implications they have. I love nerding it up like that!
...phone calls from my niece and nephew. They're so stinking cute!
...having a job! It's going to stick and it's going to evolve into something really great in the near future. Yay!
...fitting in an eye appointment (and getting a year's supply of contacts) and refilling all prescriptions last month. It was like a free month's of insurance and kind of the only way I could vaguely stick it to my former employer.
...the food I got to eat while watching the first half of the Super Bowl. Don't care about football, but when Bart invites you over, you go. My favorite thing was the jalapenos wrapped in chicken and bacon that were then smoked. Mmmm...
...eating tuna by myself because it means I can be gross about it. Tuna fixed with mayo and then adding relish and minced onion. Awful horrible breath afterwards, but so gross it's just delicious.
...having an income again. It really does get to a point where it's demoralizing to not be contributing financially when you weren't all that well off in the first place.
...streaming Air 1 while at work. I have missed that radio station more than I realized!
...having a really supportive boyfriend.
...dinner last night: t-bones, salad, and wine with K and his mom. He cooked the steaks, I cut up the vegetables, and she poured the wine. :)
...having evenings free again. It's been a very long time...

movie review monday (the late edition): taken

Sorry for the delay... I think by the end of this week I will actually be adjusted to my new schedule and therefore my apartment will look a lot nicer and my blog will be updated on a regular basis. At least in theory. Actually on both of those. :)

On with the movie review!

I have not seen any of the Oscar nominated films for Best Picture (this may be the first year that I literally have yet to see any of them), but by golly, I've seen Taken twice.

It stars Liam Neeson and Maggie Grace and beyond that, all you need to know is that you are going to be in for an edge of your seat experience. I don't want to give too much information away because when I saw it, I knew very very little and thoroughly enjoyed myself just because of that. The daughter is seventeen years old and goes overseas with a friend. The dad is a former CIA operative and has retired and moved to be closer to his daughter. He and her mother divorced long ago because of his job taking him away from the family for such long periods of time. He is trying to make up for lost time in his relationship with his daughter by being available for her and whether or not she realizes this is kind of an unknown.

While overseas and talking on the phone with her dad, the daughter's friend gets taken by a group of men in all black. The dad talks her through what she needs to do, knowing she is about to be taken as well. And here is what sold me on the film. One of the kidnappers picks up her phone and breathes into it. The dad says "I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you." There is a pause, then "Good luck" then the phone goes silent.

This is not a movie for young kids. It deals with a very real and awful situation that I believe is actually also happening in the United States. There is violence and language although there is no nudity or sex. Lots of implied situations but I was grateful for them only being implied. The best way to sum up the feel of the movie is to say it's Alias on steroids. If Jack Bristow were to go rogue, and on top of him going rogue Sydney was in danger, this would be the movie version.

There are fights and chases and guns and explosions and glass and so many moments that you hold your breath waiting to see what happens that part of you just can't believe when the movie is over. I absolutely loved it. My parents both really liked it too, however my mom has now banned me from traveling overseas.

Taken. See it. Love it. Tell me what you thought.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars. Seriously. Can't wait until I can own it.

blah blah blah

I have a new job. For the time being at least. The reasons why I can't go into exact detail about it is are complicated so we'll just say that it's a strange combination of The Devil Wears Prada, The Nanny Diaries, and some sort of eccentric rental property management company. But it's not all bad or demeaning or anything like that. Just an endless source of entertainment since the daily tasks are never the same as the day before. I don't know how much I'm making yet, but at this point anything is good. I went a month with no income and that's enough to make it easy to take a job that has a high chance of turning into an awkward situation down the road.

The plan is to work for a month, as many hours as I can, and then go from there. I still have my resume up on monster and I will take any interviews offered my way. Then after the month is up I'll decide if I need to be pursuing another job hardcore or if I can just continue to work where I started this past week. I'm also vaguely hoping to save a bit of money here and there in order to start selling Mary Kay, but I need to talk to a few more people and see what their experiences have been because so far I have one negative one.

My official new weekly schedule has me up at 5 am on Mondays and Wednesdays and 6:30 am on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. I was ridiculously tired this past week because I am really thoroughly not used to getting up early in the morning and being active ALL DAY LONG. I figure by the end of this week though, I should be pretty used to it. I really like the idea of having my evenings back. In theory at least. I was pretty bad at staying awake past 9 pm last week. Heh.

25 things

I haven't watched any movies lately, so instead, you get 25 facts that you may or may not know about me.

1. I absolutely adore cold weather.
2. I only meant to stay in San Antonio for six months to a year.
3. The first thing I remember ever wanting to be when I grew up was a coroner.
4. My favorite color is orange but pink makes me really happy.
5. I do not want a big wedding and never have.
6. I can tell when my blood pressure has risen because I can feel it in my neck.
7. If possible, I would like to have four kids.
8. My true favorite Starbucks drink is iced venti ice water.
9. It has been more than a year since I last worked at Starbucks, but people still ask what my favorite drink is when they find out I used to work there.
10. I like watching tv shows on dvd more than I like watching them on the networks.
11. Except for Criminal Minds. I can only handle one episode a week.
12. Pepsi has been my favorite soda for as long as I can remember.
13. I can always tell the difference between Pepsi and other cola drinks.
14. I adore accents. All of them. Every time I hear a new one I think that one is my favorite.
15. I think being as white as I am is kind of boring.
16. Throughout my life, I have rarely had actual crushes on movie stars.
17. But when I was 10, I had a door size poster of Fred Savage in my room.
18. My bedroom is usually my favorite room in any spot I live.
19. On dark cloudy rainy days the thing I want to do most is crack the window so I can hear the rain and stay in bed and read all day long.
20. There is nothing as magical as children's literature.
21. My boyfriend has taken to doing small things to show he cares and my favorite is when he comes to bed long after I've already been there and rubs my back for awhile.
22. If I had random money to spend on anything I wanted and every bill and my truck were taken care of, the first store I would go to is the Apple store.
23. I have to keep my nails short because it bugs me when they click on the computer keyboard as I type.
24. I wish I could get my nose pierced again. That cute little sparkle really did make me happier than it probably should have.
25. Someday I will live in a house where I take a bubble bath at least more than once a week.

i still have the headache, but everything else is calming down

K and I have been having a mildly rough time that exploded all over the place last weekend because of a big misunderstanding, but in a lot of ways I'm grateful for something happening that made us both stop and realize we WANT to be together. We aren't a couple because it's easier than breaking up and starting over with someone else, we aren't a couple because our families like us (as individuals and as a couple), we aren't a couple because neither one of us wants to move right now. We're a couple because we love each other and we have to take the time to acknowledge that daily, otherwise this isn't going to work.

A long time ago, my friend Tina and I went to this Bible study that I think I've mentioned before in here someplace because it was kind of an integral part of my life. It was kind of a weird time for both of us and especially to be in that particular group because the leader was one of the coolest and most lovely women I've ever known but everyone besides Tina and I were in a serious relationship. It was the summer of weddings. Tina and I often hung out after the group to take the lessons we could and reassure each other that not being about to get married was okay. At least, that's how I remember it. Heh.

For sure though, I do remember a lot of conversations that we had and things we talked about relationships and they help me out now so it wasn't a huge waste of time regardless of how frustrating it was at the time. The leader told us once that you shouldn't tell your mom when you are frustrated with your husband because she will hold on to the details of the situation much longer than you will. You will know all the ins and outs of your relationship and come to an understanding that you may or may not be able to explain to anyone else or things will otherwise end up being fine for the two of you. But your mom will see that you were hurting and hold on to that long after you may have even completely forgotten about whatever situation it was that you mentioned to her.

It is really hard to ask for advice about my relationship with K and get what I need because K and I are the only ones who have literally all of the details. Sometimes I forget that whoever I'm talking to doesn't know EVERYTHING about us. No one really does or can. That's how it is with everyone's relationships. I'm very lucky to have family and friends that support me and love me and will get angry for me and spring to action when I'm frozen in heartache. But ultimately, it is K and me who have to decide what is best for the two of us. Sometimes we will be able to explain it thoroughly to anyone who is willing to listen and it will make sense to everyone. Other times it just won't.

I love K in a way that I haven't ever loved anyone. He feels the same way about me. We have things to work on and there are going to be more things that come up as we continue going through life together. The biggest lesson I learned last weekend was I absolutely have to wait for the entire story. Things are not always what they seem. I think the biggest lesson he learned was he needs to be more forthcoming and specific. Together we decided that our love for each other is worth going through rough patches. We are making changes and growing and ironically our relationship has jumped forward on the serious path by leaps and bounds in the past few days.

I haven't made formal resolutions for the new year, but two things I've been mulling over are being more appreciative of where I'm at in life and what is going on and being more consistent in doing what I say I'm going to do. All of this with K has really helped me see how important these two are and if it's all I manage to conquer this year, I think I'd be in good shape. K will undoubtedly drive me crazy sometimes (as I will him) but I'm grateful for the place he has in my life. I want to be a loving, supportive, and appreciative girlfriend and I at least know how to start acting like all of that on a regular basis.

He's making changes too, don't think I've taken this all upon myself. It's just my blog so it's my thoughts. And that's all I've got for now!

tmi again, i just can't help myself

Last night I went to the grocery store to just pick up a few things. I had showered, but I was not looking well. My face was extremely pale and the headache that started a few days ago hasn't really gone away not to mention all the issues down south. I haven't had a problem being a girl for awhile, but the last few days, wow.

So I go to the grocery store. I take my eco-conscious bag with me and grab a basket because I don't know the rules. If I'm just getting a few things, can I toss them into my green bag or does that make me look like I'm stealing? So, whatever. I get my feminine hygiene products, an onion, some cheese for a recipe I have in mind, and then I think about what I want to eat for dinner. The onion and the cheese have to wait for the meat to thaw in my fridge, so that's out. And then the cramps are starting to come back and I realize all I want is something salty and something sweet. Chips and salsa is slightly healthier than popcorn with extra extra crazy extra butter, so I grab some tortilla chips and some candy. And I go to the check out.

As I unload my basket, I think it is clear I am a girl with some issues. I was polite but just wanted to go home and get back in bed. So when I went to grab my bag and leave and the young woman behind the counter said "And you have a WONDERFUL night." I kind of paused. And I thought to myself, I really need to get home and that's probably just for the best. I couldn't tell if she was being serious or trying to say I was really rude to her or something. Lucky for her the pain was coming back because otherwise I would have tried to settle that question and I don't think anyone would have been happy about it.

The lesson really is if it involves too much information, I will probably write a blog about it, I should remember to always be stocked up on pads and whatnot so I don't have to run to the store as I actually need something, and when my head hurts so bad it's making me pale, the place for me to be is in bed.

tmi

My yoga instructor told us that at the beginning, doing yoga can be like taking extra doses of fiber. All the twisting and holding poses you've either never done or haven't done in quite awhile can loosen up saturated fat stuck in your body and out it goes! I can only assume based on my experience yesterday and so far today that this can also happen with endometrial lining. So basically, I will be making a run to the store for more, um, supplies in a bit and then go back to spending most of the day in bed. I have not bled through underwear and pajama pants since I was thirteen. I declared I was never leaving the house that morning as my parents hid their smiles and saved their laughter until later, but today I have to say that thirteen year old girl was on to something.

i'm fighting really hard and i have to say, it's exhausting

Ani DiFranco has this song with the line "The heart is a muscle, and frankly, mine is sore." That's how I can sum up how I feel.

I quit my job at the end of December and have yet to find a new one even though I have two places I have had call back interviews to. I have twenty cents to my name until a new job or my tax refund comes in, whichever comes first. But yes, literally twenty cents. K and I had a major issue this weekend and I spent a few days at my parent's house to clear my head. We have covered the major issue and are okay but we are working on a bunch of the little things that come up here and there in a relationship. I have cramps like a mofo (but it's not actually period time) and feel like all of my energy is just draining out of me. Plus I am fat. I am out of shape to the point of feeling absolutely ridiculous about being in my yoga class even though I completely love it and know it is helping in small increments.

It seems like that how every single thing is. It's all coming together in very small increments but inbetween I am in miserable pain because my muscles are being used in ways they haven't been in years, if at all. But today, all I can feel is the pain. I have no idea what the results are going to look like and at the moment I am just completely exhausted.

sleep...

So I used to get up sometime between 11:30 am (on a good day) and 1:30 pm (more like a typical day). Now, on Mondays and Wednesdays I have to get up at 5:00 am. Or later, provided I've taken a shower the night before so I can avoid being funky all day but I have to leave at 5:45 am to beat traffic and find a parking spot with ease at my school. All of this means my bed time, at least on Sundays and Tuesdays, really needs to be as close to 10 pm as possible.

How do you train yourself to go to sleep like five hours earlier than you used to? And how do you stay asleep when your boyfriend likes to take the term "night owl" to extremes? Also, say it just doesn't work out and you end up getting an hour or two of sleep before having to get up and go to school. When you come home, exhausted, do you force yourself to stay up and go to bed early-ish or do you let yourself take a nap?

These are all serious questions so if you have advice or a web site or whatever, help me!

wednesday wonders

...starting school and being ridiculously excited about this fact.
...my yoga class time puts me doing yoga at sunrise. How awesomely cliche is that?!
...getting to be unapologetically nerdy right from the get go.
...my government teacher has two Masters, one in Marriage and Family Therapy and one in Government. She thought it was hysterical that I told her she might be my new hero.
...my sore neck from my stupid car accident only lasted one day.
...I have two places that I've had multiple interviews at which has to turn into SOMETHING soon. Right? Just tell me yes.
...treating myself to an obnoxious former Starbucks employee drink: iced venti 2 pump mocha 2 pump vanilla soy no whip mocha.
...lots and lots of walking even though that was the result of not knowing my campus at all and taking the longest way possible multiple times on accident.
...my parents letting me use their house on the way home from school as a place for peace, quiet, printing, and eating. I'm allowed to have whatever I can find but only because there is no more kahlua.
...having honest (although sometimes difficult) conversations with K about us.
...cold weather making a come back!
...classes started and I love all three and each teacher is so so so great!
...going grocery shopping and stocking up the fridge and freezer by only actually paying $10 because I had some gift cards.
...reading random books for no real reason.
...making my hair all crazy curly.
...having a makeup consultation with my dear friend Splenda and realizing I can look kinda hot if I actually try to.
...my big poofy lips don't look as awkward as I thought they did if I wear the right kind of lipstick and whatnot.
...feeling like I'm a true Spurs fan. I listened to the game on the radio as I was driving and even sat in the parking lot to hear the last few minutes just so I didn't miss a thing.
...daydreaming about being rich and having sushi every week and season tickets for the Spurs.
...having a boyfriend who loves me as much as K does.
...talking to my niece and nephew on the phone.
...diligence meaning a $20 reduction in my electricity bill.
...browsing the web site uncommongoods.com because that stuff is some pretty cool stuff.
...watching Jon and Kate Plus 8. Those kids are freaking adorable.

it's been a big day!

I am so not used to having all kinds of stuff going on before 3 pm. I had that schedule for quite some time!

Today was my first day of school and I got up right on time at 5 am and managed to leave really close to my planned 5:45 am. Even though that gets me to the campus a little early, I think I need to stick with that time for leaving because I don't want to get stuck in traffic. I still can't believe I actually chose a 6:30 am class, but at the same time it's kind of fantastic to be completely done with my school day by 10:45 am.

Yoga is first. First thing I learned is yoga is not easy. I have some dvds and stuff but I've only done a really half-assed version of things and not consistently at all either. Today we did half of a pre-assessment and then we'll do the same stuff all again at the end of the semester to see how much we've improved. We did this thing that's kind of like push-ups except it focuses on your triceps and shoulders more than your chest and biceps. Yes, it is as icky as it sounds, at least the first time you do it. Then was sitting with no chair with arms straight out in front for as long as you can hold it. Do it. Then try to stay for ten more seconds when your legs start to shake. Then after that, go walk up and down some stairs. Anyway though, my teacher is a delight because she is crazy excited about all things athletic and is good at explaining foreign positions and whatnot without making you feel awkward. I'm excited I actually have my own yoga mat to take with me, I just need to get a bag for it someplace.

Next is Federal Government. Oh, how I adore government. I'm not even kidding, it really and truly fascinates me. I took Texas Government with a teacher who had actually been a Congressman which was awesome and I was kind of disappointed it wasn't going to work out for me to take Fed Govt from him as well. Disappointed until I met this teacher. I think she loves government more than I do which just makes my heart happy. Plus, she had us read this really interesting article about how a country has to have rigor, intelligence, AND creativity to succeed so basically the 21st century is up for grabs right now. I am really looking forward to getting to know her better and to the class in general because I am such a nerdilicious nerd.

And finally, Social Psychology. The only thing that makes my heart happier in school than government is a psychology professor who is a little wacky but also tremendously smart and wants you to be able to learn as much as possible so you can apply it on a daily basis without having to think about it too much. It seems like a good group of people, except the one guy who was drifting off and borderline snoring. It's the first day dude, maybe you should drop. Although no one will get any sympathy from me about having an early morning if that's their first class since it's my third. My teacher is currently writing her doctoral thesis. I hope I can get the courage up quickly to ask her about it because I'm just impressed with her pursuing it and am sure to be blown away by the research.

At the end of the semester I am going to be at least closer to being a hottie if not just already one (the combination of Weight Watchers and Yoga twice a week should kick my ass in a really great way), be able to inform anyone who will listen the virtues of our government along with fascinating facts like how Steve Jobs used a course he took at Stanford in Calligraphy to create the computer icons we know and love today, and have fallen even more in love with psychology than I already have.

After school (and stopping by my parent's house to mooch some food--don't worry I told them), I had another job interview! Or another part of the job interview process at least. It went well so I get to proceed to the next step which is a phone interview. Then I checked my voice mail and had a call wanting to set up another interview with the other place I had applied and interviewed at last week. My stress level is already decreasing with the start of school, but it will even more so once I've got a job and am earning a real paycheck. Please pray or keep your fingers crossed or think good thoughts!

movie review monday: return to me

Ahh, Return to Me. You'll find this for rent but in the shelves nowhere near the new release wall. You can sometimes find it in the discount section at Target or where ever you happen to buy dvds. But I caught a small snippet of it today on tv and decided that it was worth blogging about.

It is a lovely love story that will charm you to pieces with its adult story that actually contains no weird sex scenes and has only one scene with questionable language that is hilarious. It starts David Duchovny and Minnie Driver so right there you should be sold, quite honestly. Banana Republic was very good to Mr. Duchovny in this movie.

At the beginning of the movie, he is married to a passionate woman. She tragically dies in a car crash and her organs are donated. Minnie Driver ends up with her heart. They meet randomly in a restaurant where she works and since sparks fly, end up going out on a date later on. There's all kinds of little side stories and the best part about the movie is the dialogue is really how people talk. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with a male I'm trying to impress where I sound like an idiot and know it but can't seem to stop talking.

It's tragic and endearing and makes you cry at the beginning and the end and is therefore one of the most perfect chick flicks there are. Most guys that I know that have seen it have tolerated it well, so don't let the previous statement be a deterrent from renting it for mixed company.

Return to Me is rated five of five stars for being absolutely adorable.

class is going to come very early on monday morning

I would just like to say that I am taking three classes on Mondays and Wednesdays and am out of class by 10:45 am. That's hardcore, man.

My internal clock is all out of whack. That's why I'm up right now eating ramen and desperately searching for something interesting to watch on tv instead of sleeping. It's just kind of nice and peaceful as my upstairs neighbors have not woken up yet. I still haven't figured out what requires so much constant marching around. But I have definitely figured out the next place I live will be on the top floor, even if that means it's the third floor.

Yesterday was my niece's fifth birthday. She is a lot of fun to spend time with because she's more little kid than baby now (even though I will forever refer to my sister's kids collectively as "the babies") and little kid logic is seriously the best. I personally enjoy how I am always greeted with "Auntie! Auntie! Auntie!" Sometimes I hear it more if it's as the kids are running across the yard or something. I talked to her on the phone and wished her a happy birthday and she told me a little about her day. It's so cliche and ridiculous but I can't believe she's old enough for me to completely understand on the phone now. I also talked to my nephew. His birthday is at the end of next month so what he said to me was "Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. When (my niece) is done getting growed up, then it gets to be my birthday. Okay, I love you." How can you just not adore the two of them?

I'm going to pretend like I can sleep now... Wish me luck!

wednesday wonders

Things making me happy...

...telling people about my Spurs game experience
...school starting next Monday
...K being absolutely fantastic in non-specific ways
...long fingernails
...candles
...a clean living room and bathroom just in time to have friends randomly over
...new books to read
...a boyfriend who loves to read and then gives me more books to read
...my niece's eyes growing wide with excitement as I detailed an idea to start reading chapter books with her soon
...the way if you catch my nephew off guard with something funny how he has this cute little hiccup laugh
...a lovely visit with my grandmother and great-grandfather
...having jeans that actually fit
...Indian food buffets
...switching back and forth between contacts and glasses becoming more effortless
...Firefox
...free movie tickets
...the plans for making a photo frame that includes our ticket stubs to the Spurs game
...going to a much needed Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow with my mom
...my sister emailing job openings that may be a good fit
...King of the Hill on Adult Swim

sigh...

Well, this is the week that I think is going to be rough. This is the week that I have nothing to do but fill out applications and wait for more job interviews to be set up and count down the days until my classes start. A lot of people think I am a very patient person because I am quiet when I first meet them. Just because I'm quiet sometimes doesn't mean I'm patient. It just means I'm not saying anything.

I paid my tuition, checked that the rent check is going through, and started to panic because that's pretty much it for my bank account. I have no more income. I still have some gift cards and I do have some clothes I can return if I need to (I'll decide tomorrow actually), but other than that, nothing. I really feel like everything is going to be okay and this was absolutely the best decision to make, but man does the waiting suck.

It is hard to be close to doing something but not quite there. And it's difficult to be working so hard filling out application after application and doing follow up calls and cards and just waiting for something to pan out.

If anyone has any leads on jobs, please let me know. Also, if anyone wants to just straight out hire me for something, even temporary, please let me know!

my first time

My parents typically ask me for a wish list for Christmas and my birthday. My Christmas wish list usually includes a lot of things I kind of need rather than just want to have. Things that fill in gaps so I don't have to worry about them later, like underwear or gift cards that can be used for fun but may also be used to purchase things I need like groceries or whatever. Being an adult just sucks sometimes. Especially being an adult with a job that pays the bills without leaving much left over for anything else.

Well, this year, my parents threw our wish lists to the wind and decided on purely extravagant gifts for K and I as well as my sister and brother-in-law. We all knew we were getting a bottle of homemade khalua (which is an entirely different blog post that may or may not come later) per couple, but we did not know there would be envelopes inside the box that held the bottle. K and I were given two tickets to a Spurs game along with some cash to cover parking and to give us some spending money at the game. Awhile back, my mom let me know K and I needed to have a certain day off for a mysterious event and we kind of guessed it was for a Spurs game but we didn't know for sure until Christmas Eve. We also had no idea what kind of evening was in store for us.

We took my little digital camera (which I have seemingly lost the cord to connect it to my computer with), the cash my parents gave us plus a little extra just in case, and off we went! Oh, I should say that I decided to wear a black shirt because that's one of the Spurs' colors and K decided to wear a button down burgandy shirt in case we were on tv or Manu saw him. I love my boyfriend, he's so fricken cute!

I hate San Antonio freeways. I don't miss California much anymore but every time I get on the freeway to go someplace I get so annoyed at all the stupid drivers and how awkward the freeway system is here. I think it's because I took freeways EVERYWHERE in Southern California especially and it's a great system. There's no stupid access roads or turn-arounds or times when you're on one road that has three numbers and two different compass directions listed on signs. There's little warning for exits coming up in San Antonio and also random spots where you have to switch over to the complete other side of the set of lanes to stay on the freeway you're supposed to be taking.

We got to the ATT&T Center without too much hassle. And my giddiness began to grow.

First off, there is a coliseum next to the stadium and this weekend there was a gun show. So K stood in front of the gigantic "Gun Show" sign and flexed his arms for a picture because we are a hysterical couple.

Then we made our way to the stadium. I wanted us to both get souveniers and the thing I wanted the very most was a giant foam finger. You can go inside the arena awhile before the game but it's limited access until one hour before game time. I saw a counter with some Spurs stuff and just walked right up and asked for a foam finger and purchased it with a fairly ridiculous amount of delight. That was even before I knew there was a giant store with any kind of Spurs thing you could imagine!

We took a picture of me pointing to where our seats where with my foam finger. Don't be jealous of our awesome ideas of commemorating our experience.

So finally it was time that we could go to our seats. We found them, sat down, and were amazed at how good they were. They were diagonal to one of the ends of the court which was perfect for watching action. We were close enough to be able to see the players and know who they were without relying on their jerseys. Excellent seats fo sho.

We wanted to get something to eat before the game started so we went ahead and wandered around for that. I got nachos and K got a hot dog and we planted ourselves in our seats for the rest of the night. I wasn't expecting that at all! The only sporting events I've really been to have been baseball games and you can totally wander around the stadium and not miss anything going on down on the field.

The stadium was pretty full although not entirely sold out. I have to say again that our seats were absolutely fantastic. There was stuff going on the whole night! Every time out brought out some kind of activity, be it some sort of contest or performance and it was just great. It was also cool just watching how the coaches handle time outs. The Spurs coaches walk out and chat and diagram things on a clipboard and then bring it back to the team.

K and I clapped and cheered and yelled and had a terrific time. And then the final minutes of the fourth quarter took our breath away. The air was electric even though it was just a regular season game. And the Spurs and 76ers were staying right with each other and then in the very last second of the game, Tony Parker scored two points and everyone in the stadium's arms went up in a cheer. Seriously. It was so much fun to be a part of!

So, I want to go to as many Spurs games as possible from here on out. I was looking forward to the game, but I had no idea I would have such a terrific evening! Either did my parents, quite honestly. They and my grandmother and great-grandfather were highly entertained by my telling of every detail of our evening. :)

Oh! And one of the coolest things that happened was super random. The Spurs Coyote was shooting t-shirts into the stands and there was a thing up on one of the screens that said to text "shirt" to a certain number to be entered to win. I got a text at the end of the game saying I won! So we went to a kiosk and printed up a little coupon and then back to where we had started from to actually pick up the shirt. AND! It's an orange Spurs shirt and fits! How perfect is all of that (since my favorite color is orange)?!

Best Christmas present that I've ever gotten from my parents. Pure fun, pure extravagence, pure giddiness. I told them they don't have to repeat it or try to top it but to just know I had a truly fantastic night. And it was awesome to get to share such a great time with my boyfriend like that. My parents really set us up well.

What was your favorite present and why?

movie review monday: seven pounds

I am going to make a much bigger effort to blog on a more regular basis because it has been brought to my attention that this is how people keep up to date on my life. For now, I'll start with the revival of Movie Review Monday!

Seven Pounds is rated PG-13 and currently in movie theaters. It stars Will Smith and Rosario Dawson and is truly fantastic. Make plans to see this as soon as possible!

The less you know before seeing it, the better. Basically though, it is difficult to tell whether Ben Thomas (Will Smith's character) has good or bad motives for treating the people he seeks out interactions with. The plot pieces all fit together in about the last half hour and the emotional roller coaster doesn't end until you finally fall sleep later that night. Even though the rating is PG-13, I wouldn't recommend this film for children or even young teens. There are heavy themes of death, regret, judgment, and sacrificial love. See it with someone you can talk about the whole movie with later. Or just call me!

This is my favorite time of the year to see movies, and my first winter selection did not disappoint!

Rating: 4 of 5 stars. Could possibly be bumped up to 5 if I see it again.